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  #11  
Old December 11th, 2014, 02:40 PM
Catwoman Catwoman is offline
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Re: About to end this friendship before Xmas

Im ready for it actually, she will have to realise she may need to up her game in future about how you treat people in your life. She knows Im a tuff cookie who takes no prisoners.I dont stand for any ****e from anyone. I realised she is in fact very self serving and I dont want to be part of that. I said my best wishes for next year and that we should both accept thats then end and move on. I said no hard feelings,and I wasnt nasty in any way.....if she comes back at me angry...I wont buy into it....
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  #12  
Old December 12th, 2014, 08:24 AM
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Re: About to end this friendship before Xmas

Well I havent heard a thing since dropping my bombshell, Im happy with that, so she must be feeling either angry or annoyed or dumb founded. Either way she has to face it, its over.....Im quite relieved to be honest. No more drama.
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  #13  
Old December 13th, 2014, 03:20 AM
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Re: About to end this friendship before Xmas

Sometimes you don't have to say anything to end a friendship..just stop communicating with them.

I ended two very close friendships this past year and it broke my heart because they were what I thought were two of my very best friends. The first was a close friend for nearly 20 years, but it came to the point that I was giving more than I was getting.

I started questioning our friendship when first of all, she had me constantly waiting for her while she was incessantly three hours late all the time. Even when I went to pick her up at her house, she'd be ready, but then decided to go through five changes of clothes like it was some kind of fashion show. To top it off, she always complained about being broke.

I went with her out of town to help her move, while she spent all her money shopping. She had the audacity to borrow $20 bucks from me to get us home as her gas tank was empty. To top THAT off, she met me out with $8.00 in change she'd dug out of her boyfriend's change jar..again complaining she was sooo broke, so I borrowed her ANOTHER $20 bucks (yeah I know..my fault!!).

Bottom line was, she promised to pay me back; and told me she'd drop it off in my mailbox one night, even though I offered to meet her. No show. I knew she spent it shopping, so I gave her the benefit, and asked if she'd dropped it off..if not..maybe someone had stolen it?? She went on that one, letting me think someone had stolen it rather than paying me back.

I was done after that one.

Second friend was my best friend in the world at one time. She was like a sister to me. But she lied to me, telling me she wasn't attracting to one of her very good friend's boyfriends. This friend of hers was kind enough to introduce her to her boyfriend, let her hang out with them etc., while this friend of mine talked for hours on the phone with her friend's boyfriend, sent him text messages right in front of her friend, etc.

When this friend got tired of the flirting, she confronted my friend, and of course she denied it and then my so called bestie came to me telling me what a b*** this friend was, how possessive she was, etc., and she wanted NOTHING to do with her.

I asked my friend, "What about him??" and she told me, "Well HE didn't do anything wrong..all we were doing was talking. I can't help it she's so jealous..he and I are just friends."

Friends?? Yeah sure. Best friends don't lie to each other and she could have just come right out and told me..

But she didn't. And that put a little damper on our friendship.

After that, this guy and her friend broke up..so he could be with my friend. That's something you just don't do. I let it go until she asked me to cover her *** regarding another guy she'd been with that she hadn't told him about. Secret secret. Told me I was her best friend in the entire world and that I should "Please not tell him the real truth.."

Talk about high school ****!!

After that I rarely heard from her...even when I needed her the most.

She was too busy not letting that guy out of her sight and posting all their lovey dovey pictures on FB,,same pose..different background.

Last was when I texted her and asked her to help me move. "Well I would, but since I live in blah blah now, it'll be a little tough (the town is 20 minutes from me..), she works in the same town I live in, has weekends off, her bf has a truck, etc,

When I split with my ex, I gave her sooo much stuff and in addition, told her to help herself to anything I couldn't move. She and her current hubby took TRUCKLOADS of stuff not only for herself..but she furnished her mom's place also, without even so much as a thank you.

When my current hubby and I got married, she helped herself to huge amounts of leftover cake..(without even asking me)..and I learned later that she'd passed it around to her entire neighborhood.

I am done.
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  #14  
Old December 13th, 2014, 04:06 AM
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Re: About to end this friendship before Xmas

Hi Catwoman,
I'm glad that your decision to cut off with her had a positive effect and not a negative one.
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  #15  
Old December 13th, 2014, 11:46 AM
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Talking Re: About to end this friendship before Xmas

Wow Ive enjoyed reading everybody's comments, I dont feel so alone on the matter. I thought I should just tell my ex friend that I had made up my mind not to continue as at the beginning of the week I had said we just need a breather etc and we would see them after Xmas. But I saw what she was like with another 2 friends earlier this year who ditched her after many years and they had a huge messaging war. I also kept the goodbye without nastiness or attack / blame as my husband still works in the same industry as her, and you never know where you might be working in future.I could have just fobbed her off which is what I was going to do, but then I would have to pretend being busy or that I actually wanted to talk to her if I saw her at the mall etc, I'm not a great faker, If I dont like someone that's it, it's over. I was also supposed to have her boy over while she went to her work do this week, so I needed to get this one over with.
It was only a friendship of 1-2 years but we started spending a lot of time together. I realised I had been feeling annoyed and neg about a lot of things with her, just the way she is etc and that cant be changed.

When I look back she was an opportunist friend, but not so obvious sometimes. It was really wierd to decipher. Alarm bells first rang when she wanted us to take 100k loan out on our home to start a business with them at the very beginning of our friendship,and use our home to have the plant,and she wanted a wage as well out of it?. She said we would easily get the loan,and were good with money, she said they had no savings but would be part of the business on paper and put in money later, She even did research and went into figures about how to do it, to which I felt bad telling her we are sorry but we dont want to go into business with friends as it can turn ugly,I later found out they are most terrible people with money, in so much choking debt and making more daily, spending thousands on credit cards, lucky we didnt do it, she seemed deflated......I went away feeling sad I had shot her down, but I had to get it straight. Then came the putting me on the spot to have their son for sleepovers etc,shed suggest it in front of him,and then he would plead asking to stay with my boys, I thought that was rude. I ended up cancelling a few times. I used to take food and treats to BBQs at hers and leave them there if there were not consumed,as that was my contribution, yet if we were having a BBQ at mine I noticed she would take any food that she bought that wasnt eaten, treats, meat etc and take it home,so I realised we supplied most of everything at our house. Then I got asked to do her brother's CV, and he was going to give me a couple of nice drinks as payment, until it all blew up and of course I just got a slap in the face and told not to do anything that will upset him??.
She really was an opportunist friend, taking what she can get from people, but believing she invested more than what she gave. I almost forgot the time we took my 2 boys and her son to the pools to swim, she sat down while I ended up standing up by the deep wave pool watching all 3 by myself, she didnt get up once just looking up at me to ask if they were ok a couple of times, she had no view of her son that cant even swim,that was on a big blowup lilo in the deep end, to which I waived them all in telling her she better have a word to him, as he cant swim and it was over 3m deep. I thought that was really lazy and odd, but some parents let other parents mind their kids so they dont have to,that incident stuck with me too. They are very lazy with the one child they have,and dont even make sure he eats properly even......very lazy and strange I thought.

I just thought to save alot of arguing I should just get it over with and tell her its all off, Im glad I did, and yes it was done by facebook messaging but, she gets pretty mad and I didnt want that, and she wanted endless meetings with the other friends when they tried to repair damage,but it sounded like as they were in her home she turned it around on them, so they walked away feeling ambushed. At least I got my point across,clear and simple, and they know where we stand.

You meet some strange people out there, its a bit off putting really. I thought I knew her as we had met many years before this and I worked at the same company as her too, and we just clicked, as first it was such fun, until the cracks started to show, I dont regret my final decision, at least I dont have to make excuses for not going there as I realised I had started to do even a year go I remember at new year, Its over thank goodness.

I truely believe a bolt of lightening out of the blue does surprise us sometimes, and not under nice circumstances either, but its for a reason, and that reason saves us from worse trauma down the line.

Last edited by Catwoman; December 13th, 2014 at 04:43 PM.
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  #16  
Old December 14th, 2014, 09:46 PM
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Angry Re: About to end this friendship before Xmas

Ok so a week later tonight I have had a few texts from this ex friend accusing us of being fake and using them for all sorts of things and that all of of this is our fault, and calling me nasty and that I will die a lonely old lady one day lol......I just said it was all in her head and she could think what she liked, I said that the trouble started there and its not the sort of place we would like to go now.....so I have had several angry texts saying we are fakes and that we used them for entertainment, company and repairs on our house. Yes her husband did help with the replacement of one window sill, and helped to hang our gates to which we thanked them several times,he repaired our front stairs without us asking, he just did it and said he wanted to,to which we said thanks,my hubby also went there to help them rip out their bathroom,and we had their son a few times to stay etc, we more than provided stuff going there including birthday cakes etc,but I wasnt counting till now lol,and last week I took her husband a nice birthday present at a bbq they invited us to,they have also been to countless bbqs at ours,.......I think she is just really mad I broke it off....she also said they did nothing wrong and we started all this trouble,.but I didnt play her game and was never nasty at all.....I just said thank you for showing me I made the right decision, Merry Xmas.......I think some people are a little unhinged, thinking the world owes them............a lucky escape me thinks!!

Last edited by Catwoman; December 15th, 2014 at 01:40 AM.
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  #17  
Old December 15th, 2014, 03:45 AM
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Re: About to end this friendship before Xmas

You are right; she confirmed your good decision!
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  #18  
Old December 15th, 2014, 08:04 AM
Catwoman Catwoman is offline
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Smile Re: About to end this friendship before Xmas

Thank you, yes I dont doubt my decision at all, and interestingly I have discovered she is just like her angry, nasty brother she used to complain about to me. They are the same in that they harp on about being victims, that other people have done them wrong and how much people owe them.They both also dont like it when things dont go their way. It was interesting that two other girls who had been friends with her 20 years had ditched her earlier this year,she showed me the text fight she created with them,she harped how much she was owed by them,to which they told her to go jump. I even felt a bit sorry for her when I did call it off, not meaning to be nasty in any way, but now I don't. 1.5 years of friendship, I think we got away from these people with minimal scarring, before they ruined our Xmas. I dont think there is anything wrong with ending something, but some people think you owe it to them for some reason.....this girl cant stand to not control people, she even talks down to her husband in front of other people,dressing him down,about their personal budget etc,and telling people in the room about how shes caught him on porn sites several times,they have to pay for??,which is a tad embarrassing(this came out on the day of the last incident)I dont feel we ripped anyone off, or took advantage of them either in any way,that was just an attempt to make us feel guilty,it didnt work, I showed hubby the texts, he thinks shes a little bit crazy lol.....Im just happy to get away from them....... I truely believe that people accidentally show you who they really are....and she did just that.

Last edited by Catwoman; December 15th, 2014 at 08:17 AM.
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  #19  
Old December 15th, 2014, 08:09 AM
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Re: About to end this friendship before Xmas

Quote:
Originally Posted by Catwoman View Post
I think we got away from these people, before they ruined our Xmas. I dont think there is anything wrong with ending something, but some people think you owe it to them for some reason.
This is really important. You didn't ask for advice, but you really want a good Christmas and you want this relationship, so I'm going to suggest that you now cut all ties with her and not respond to anything. If you need to block her phone calls, FB posts, emails, etc. do so. Don't get caught up in further communication. Positive or negative, it keeps you connected to her in some way, and every response lets her know that it's not really "the end." Just be a black hole where communication from her is concerned.

Good luck!
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  #20  
Old December 15th, 2014, 08:28 AM
Catwoman Catwoman is offline
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Smile Re: About to end this friendship before Xmas

Thank you yes I will do that 100%, and I was thinking that last night actually. I promised another friend last night I will not answer any more texts,emails etc.I agree its best to just stop.....and more annoying if you dont play the game anyway inadvertently. "Dont feed the troll'But I will archive the texts in case there is any silly trouble with threats or any other silly ideas people get in their heads to harm others. I am so glad I didnt sink to her level with accusations and nastiness, its easy to get angry and do that....but I didnt.

Last edited by Catwoman; December 15th, 2014 at 08:31 AM.
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