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Old December 26th, 2012, 07:58 PM
kat9937 kat9937 is offline
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Christmas Gifts & Friendship: AWKWARD situation: Advice Apreciated!

So...I have known this girl for a few months...we have only hung out 4 times. Before Christmas, I went to her house for dinner...

I was thinking "should I get a gift or what?" ... because I hate when its awkward when one person gives a gift and the other person doesn't. (awkward for the person who doesn't...ESPECIALLY such a NEW friendship)...But I figured, well I will bring a bottle of wine and some chocolates...and also some other liquor (not considered a "gift" as it was for the evening)

It is not a matter of money at all...it was purely a matter of not wanting her to feel bad because I honestly didn't think she would buy me anything. She ends up giving me a package just before I left and said wait for Christmas to open it. So I did...and it was these $98 pants I liked!

I ended up sending her an email gift certificate on Christmas Day...so then it totally looks like I just sent it cause she gave me a gift..which was true...but anyways...she sent me an email saying she can't accept it cause then it cancels out her gift.
I could see if this was sent December 28th...but it was CHRISTMAS DAY!

I kind of feel offended that she won't accept my gift...but even more offended that she said that her gift would be voided out if she actually accepted my gift, almost like a power struggle. I seriously think that is so rude. Its the same as saying that unless I gave her a gift at the exact same time, she can't accept it.

When I do email gift cards, I obviously don't send them weeks in advance...that looks like I am trying to ensure I get a gift and its not my style. If its Christmas, you email it on Christmas...same with a birthday. That is the beauty of an email gift card...you can email it the exact day...especially when you are away on holidays.

To top it off, when it was emailed to her, I never heard from her...so I worried it just went to her junk (like something like that easily could)...so I sent her the attachment on facebook. She did receive it, but didn't even acknowledge it.

She has now emailed and said to just give it to my mom for Mother's Day. Really??
Now we are supposed to go out for New Years Eve and I really feel so uncomfortable...I don't even feel like going and we have all these plans.

It would be great to get some outside input

Last edited by kat9937; December 26th, 2012 at 08:39 PM.
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Old December 26th, 2012, 08:07 PM
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KayKay KayKay is offline
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Re: Christmas Gifts & Friendship: AWKWARD situation: Advice Apreciated!

Any chance the $98 pants were pants that she had bought herself (or someone else if they were wrapped), but gave to you out of embarrassment that you showed up at her house with gifts?
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Old December 26th, 2012, 08:22 PM
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LucyVanPelt LucyVanPelt is offline
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Re: Christmas Gifts & Friendship: AWKWARD situation: Advice Apreciated!

Giving and receiving gifts with grace is hard work!

You gave a gift and your friend reciprocated when it was not necessary. Now you've given another gift and she doesn't want to accept it. Perhaps it is too much too soon?

She is rude for not acknowledging the gift immediately and for not accepting it. However, it is also rude to point out someone else's rudeness. If she has refused the gift, thank her for her honesty and use it yourself (regifting would also be rude in this case).

The point is to make her feel comfortable and your generosity has clearly made her uncomfortable. Set aside your own discomfort at having your gift rejected; she didn't reject you, just the gift-- and see how the evening goes.

Happy New Year and may your generosity always be returned to you the right way!
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Old December 26th, 2012, 08:36 PM
kat9937 kat9937 is offline
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Re: Christmas Gifts & Friendship: AWKWARD situation: Advice Apreciated!

@KayKay...the stuff I brought over wasn't a "gift" ... she was making an expensive crab dinner and I brought the alcohol/treats...This is nothing out of the ordinary, as I would never go to someone elses place without bringing something...and I was consuming it too...so this wasn't the case.

The thing is though, when we saw those pants in the store, I said I liked them...and she tried them on and then bought them.

The funny thing in all this is that I actually almost think she decided she didn't want them afterall due to fit or whatever and couldn't return them, so gave them to me. (Just a hunch because who really gets $98 pants for someone they have seen 4 times?)

And it wasn't given out of embarrassment...she had it thoroughly wrapped before I got there.
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Old December 26th, 2012, 08:46 PM
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Re: Christmas Gifts & Friendship: AWKWARD situation: Advice Apreciated!

Very difficult situation. Sounds like you have to make a choice. - Do you push on with this friendship (which sounds like it might be high maintenance/hard work)? Or do you go to New Years, and then let things slide and cool off (which may bring further guilt and recriminations)?

Pros and cons of both list required. -Good luck.
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Old December 27th, 2012, 05:06 AM
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Re: Christmas Gifts & Friendship: AWKWARD situation: Advice Apreciated!

Hmmm... I wouldn't mind having a Roland HP307 Digital Piano... Anybody??? Oh wait! This thread is about someone else accepting a gift... Silly me.

On a serious note. A gift is a gift is a gift. People give gifts because they WANT to. Not because they feel they have to.

Quote:
I kind of feel offended that she won't accept my gift...but even more offended that she said that her gift would be voided out if she actually accepted my gift, almost like a power struggle. I seriously think that is so rude. Its the same as saying that unless I gave her a gift at the exact same time, she can't accept it.
Don't be offended. She got you a gift because she wanted to. You got her a gift in return because you felt you had to. Tell her thank you and move on. If you really want to get her a gift... give it a little time and wait for some kind of special ocassion.
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