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Old July 17th, 2017, 12:19 AM
lilly210 lilly210 is offline
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Still in love?

Hello everyone-
My husband and I have been married for 5 years and together 7 years. Our marriage has been really rocky. Lately, I haven't been happy. I remember last year, I ask my husband to do date nights and try different things out. Go out to our adventures like we use too. I would put in effort to make things better. After repeated being shot down, I started to give up. My husband doesn't really put in effort towards a lot of things and this includes his career, which we spoke about multiple times. He's a great man and loyal. He's been wanting a child. I more apprehensive about it because I feel like I already have a child at home, why bring in another. Then I struggle with knowing my biological clock is ticking and I need to start now! But, there's a part of me that's hesitant. I told him I need him to step up to the plate. Just seems like nothing gets through to him and he just does whatever he feels like. Minimal effort. I'm tired of it. I've told him in the past and there's no change or he doesn't take me seriously. Now, I'm faced with my own feelings of, do I still love him? Or do I just love him like a family member? I care for him of course. But, I don't find him attractive anymore. Majority of what he says, it's relevant or does not interest me. We don't really have common hobbies or like the same thing. I've talked to him about marriage counselors and we can't even effort that right now.
I'm afraid I felt out of love with him. Even the small things he does for me around the time he wants sex doesn't do it for me anymore. Majority of the time, I do feel alone. He checks out when he comes home from work. We tried dating recently and it's not consistent and partially my fault as well. I would've jumped all over it last year, but something just changed.
I even have dreams about my ex-boyfriend that I had many years ago. I don't have feelings for the guy, but I feel really bad at the fact I have those dreams because I don't want them!
I'm concerned that I'm not in love with him anymore. I don't hate him or anything but I do find my comfort with my family such as, mom, dad and siblings but not with him anymore. He's been noticing things are off with me. I'm holding back on saying anything because I don't want to hurt him and say something I'll regret.
Please help....
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Old July 17th, 2017, 01:40 AM
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lovegd lovegd is offline
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Re: Still in love?

Quote:
Originally Posted by lilly210 View Post
Hello everyone-
My husband and I have been married for 5 years and together 7 years. Our marriage has been really rocky. Lately, I haven't been happy. I remember last year, I ask my husband to do date nights and try different things out. Go out to our adventures like we use too. I would put in effort to make things better. After repeated being shot down, I started to give up. My husband doesn't really put in effort towards a lot of things and this includes his career, which we spoke about multiple times. He's a great man and loyal. He's been wanting a child. I more apprehensive about it because I feel like I already have a child at home, why bring in another. Then I struggle with knowing my biological clock is ticking and I need to start now! But, there's a part of me that's hesitant. I told him I need him to step up to the plate. Just seems like nothing gets through to him and he just does whatever he feels like. Minimal effort. I'm tired of it. I've told him in the past and there's no change or he doesn't take me seriously. Now, I'm faced with my own feelings of, do I still love him? Or do I just love him like a family member? I care for him of course. But, I don't find him attractive anymore. Majority of what he says, it's relevant or does not interest me. We don't really have common hobbies or like the same thing. I've talked to him about marriage counselors and we can't even effort that right now.
I'm afraid I felt out of love with him. Even the small things he does for me around the time he wants sex doesn't do it for me anymore. Majority of the time, I do feel alone. He checks out when he comes home from work. We tried dating recently and it's not consistent and partially my fault as well. I would've jumped all over it last year, but something just changed.
I even have dreams about my ex-boyfriend that I had many years ago. I don't have feelings for the guy, but I feel really bad at the fact I have those dreams because I don't want them!
I'm concerned that I'm not in love with him anymore. I don't hate him or anything but I do find my comfort with my family such as, mom, dad and siblings but not with him anymore. He's been noticing things are off with me. I'm holding back on saying anything because I don't want to hurt him and say something I'll regret.
Please help....
maybe you're experiencing an emotional burnout issue ?Why not travel together to get back those great memories? Good luck to you!
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Old July 17th, 2017, 03:57 AM
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LucyVanPelt LucyVanPelt is offline
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Re: Still in love?

Quote:
Originally Posted by lilly210 View Post
Now, I'm faced with my own feelings of, do I still love him? Or do I just love him like a family member?
The "romantic, sexy, fun" stuff comes and goes, but that's not what makes a good marriage. This is long term relationship--12 years already. In 50 more, when your body is fat, frumpy and wrinkly, and he's lost his hair on his head but is growing it in his ears, you may not find either of you sexy and be "in love." But will you still love each other like family? Because that IS what you are.

You are checking out emotionally, perhaps he has already, too. You do need to reconnect.

If he he will not go to counseling, you should to anyway. If you want to start on something by yourself, I suggest a book called Divorce Busting. You don't want to throw away a marriage because you're not "in love."

You might find this article helpful: http://divorcebusting.com/a_walkaway_wife.htm
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