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  #1  
Old January 2nd, 2017, 10:14 AM
Eyeofthetigerfire Eyeofthetigerfire is offline
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  #2  
Old January 2nd, 2017, 10:27 AM
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LucyVanPelt LucyVanPelt is offline
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Re: "Friend" stole my man.

People who do frequent hookups have a rule: Stay In Your Lane.

You picked a guy up on line just to have sex with. That's all he was interested in, and he apparently was willing to take it wherever he could find it. He found it with someone else. He clearly wasn't boyfriend material, but you wanted him to switch lanes from sex toy to boyfriend. He apparently wanted to stay in his lane.

Your "friend" also didn't see him as boyfriend material for you. She didn't steal him; you gave him to her. "Sloppy seconds" is actually an insult, though. IMO she clearly isn't girlfriend material. She didn't stay in her lane.

And since you found them getting busy while you were out meeting with your boyfriend, I suspect you aren't ready to be girlfriend material yet, either.

So, which lane do you want to be in? Perhaps it's time for you to rethink whether or not this casual hook-up culture is really for you. Maybe you are ready to get serious with your life, sex, men, friends, etc. If you are, figure out what you want to do and surround yourself with people who actually want the best for you.

Good luck and Happy New Year!
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  #3  
Old January 2nd, 2017, 10:37 AM
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KayKay KayKay is offline
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Re: "Friend" stole my man.

I'm confused.

You sought out and made an arrangement with this guy to cheat on your boyfriend. Your relationship was purely for sex even though you ended up liking him as a friend. He was obviously interested in your friend, and they ended up hooking up while you were visiting your boyfriend, and now they are a couple.

Do I have that right?

Honestly, I think you shouldn't consider it them choosing each other over you. It's not like you really had a claim to him even though you call him "my man" in your thread title. He was a FWB. The unfortunate thing about that type of relationship is that when one party decides to end it to enter into a monogamous relationship, the other party has to just accept that decision.

I'm sorry for you - it is very awkward that you walked in on that, and hurtful. But I think the key thing for you to do is come to terms with what your "rights" were in your relationship with that guy. Unfortunately, as a FWB who entered into a relationship for sex only, you didn't have any.

What about your boyfriend? Is he hurt that you sought out a purely sexual relationship?
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Old January 2nd, 2017, 11:21 AM
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Annsdil Annsdil is offline
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Re: "Friend" stole my man.

Maybe I'm being harsh. But karma comes to mind. Unless you and your boyfriend have a mutually agreed open relationship, you've cheated on him. You now feel your friends have cheated on you? How do you think from your experience that your boyfriend may feel about your FWB?
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  #5  
Old January 2nd, 2017, 11:24 AM
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Re: "Friend" stole my man.

This may sound harsh but I always say. Karma always comes full circle. He actually wasnt yours to start with. Im not sure how you can think someone is very close to you after only one week?.

Yes you got hurt over this, but really it was the universe paying you back for cheating on someone you shouldnt have. I feel sorry for your boyfriend, Id say you need to end it with him and at least give him a chance to be with someone who is true. If you want to sleep around, be prepared for this type of thing to happen.Casual hookup relationships are all about no strings you know. I hope you people are practising safe sex in all of this.
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Old January 2nd, 2017, 02:06 PM
Eyeofthetigerfire Eyeofthetigerfire is offline
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Re: "Friend" stole my man.

Quote:
Originally Posted by LucyVanPelt View Post
People who do frequent hookups have a rule: Stay In Your Lane.

You picked a guy up on line just to have sex with. That's all he was interested in, and he apparently was willing to take it wherever he could find it. He found it with someone else. He clearly wasn't boyfriend material, but you wanted him to switch lanes from sex toy to boyfriend. He apparently wanted to stay in his lane.

Your "friend" also didn't see him as boyfriend material for you. She didn't steal him; you gave him to her. "Sloppy seconds" is actually an insult, though. IMO she clearly isn't girlfriend material. She didn't stay in her lane.

And since you found them getting busy while you were out meeting with your boyfriend, I suspect you aren't ready to be girlfriend material yet, either.

So, which lane do you want to be in? Perhaps it's time for you to rethink whether or not this casual hook-up culture is really for you. Maybe you are ready to get serious with your life, sex, men, friends, etc. If you are, figure out what you want to do and surround yourself with people who actually want the best for you.

Good luck and Happy New Year!
I've decided to move in with my boyfriend. I want THAT lane. I want no part of hookup culture anymore, I want it to be him and I forever. I want to fully devote to being girlfriend material. Yes, neither of my friends were girlfriend/boyfriend material which is why I should be rather happy that they're now stuck with each other- surely it can't end well.

Thank you. Happy New Year as well!
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Old January 2nd, 2017, 02:11 PM
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KayKay KayKay is offline
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Re: "Friend" stole my man.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Eyeofthetigerfire View Post
I've decided to move in with my boyfriend. I want THAT lane. I want no part of hookup culture anymore, I want it to be him and I forever. I want to fully devote to being girlfriend material. Yes, neither of my friends were girlfriend/boyfriend material which is why I should be rather happy that they're now stuck with each other- surely it can't end well.

Thank you. Happy New Year as well!
I'm glad to hear this. Best of luck to you!
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Old January 2nd, 2017, 02:18 PM
Eyeofthetigerfire Eyeofthetigerfire is offline
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Re: "Friend" stole my man.

Quote:
Originally Posted by KayKay View Post
I'm confused.

You sought out and made an arrangement with this guy to cheat on your boyfriend. Your relationship was purely for sex even though you ended up liking him as a friend. He was obviously interested in your friend, and they ended up hooking up while you were visiting your boyfriend, and now they are a couple.

Do I have that right?

Honestly, I think you shouldn't consider it them choosing each other over you. It's not like you really had a claim to him even though you call him "my man" in your thread title. He was a FWB. The unfortunate thing about that type of relationship is that when one party decides to end it to enter into a monogamous relationship, the other party has to just accept that decision.

I'm sorry for you - it is very awkward that you walked in on that, and hurtful. But I think the key thing for you to do is come to terms with what your "rights" were in your relationship with that guy. Unfortunately, as a FWB who entered into a relationship for sex only, you didn't have any.

What about your boyfriend? Is he hurt that you sought out a purely sexual relationship?
I don't plan on ever telling my boyfriend about this. He knows about the guy as my friend but he didn't know about the hooking up. I don't see a point in telling him, it happened while we were hours apart after he blew me off. Now, we've decided to move in together. It's unimportant and regretted.

I guess I expected rights to him because I'm the one who found him, if that makes sense. I'm pretty territorial but I thought it was just common knowledge for my friend to see him as mine and off-limits. I guess that's just me.

Yes, you had that right except I didn't seek the guy out to cheat on my boyfriend, I sought him out to give me what I needed and missed at the moment. My boyfriend will never know about that and most likely wouldn't want to. We all slip up when we're in need.
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Old January 2nd, 2017, 02:26 PM
Eyeofthetigerfire Eyeofthetigerfire is offline
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Re: "Friend" stole my man.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Annsdil View Post
Maybe I'm being harsh. But karma comes to mind. Unless you and your boyfriend have a mutually agreed open relationship, you've cheated on him. You now feel your friends have cheated on you? How do you think from your experience that your boyfriend may feel about your FWB?
I'd like to think that my boyfriend would understand. I picked the guy up after he blew me off for the millionth time knowing I was lonely and... sexually in need.

I think it's pretty mean and careless to say this is my karma. Me hooking up this guy was intended only as a means of helping me cope with missing my boyfriend. Of course we ended up being friends and I ended up feeling close to him which wasn't intended but my intentions were pure.

Him and my friend shacking up was NOT done with pure or desperate intentions. They didn't need to betray me, they just plain and simply wanted to. He could've had any girl and she could've had any guy if they were horny but to choose each other in secret while they knew I was away? Unjustifiable.
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Old January 2nd, 2017, 02:32 PM
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Annsdil Annsdil is offline
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Re: "Friend" stole my man.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Eyeofthetigerfire View Post
I'd like to think that my boyfriend would understand. I picked the guy up after he blew me off for the millionth time knowing I was lonely and... sexually in need.

I think it's pretty mean and careless to say this is my karma. Me hooking up this guy was intended only as a means of helping me cope with missing my boyfriend. Of course we ended up being friends and I ended up feeling close to him which wasn't intended but my intentions were pure.

Him and my friend shacking up was NOT done with pure or desperate intentions. They didn't need to betray me, they just plain and simply wanted to. He could've had any girl and she could've had any guy if they were horny but to choose each other in secret while they knew I was away? Unjustifiable.
Karma is cause and effect. You caused betrayal of your boyfriend and now you see the effect.
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