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Old May 19th, 2013, 04:56 AM
Diamonds Diamonds is offline
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How to convince my parents to give me responsability and let me stay home alone?

Basic info: I'm 23, study at uni, live in a dorm but I go home every weekend and holidays. My parents have an appartment by sea, which is very boring to me (as in: no friends there, no shops, no clubs, no bars, no hobbyplaces, different language I don't speak, no internet, ... you get the deal, no social contact or occupation possibilities).
My parents love to go there, I don't. But they only go when I go with them, even if it is for just two days. I mean, they let me travel to my sister in another country by myself, I live by myself at my dorm, I'm 23 (!!) and they still don't allow me to stay at home while they go to their appartment for two days.
Now summer is coming up and I'd rather stay at home or at my dorm then, where I can meet up with friends and enjoy myself, than spending a week there, doing nothing but watching tv and series. Every time I tried to talk about letting me stay at home they go all dramatic on me and all "oh fine we'll sell the whole thing and never go again" bla bla.
So my question is: how to talk to my parents so they'll let me stay at home while they go to their appartment? They know I don't like going there, but they would enjoy it more if they could go more (without me). They let me stay at home once, everything went fine but it remained that one time.

Edit: whoops, just saw that it's in the wrong place, can I move it? Sorry!
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Old May 19th, 2013, 06:13 AM
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LucyVanPelt LucyVanPelt is offline
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Re: How to convince my parents to give me responsability and let me stay home alone?

Hi, Diamonds. It seems your parents are having a hard time letting you go.

At 23, you don't have to do what your parents want anymore. You can respectfully decline their invitation. Eleven when they rant and say they'll sell their apartment, you should remain calm and respectful, but firm in your "No, thank you." Go back to your dorm if they get too upset.

How did your sister get away?
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Old May 19th, 2013, 08:48 AM
Diamonds Diamonds is offline
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Re: How to convince my parents to give me responsability and let me stay home alone?

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Originally Posted by LucyVanPelt View Post
Hi, Diamonds. It seems your parents are having a hard time letting you go.

At 23, you don't have to do what your parents want anymore. You can respectfully decline their invitation. Eleven when they rant and say they'll sell their apartment, you should remain calm and respectful, but firm in your "No, thank you." Go back to your dorm if they get too upset.

How did your sister get away?

She moved to another country...Paired with the drama and tears from my mom
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Old May 19th, 2013, 01:04 PM
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Re: How to convince my parents to give me responsability and let me stay home alone?

Can you ask to bring a friend with you to the apartment by the sea? Can you make excuses why you need to stay at your dorm?

What if you got a part-time job? Would they allow you to stay home if you had a sudden work shift come up?

I wonder what they'd do with the place if you moved abroad like your sister.
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Old May 20th, 2013, 02:07 AM
Diamonds Diamonds is offline
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Re: How to convince my parents to give me responsability and let me stay home alone?

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Can you ask to bring a friend with you to the apartment by the sea? Can you make excuses why you need to stay at your dorm?

What if you got a part-time job? Would they allow you to stay home if you had a sudden work shift come up?

I wonder what they'd do with the place if you moved abroad like your sister.
I brought a friend with me a couple of years ago, but all my best friends work already... And there's literally NOTHING to do there when it's not warm and sunny so I don't wanna bring them into the kingdom of boredom. Well, yeah, if I had to work they just wouldn't go, because then again I'd be home alone and apparently that's a no go for my parents, have no idea why.
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Old May 20th, 2013, 02:11 AM
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Re: How to convince my parents to give me responsability and let me stay home alone?

I have a 23yr old son living at home and finished college.
I have no say in where he goes and would not dream of asking him to come away with us as he would not want to....hes perfectly safe at home.Mind you he may party on our departure but he has siblings to help him with this too! Maybe your parents think that you might throw open the house to pals is this a possibility!
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Old May 20th, 2013, 04:04 AM
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Re: How to convince my parents to give me responsability and let me stay home alone?

I respectfully disagree with Kaykay about having to bring a friend or make excuses.

I would just decline to go.

If they choose then to stay home, sell the place whatever. It is exactly what it is THEIR choice.

If they try and guilt you "well we may as well sell the place", "We are not going to get away now if you don't come". You say "that is your choice, you have to do what is best for you. No one is stopping you going to the place by the sea but you. If you are not happy for me to be home alone, then I will just stay on campus". Then follow through.

YOU have a choice, if you really do not want to go to their place by the sea. Stay at home or stay at uni.

My guess is they had this idealistic image of you all spending family weekends away at this place for ever more and the place was bought with that in mind, without considering that other people who form part of their idealistic image may not want to continue to feature in it, because they quite rightly have their own dreams for the future. And you are perfectly entitled to live out your own dreams, not live out your parent's ones.
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Last edited by Annsdil; May 20th, 2013 at 04:08 AM.
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Old May 20th, 2013, 06:27 AM
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Re: How to convince my parents to give me responsability and let me stay home alone?

I agree with Annsdil.
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Old May 20th, 2013, 09:34 AM
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Re: How to convince my parents to give me responsability and let me stay home alone?

I agree with Annsdil too.
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Old May 21st, 2013, 07:37 AM
Diamonds Diamonds is offline
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Re: How to convince my parents to give me responsability and let me stay home alone?

That's a really good response, thanks Annsdil! The problem is that they know I'll budge when they make me feel guilty. Then it's like: they do everything for me but I can't do this one little thing for them that makes them happy.
Having an normal, civil conversation with my parents about that is impossible. If I stand my ground and do what you advise me to do, my mom will cry and not talk to me, my dad won't talk to me and that's how it's been going for years. Whenever I do something that they don't like, or don't do something I should do, they ignore me for days (usually a week) without even letting me know why. After that they expect everything to go back to normal. They never taught me how to deal with confrontations, so I can't confront them about that ignoring behaviour, because it's easier for me to just deal with it and move on.

Though if the topic comes along, and they ask me what I'm doing this or that week this summer, I'll tell them I don't know. If they ask me if they can go to the appartment, I'll say fine, but I'd rather stay at home or at my dorm then. Then probably some drama about selling and crying. -_-
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