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Old August 3rd, 2014, 02:26 PM
Diamonds Diamonds is offline
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Don't know how to deal with this situation with people I thought were friends

Hello all!
Sorry to bother you again, seems like I'm posting quite some threads lately...but now there's an issue I have no idea how to handle.

Let me start by saying I have two groups of friends, a quite bigger group in my own town, with people who support me, people I have fun with, ask me to hang out and all that. Then I have a group (three people) of friends in another town about 30-40mins drive from home. Lately that last group is acting different. I went to a birthdayparty of one of them last Friday and I had a good time, they invited me, I could sleep over because of trains and transportation issues. But when I talk about something in my life that's important to me and something I want advise on or need to get off my chest, they listen but barely mention anything, they mostly change the subject or handle it very briefly so they can change it. Also, when we plan to meet up, the last three times things came up they forgot to mention to me, like plans on where to sleep or what to bring, or other events one of them had to go to. Like tonight, we were planning on going out to a club for someone's birthday, just the four of us. We talked about going on facebook this morning but no hour or planning was made. I heard nothing about it all day and around 21:15 one of them texts me they're almost there and when I was going to be there. I had no clue when they were going and nothing was said so I was a bit "ehm...". They were going with the three of them and I was joining them there. They had time to get ready, pick the other girl up and drive for half an hour before they could text me on when they would be there. None of them thought about letting me know they were getting ready or going to pick someone up or when they would leave home to go there. I told them I couldn't make it in time anymore (we had to be there before 10 and it was half an hour drive, I was at other friends and had to go home and get ready). They're quite pissed off now. I'm bummed with that, mostly because I thought they were friends and I have two festivals planned with them where I already have a ticket for.

Sorry for this rant but I have no idea how to react to them now, should I text them first? Should I ignore it? What if they really are annoyed that I didn't show up? Ugh...
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Old August 3rd, 2014, 03:04 PM
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Re: Don't know how to deal with this situation with people I thought were friends

You say they neglected to mention specifics of the plans, but did you ask? Sometimes it's hard to keep track of who knows what.
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Old August 3rd, 2014, 03:06 PM
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Re: Don't know how to deal with this situation with people I thought were friends

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You say they neglected to mention specifics of the plans, but did you ask? Sometimes it's hard to keep track of who knows what.
No, I didn't ask, because I thought they would put it in the group conversation on facebook. They could text the girl they were picking up to let her know what time and where, but apparently they couldn't text me. They have to drive 50mins or so, I only half an hour. We usually text or put on facebook the time we meet. It's like, they can get ready, pick her up, drive half an hour or so (since they said they were almost there) and then text me when. If they did that when they started to get ready to go out, I'd have no problem with that.
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Old August 3rd, 2014, 03:47 PM
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Re: Don't know how to deal with this situation with people I thought were friends

Well, I can see how aggravating this could be, and I don't blame you. I just think it was a miscommunication somehow. Maybe they didn't realize that you'd be at other friends' and would need time to go home and get ready. Maybe they figured you'd be home getting ready at 9:15pm. I don't know the whole specifics of the incident. Did you know that you had to be there by 10:00pm?

To answer your question about how you should react, if it were me I'd ignore it and chalk it up to miscommunication. I'd probably ask how the club was and express regret about missing out, but that's one of those life-lesson things. You have learned that if you don't hear specifics from them, you probably ought to ask, and they have learned that they need to give you details sooner.

Do you think there's more to it because of the way their behavior has been lately? Do you think you were deliberately told at the last minute to prevent you from going?
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Old August 3rd, 2014, 10:41 PM
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Re: Don't know how to deal with this situation with people I thought were friends

Hm, they knew, I told them I couldn't come over to them because I was at a BBQ. So I thought they'd let me know when and where to meet, I forgot we should be there before 10. I want to ignore it, but I'm afraid they (or one of them) are/is angry at me for missing it.
I was thinking about sending them a group message on facebook, telling them I'm sorry I couldn't make it, but that I forgot we had to be there before ten and that I kinda thought they'd let me know when they were meeting up.
But then again, maybe it's better to just ignore it.

I'm starting to think there's more to it, since it's not the first time we had this and because, when I talk about something that's going on in my life, they barely listen or pay attention to it.
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Old August 4th, 2014, 02:30 AM
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Re: Don't know how to deal with this situation with people I thought were friends

just let them know your sorry for the miscommunication, because that's all it really was. Also maybe that other girl called them about the specific details now you know you cannot depend on them for that, every group is different. Your a good friend for seeking advice it's obvious you care about them. So just continue being caring and care a little more about the details.
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Old August 4th, 2014, 04:11 AM
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Re: Don't know how to deal with this situation with people I thought were friends

Quick update: I talked to two of them on fb this morning. Asked them how it was ans that I was sorry I missed it. That I thought they'd let me know when to meet them there. They thought I'd let them know when I'd be there. So it's just a misunderstanding. One of the two reacted ok, ignored what I said after my apology (but what's new) and the second one hasn't replied yet.
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Old August 4th, 2014, 05:38 AM
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Re: Don't know how to deal with this situation with people I thought were friends

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Quick update: I talked to two of them on fb this morning. Asked them how it was ans that I was sorry I missed it. That I thought they'd let me know when to meet them there. They thought I'd let them know when I'd be there. So it's just a misunderstanding. One of the two reacted ok, ignored what I said after my apology (but what's new) and the second one hasn't replied yet.
I apologized again in a group conversation on facebook because one of them mentioned what a great night it was. They just ignored what I said and talked about the party...great :/
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Old August 4th, 2014, 10:47 AM
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Re: Don't know how to deal with this situation with people I thought were friends

- All good now, time to move on to the next exciting thing you do with them? Although next time you know you have to be the communication driver.
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