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  #1  
Old February 13th, 2011, 11:32 AM
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help

Hi all

Some sound advice beening giving out here and i am in need of some of it myself. I've been in a reletionship for around 4 yrs and we've had our ups and downs. Now she is dropping subtle hints about marriage and i dont know what to do.

It was only a few months ago we were discussing breaking up, we both have had trust issues with each other. We stayed together and its been good but am not sure am ready for marriage. Maybe in 12-18 months i'd be ready or maybe i am already but am just to scared.

I can see myself getting married to her someday and dont want to lose her but if i get married now when i dont feel ready will it work out? She already said she wont wait forever so its like a ticking timebomb!

Any sound advice please?
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  #2  
Old February 13th, 2011, 11:39 AM
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Re: help

Four years is a long time for a relationship if you aren't sure about marriage. That said, I dated my DH for 6 years before marrying, so I know it's sometimes just a question of being able to "decide".

A couple of questions for you: How old are the two of you? Where/how did you meet?
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Old February 13th, 2011, 01:02 PM
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Re: help

Quote:
I can see myself getting married to her someday and dont want to lose her but if i get married now when i dont feel ready will it work out?
This question demonstrates how very wise and mature your are!

You can see yourself married to her, so you are not leading her on. You also know you are not ready yet, you still have things you have to work out. Yes, if you have major issues like trust that are when you get married, it will make the marriage more difficult and maybe cause it to fail.

Don't let her force you to marry before you are ready. Enter into pre-marital counseling with a marriage counselor or spiritual leader. That will help you address some of your issues such as trust, child rearing, inlaws, money management, conflict resolution, etc. This will help you get ready and will definitely help your marriage to succeed in the long run.
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Old February 16th, 2011, 12:11 AM
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Re: help

Thanks for the replys so far!

I am 28 and she is the same age. We met in a bar, i offered to buy her a drink and things went from there.

She is an amazing person but since her friends have been getting engaged and married she is now wanting the same.I can understand why but this doesnt mean am ready. I dont want to lose her and then regret that i didntask later in life but also dont want to get married when am not ready for it.
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Old February 16th, 2011, 07:29 AM
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Re: help

If it helps, I think you've got the right idea. I wish she was on the same page as you. (No help, I know...)
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Old February 17th, 2011, 12:08 AM
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Re: help

Thanks KayKay and Lucy for the replies. Its good to have someones outlook on this.

Maybe i should ask another question andsee what answers i recieve. How do you know you are ready for marriage, kids and all they bring?

Thanks
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Old February 17th, 2011, 04:11 AM
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Re: help

How do you know? I don't know. When I got married, I wasn't sure I was ready to be married. I did know that my husband was the best man I would ever meet. We were pretty compatible on all the big topics (finances, child rearing, religion). We had fun together.

I had nothing more pressing to do because I had changed my mind about law school. I was dreaming of grad school, but it was just a dream. I wasn't interested in partying with my friends anymore. Sounds terrible, doesn't it? But I had done what I wanted to do as a single person.

Are there still things you want to do as a single person?
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Old February 17th, 2011, 01:44 PM
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Re: help



advice I give people... both people should let the other person see a copy of thier credit reports


I've met too many people who found out after they married that the other poeson had $$ problems due to being irresponsible


-and fights about $$$ is a big cause of marriage failures
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Old February 17th, 2011, 02:17 PM
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Re: help

Quote:
Originally Posted by newbie View Post
How do you know you are ready for marriage, kids and all they bring?
For me it was when I finally met a guy who made me think all of the above was something I couldn't wait to do.
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Old February 22nd, 2011, 01:10 PM
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Re: help

Thanks all

I still like to go out and party with my friends and have fun with them. I guess maybe this counts towards things i still lke to do as a single male. I also sometimes think it would be good to go travelling before i settle down.
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