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  #11  
Old July 7th, 2016, 07:03 PM
Catwoman Catwoman is offline
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Re: Difficult friends becoming more distant, not interested.

Just an update, I heard absolutely nothing from this friend, its about 6 weeks later,not even a text to say hello. Im not expecting to hear from her either. Oh well I wont be bothering with her again. Im picking she will leave it few months and make contact out of guilt when she is ready or available, the friendship is all about when she is ready to make contact and is not busy with her many church projects....its called avoid something it will just go away oh well....but I will just say Im busy.

Last edited by Catwoman; July 7th, 2016 at 07:14 PM.
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  #12  
Old July 8th, 2016, 01:16 PM
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Re: Difficult friends becoming more distant, not interested.

- That's sad though. She really should have been more open.
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  #13  
Old July 8th, 2016, 02:46 PM
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Re: Difficult friends becoming more distant, not interested.

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- That's sad though. She really should have been more open.
Its her choice though sadly. Over time I have watched her spending less time with outsiders and more and more time with her church. I understand that's what she wants to do and she entitled to do what ever. She told me sharply that we cant meet up on days shes busy with her voluntary work,when we were trying to make arrangements for lunch last time.I found myslef having to agree to the days she wasnt busy,but she wasnt caring about when I said I had something to do. Church takes up about 4 + days of her week.But I do think that its dangerous to limit yourself to one group of people and move away from your other long time friends. I think I have been friends with her a lot longer than people at her church,they sound like they seem to come and go so she has told me. I'm disappointed to be treated with contempt by her by not doing what she said she would which was to at least make contact one week after our meeting. But I also realise this is how she deals with stuff, and her and her sister are involved in this church,and her sister has a bit of influence over her.This church does encourage friendships within the church and to treat outsiders as lesser value,as they are viewed as worldy and on the outside.They even view themselves as above all other religions. It doesn't make me want to make any future effort with her now. I don't think the church will be there for her in the long run,even though she's clinging on to that hope....her choice I suppose....she will end up will a few fair weather friends,with no view to long term friendships.

Last edited by Catwoman; July 8th, 2016 at 03:00 PM.
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  #14  
Old September 25th, 2016, 01:37 PM
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Re: Difficult friends becoming more distant, not interested.

Was just thinking it has now been 4 months since I last spoke to this friend. Its the longest we have ever gone without contact. I'm not going to chase her,as she did say she would phone me all those months ago and never did,not even one text.....I'm not expecting to hear from her again actually,I wanted to see if she would even bother??. Pretty sad considering it was a 12 year friendship.....our other friend that she was just as close to has heard nothing from her also......we think she is deeply entrenched in her group,and influenced by her sister who follows her around and is in the same church group with her, but nothing lasts forever,even groups change,what then??. Who is left if your life changes and you leave a group?,if you turn your back on friends that dont fit your group?.Will they still be there?......looking back Im glad shes ditched me now,as I know I really cannot rely on her,not even for a phone call....neither am I a last choice friend or one who you feel you dont have much time for and only ring because you feel guilty ,or you have nothing else to do....which I have realised is what this friend does all the time....ironically I noticed she would never treat her church friends this way,she would even treat a new friend there with more respect than her old ones. But if I guess if you are not in her group you are out of luck. Religion or no religion I think it is dangerous to limit yourself to only one group of people in any case,like she is now doing.

Last edited by Catwoman; September 25th, 2016 at 02:33 PM.
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  #15  
Old September 25th, 2016, 03:55 PM
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Re: Difficult friends becoming more distant, not interested.

I've had friends who I was really close to whom without rhyme nor reason just stopped contact with me. I dwelled on the why's and wherefores for sometime but then I've got on with my life and not concerned myself with what they are doing with theirs and the choices they are making.

Which is why your statement about being dangerous to only limit yourself to one group is a concern for her and her only. That is a path she needs to follow and if she realises that it is the wrong path for her she'll need to figure out how to get to the right one.

It can be frustrating but their rationale and reasoning is theirs alone, only to share if they want to do so.
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  #16  
Old September 25th, 2016, 09:22 PM
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Re: Difficult friends becoming more distant, not interested.

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Originally Posted by Annsdil View Post
I've had friends who I was really close to whom without rhyme nor reason just stopped contact with me. I dwelled on the why's and wherefores for sometime but then I've got on with my life and not concerned myself with what they are doing with theirs and the choices they are making.

Which is why your statement about being dangerous to only limit yourself to one group is a concern for her and her only. That is a path she needs to follow and if she realises that it is the wrong path for her she'll need to figure out how to get to the right one.

It can be frustrating but their rationale and reasoning is theirs alone, only to share if they want to do so.


Yes I agree with you actually. I just feel that even if she comes back to me one day or we see each other in public I will be more than likely to find an excuse not to talk to her, it will be far too late for me.
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  #17  
Old September 26th, 2016, 02:16 AM
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Re: Difficult friends becoming more distant, not interested.

I've encountered that situation with an ex friend after three years. One where contact just stopped. We bumped into each other at the local supermarket. Our two girls, who previously were at different schools, are now at the same secondary school and have become friends. I think we both felt compelled to exchange pleasantries and acknowledge that through our kids we may see each other. But I couldn't trust this person again. I couldn't be as intimate, likely well just be accquaintences.
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  #18  
Old September 26th, 2016, 12:38 PM
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Re: Difficult friends becoming more distant, not interested.

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Originally Posted by Annsdil View Post
I've encountered that situation with an ex friend after three years. One where contact just stopped. We bumped into each other at the local supermarket. Our two girls, who previously were at different schools, are now at the same secondary school and have become friends. I think we both felt compelled to exchange pleasantries and acknowledge that through our kids we may see each other. But I couldn't trust this person again. I couldn't be as intimate, likely well just be accquaintences.

If I see this woman again, as annoyed at her as I am at how she has treated me, I wouldnt make a scene or even try to discuss it,I would just try to avoid her I think. Shes slowly become a person who will only make contact if and when she feels like it,or when shes not with her group, who would be her first choice. We used to be very close and she even house sat for me last year for a few weeks. I have listened and helped her with relationship problems etc in the past,and things she needed to talk about.We used to make a point of seeing each other at least every few weeks,and we went shopping together etc.We have been friends for 12 years. I have noticed over the years the gaps between our visits have gotten longer in between and she has less interest to try to maintain our friendship really. I found I was the one doing all the work there. Its her birthday next month and I have decided I'm not going to even bother acknowledging it.Last year she text me on her birthday, after we hadn't seen each other for about 2 months.She wanted to make a date the next day to go shopping and have lunch to celebrate it,so we did. It was like she wanted me to know it was her day,and she wanted to plan something for it.She used to wish my kids and hubby happy birthday as well but I noticed that's stopped. I felt bad for asking her to be involved in our wills, but really it was just down to her rudeness and shes now using it as a reason to move away from us, instead of being an adult about it......well that's her choice,and I completely get it that I don't fit her religious group of friends now (shes is a born again Christian with SDA church). But it has ruined it for the future for me now, I'm done. I know there is a chance I could see her in other circles so I'm not going to go into it with her,but I'm only going to be diplomatically polite, I wont be making any effort to talk to her if I see her. I know I'm not imagining it as other friends have said the same about her not making an effort to see people,and only when shes ready to, or not at all as some of us are non religious..... I just never expected to be dumped from such a height I guess??. I think perhaps I cared more about her than she did me in the end.....something I should have realised a while ago.

Last edited by Catwoman; September 26th, 2016 at 03:39 PM.
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  #19  
Old September 27th, 2016, 10:42 AM
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Re: Difficult friends becoming more distant, not interested.

Guess a person can't go wrong with acquaintance's. No expectations to be expected. At least I wouldn't expect any expectations from someone I don't expect any expectations from.

Of course... I think y'all would expect something like that from me.
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  #20  
Old September 27th, 2016, 12:13 PM
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Re: Difficult friends becoming more distant, not interested.

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Originally Posted by Knot2loud View Post
Guess a person can't go wrong with acquaintance's. No expectations to be expected. At least I wouldn't expect any expectations from someone I don't expect any expectations from.

Of course... I think y'all would expect something like that from me.

You are onto something there actually.

I now only go for friendships where we are not too involved in each others lives. I have friends where we respect each other but there is plenty of space.I no longer get really involved too deeply any more with others,as its not worth it. I now prefer people who I only see every few months and even then its nothing too involved,just a cuppa and a laugh...but that's it really. I do think I have just met the wrong people, Ive been too nice,but that left me a target, and I haven't been able to see they weren't really friends in the first place. I have also attracted some real morons too lol.

Last edited by Catwoman; September 27th, 2016 at 12:17 PM.
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