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Old March 16th, 2018, 07:20 AM
Mr Eko Mr Eko is offline
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Close friendship threatened by difference of opinions

I am so depressed. I have a very close friend who I love dearly and would do anything for. Someone who rescued me during a bleak time in my life. Her and I are so in sync, we can literally finish one another's sentences. However, something has happened recently that is threatening the very existence of our friendship. And the part that sickens me the most is, it is over a minor disagreement. The issue has been worked out. Well, for now anyway. Now, on a side note, this person and I have not known each other for very long at all. I would say 6 months, if even that. But, we have always clicked.

So, the other day, I make a statement that was not bad at all but seemed to touch a nerve with her and made her completely misread what I was even saying. She got really bent out of shape. In fact, she even put words in my mouth, which in turn made me angry at her. So, we take a little break from each other. Later, she contacts me and says that she feels bad that we got into an argument and there are not many people left in her life who she is close to and that she would be lost without me. I told her that I agreed and I did not want to lose her either. I have lost friends before over really dumb things, and it is not something that I ever want to happen again. Life is WAY too short. So, I ask her how we go about fixing what happened, because that still needed to be addressed.

She answered the question with a question and asked what I thought. I said that we needed to be mature adults about it and simply agree to disagree. And if the subject that set everything off ever comes up again, then maybe it's best if we step around it. She nodded in agreement. We hugged and even cried a little. I hate when fights happen and they make me emotional. Anyway, she then says, that I would do well to change my opinion on that particular matter. I'm sorry, but WHAT?? Change my opinion?? Really now?? At that point, I looked in her eyes and was rather perplexed by what she had just said. She looked away and said "well, you should change your opinion to be more in line with mine, but I can't make you, so I want push the issue. But, don't you worry, because no matter what, I could never hate you. What we have is way too important to me".

I am not changing my opinion for her. Nor would I expect someone to change their opinion for me. We can avoid that particular subject, so as to avoid another problem. However, I don't see this friendship lasting because if I am not allowed to have an opinion on that subject, what else I am not allowed to have opinions on? What happens the next time I am on the opposite side of her on an issue? I mean, is it not downright unrealistic to expect that there is someone out there with whom you will agree on everything? Even the absolute closest of friends disagree on things. Right? And let's just say for the heck of it that I comply with her and change my opinion just for her. Does she not realize that I would be doing it under protest, and that would only make me resent her? I don't get it.

I hope that I am wrong. I hope that we will not have anymore problems like that one. We patched that up and things are fine now, but, how long will they stay that way? What happens the next time I rub her the wrong way by having an opinion that does not line up with hers? I mean, I suppose if push came to shove, we could just make a list of subjects we need to avoid. At any rate, I want to do everything I can to keep her as a friend, but at the same time, I do not want to have to kowtow to her, just as she should not have to kowtow to me. But, she does not seem to like the whole agree to disagree idea. Which to me, is the adult thing to do. So, should I just cut my losses now? Or, should I wait and see what happens later on? I have lost friends before, and going through it just killed me. I don't want to ever relive that. But, should I really keep someone who won't let me have opinions?

Last edited by Mr Eko; March 16th, 2018 at 07:26 AM.
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