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  #41  
Old January 19th, 2015, 12:26 PM
Catwoman Catwoman is offline
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Cool Re: About to end this friendship before Xmas

To be honest I'm quite guarded now when I meet someone new, I keep my distance,I just talk about the weather. They may be perfectly fine....but I'm a bit put off getting involved friendship wise with anyone now. Even though it would be nice to meet some decent people for once, I dont want to get too involved in their lives in future.....its put me off with what's happened recently to be honest. I think its made me feel like I want to be really careful, I think I just want to keep to my own little family life with my 2 kids and my hubby,its much safer.

Last edited by Catwoman; January 19th, 2015 at 12:31 PM.
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  #42  
Old January 19th, 2015, 01:13 PM
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Re: About to end this friendship before Xmas

Some of our best friends are work colleagues, and family. Socialise with the former, holiday with the latter.

So in agreement with you about the friendships that have been lost along the way. Just like you, i have to chat to people at the bus stop, in lifts, at the line in the supermarket, and can make friends easily. My husband is VERY much better at reading people at first meeting than i am though, and he just will not get close to any of the odd ones. I often can't tell for a couple of years, but he's been 100% right over so many occasions. If you don't have that instinct, you just have to be more guarded i guess?

Good luck!
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  #43  
Old January 19th, 2015, 01:44 PM
Catwoman Catwoman is offline
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Wink Re: About to end this friendship before Xmas

Hi Mrs X, I agree with you. My problem is in recent times people have "Hooked" onto me so to speak. I wouldn't say I was even looking for those friendships. One girl was a parent on my son's soccer team 5 yrs ago. She was all over us,and I liked her as she seemed like fun in the beginning, and we were invited to her son's birthday party not long after that....fast forward to finding out she was quite an angry person with many problems including smoking drugs daily at home,I suspected she was also doing other drugs too by the way she acted. I decided after an incident that showed me she was a nutcase, I said I wanted to end the friendship.

To which she fired off a lot of abuse via text etc,after I saw them in the shopping centre after breaking it off,and I avoided talking to them running the other way when I saw them from a distance,she text me abusively,saying how dare I not speak to her and her son. I could never stand her son, and he (7)also punched my cat one day and lied about it, that did it for me not long after that.I just didnt see what she was really like.She was quite infatuated with me,even delivering my bday present after I said I didnt want to be friends, to my doorstep which was a glass with 2 little girls holding hands saying they were twins etc,that creeped me out tbh. I was angry she seemed to be hanging around my home etc, I threw it out in anger. She said angrily who did I think I was??,and I shouldnt be so immature as to not talk to her and her son in the shopping centre??!!That was a short friendship of 1 year, I just knew I had to get rid of her. That was a lucky escape.

This last ex friend that Ive been blogging about, I met up with her at our local pool complex again after not seeing her for some years,after we had visited each other a couple of times after meeting at work, we spent a few hours talking while our kids played,and then we were invited to a bbq that day at their house.We went and it was fun, but that day I could see her husband was a total waster,drunk and falling over himself. I tried to over look that because it wasnt actually her.....but as time went on I started feeling like she was taking what she could get from people until there was the final incident at her home 2 yrs later helping me make up my mind. She seemed to be hiding the fact they were quite rude and feral,and it showed when I ended it. She got so angry at me for breaking it off,and I wasnt even nasty back??. I have to admit she is known for being standoffish and abrupt/rude to people, but she kept that side of her hidden to me for 2 years. It wasnt till I broke it off I saw it.
It was that first day she suggested start a business together,which I found rather odd?, but I just politely fobbed her off until I had to seriously tell her it wasnt happening.

I feel I didnt see the wood for the trees,or I am just too friendly,and that these people were trying to mask who they really were......only to have the creature surface later.

I do know that both these last people had a sincere quality to start with, they both seemed genuine and caring with something that drew me in...maybe it was just the fact they seemed interesting?....maybe I mistakened that for friendship??, I just should have been more careful.

Its really put me off people now sadly.


Whats really quite funny is that I have discovered its perfectly acceptable to say goodbye to a friendship,but do it without nastiness,which I have been careful to do,yet people think you owe them your life?, its like a lover, you cant make them love you,if they dont let them go,there's no point in trying to change their decision??...its over!!

Last edited by Catwoman; January 19th, 2015 at 02:17 PM.
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  #44  
Old January 19th, 2015, 03:18 PM
skcupik skcupik is offline
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Re: About to end this friendship before Xmas

Why do you think you're attracting these people?

I have a similar problem and there are a number of things that I'm doing subconsciously to attract and then enable those toxic friendships. I'm working on breaking those patterns and it's quite difficult but it's useful to look at it from the perspective of asking "what am I doing that makes this happen to me over and over?"

It's like the universe wants me to learn a lesson but it's up to me to determine what that lesson is.

Have you identified any more of the pattern?
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  #45  
Old January 19th, 2015, 05:20 PM
Catwoman Catwoman is offline
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Re: About to end this friendship before Xmas

Hi Skcupik, I get what you mean....yes I have been totally trying to pin that down. I am a very friendly person as I've said, I can talk to anyone even when I dont know them. My forte is talking lol......I think Im maybe too friendly and too trusting,and should be more choosy who I associate with......I think I have been targeted by these people......sometimes I think I ignore the signs when they are there, I don't know I've done it until I have.

I also believe in fate and destiny, in that we meet every person for a reason good or bad,and we learn learn from each experience.

I've been through a lot in my life (no addictions or anything) just a hard up bringing which has made me quite a crocodile with a thick skin, but I find as I have got older my tolerance for other people's drama and trouble is 0.......so it has resulted in me telling some people where to get off.....I'm quite black and white about things too now.

Last edited by Catwoman; January 19th, 2015 at 05:25 PM.
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  #46  
Old January 22nd, 2015, 02:22 PM
Catwoman Catwoman is offline
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Smile Re: About to end this friendship before Xmas

I was thinking today that I really dont even miss my ex friend at all now, I felt guilty when I first broke it off, and I felt sad that maybe I would miss her. But surprisingly I dont??. I guess I can now see who she really is and what shes really like, and I don't like any of it. Funny when you step back you see the bigger picture, I'm glad it happened, as odd and as unpleasant as it was, as I'm so glad I have gotten away from her, not that I didnt enjoy or respect the friendship at the time......didnt quite expect to feel like this??
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  #47  
Old February 14th, 2015, 02:09 PM
Catwoman Catwoman is offline
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Smile Re: About to end this friendship before Xmas

Well its exactly 2 months to the day that I ended this friendship I was thinking its good I have not seen or heard a thing since that day she text me her nastiness.
I did notice that none of the 80 something friends have returned to her Facebook list since 2 months ago when she dumped them all,and then left her friends list public on her page and that speaks volumes. She still only has 7, and I doubt shes even seen any of those people at all anyway.....they are very distant aquaintances to be honest( 3 close ones dont even live in the same city or country, 4 are friends of friends, that I dont know why she counts as friends?).......I do still keep a look out when Im out and about that they are not in my immediate area.........no regrets at all......I may never, ever see her again, we dont do any of the same stuff or go to any of the same sports clubs even.......I will be very happy if dont ever see her again.......my husband saw one of her friends the other day in the supermarket, we met her at their home and she got quite close to her, yet my ex friend dumped her off her page. The friend of hers didnt mention anything and just chatted about the weather and her job that was finishing.....good she mentioned nothing.

Last edited by Catwoman; February 14th, 2015 at 02:14 PM.
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  #48  
Old February 15th, 2015, 08:46 AM
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Re: About to end this friendship before Xmas

Def better off without her. Who would have known though?
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  #49  
Old February 15th, 2015, 10:30 AM
Catwoman Catwoman is offline
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Cool Re: About to end this friendship before Xmas

Hi Mrs X,yes I am better off without her. I was just a bit sad at the beginning when it happened because up till then we got on really well, and I felt a bit bad just dismissing her. But stepping back I realized it was totally the right thing to do,and that she had shown me who she really was, I just didnt see it at the time, you often dont when people are trying really hard to be someone other than themselves, they seemed to be trying really hard to impress us I feel.......no loss to me in the end........what surprised me was the tirade of nastiness when she accused us of using them etc, which was completely unfounded and untrue, instead of apologizing for something that happened in her home that was costing her friendship with me......but its who she was, I understand that now.....and this a selfish, self serving person, whos friends all had a purpose to provide her with something, to help her out in some way, and when you dont comply, there is trouble. She picked the wrong person really, as Im a 'kick butt' kind of person, and I will dump someone pretty quickly if they are being too much for me, or causing me trouble.

Last edited by Catwoman; February 15th, 2015 at 10:43 AM.
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  #50  
Old March 8th, 2015, 01:49 PM
Catwoman Catwoman is offline
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Smile Re: About to end this friendship before Xmas

Yesterday My husband and kids were approached by my ex friend's 11 year old son in the park up the road that's in our street. Its now been 3 months since we saw them. Hubby and kids go up there nearly every day to play soccer etc.

Yesterday they were playing together when over walked my ex friend's son and his friend. My two kids werent really interested in talking to him. As they said whenever we went over there to their place he always came out and told on them or moaned about them, that he was always the instigator of trouble, to which we always investigated and asked them all to play together nicely.

My kids said they didnt like the way he was always a bit of a trouble maker,and couldnt really be bothered with him.

He approached my husband and said "Why wont the boys, talk to me?, is it because they will get in trouble with their Mum (meaning me)?

Hubby answered " No, but I cant make them talk to you if they dont want to, did you ask them why?" the boy then went quiet and walked away.

Hubby said they all carried on playing as they were playing in a group. But our kids didnt talk to him,they let him talk but didnt really answer or engage in conversation and then they eventually went home after a while,as the other boy's Mum turned up to pick them up, she said a brief hello and left.

They were civil but subtley let him know they werent interested in being friends, we also live just down the road and dont want him coming down to our house either. My oldest son was annoyed when this boy hacked his online account while he was playing, he caught him doing it red handed. This kid knows he got caught by my son, and is still bold enough to ask why no one wants talk to him??

In my own way I did feel a bit sorry for him,as hes an only child with little guidance from parents who use playstation as a baby sitter, and dont do much with him. But I dont want to go back and be friend's with his Mum again.

Dont want to be nasty, but dont want to have any contact with my ex friend at all.

Last edited by Catwoman; March 8th, 2015 at 03:40 PM.
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