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Old September 12th, 2016, 03:11 PM
adams701 adams701 is offline
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Unhappy Should I apologise to her?

So before I get to the point and the reason I decided to write here, I'll try to explain the background of everyone and everything that is included. (English is not my native tongue.) A week ago, I went on a vacation with two of my friends and my cousin. She is two years older than me. During the vacation everyone of us had a great time, we really enjoyed it and had amazing fun. Of course there was one or two times when I got into a stupid argument with her (my cousin). If I think about it, reasons of those arguments were and are an absolute nonsense. Both of us got angry at each other and didn't talk for few hours. The second time it lasted more than one day. After when I realised that it's stupid to be negative and stubborn now, when we were on a holiday, so I always „broke the silence“ and kind of got back together with her. (Sorry, I can't find better words for it). She was as stubborn as me but was a really good sport when I started talking to her again.

The vacation was ending and we were at the café at the airport waiting for our flight. I had to buy some presents for my family so I left my cousin with the others. I quickly bought some stuff and came back tired. (It was 4 am, we hadn't had any sleep, and had hangover from the last evening) After the soon return to our country, a ride would be waiting for us to drive us from the airport to home. Jokingly, I repeat, jokingly I mentioned that we could take a train (in our country, students have it for free, so theoretically we would save quite some money) but of course I wasn't serious. The ride was already arranged and it couldn't be called off AND I also wouldn't want it to be called off. I just simply made (probably a stupid) joke. However, my cousin didn't take it as I planned it. It was the first time (and we've been together since we were little kids) she looked at me the way I felt horrible about myself. She also started loudly criticising my behaviour, how I'm irresponsible person and etc. I said I didn't mean it like that but she didn't care. I had mixed feelings and didn't know what to do. Later, in the plane, I tried to talk to her but she gave me just one-word answers.

Now, it's been 5 days since our return to home. Firstly, she didn't call, then she wrote me if she could visit me but I didn't reply as I had no clue what to expect or to do once she would be at my door. (If she would be behaving as nothing happened, I would probably turn into Satan on the Earth.)

We are both students studying in the same city (different schools), we live in the seperate apartments not too far away from each other. We both left our parents with the agreement to take care of ourselves and help each other as a family. I feel like she knows she might have taken it too far and I don't have problem to admit that I should have reconsidered my words and actions.

My question for the community here is, should I just „accept the destiny“, be the big brother and apologise (of course with no expectations of her apologising too) or should I keep waiting for her to do the first step (and by the first step I don't mean request on Facebook to play Candy Crush together) ? I once again feel that I start to miss her. Eventhough I'm younger, I've always been protecting her and taking her as a little sister no matter how bad and f- up things were between us...

Thank you for your time reading this, and I'll gladly read every one of your opinions from you. Hope you have a great day!
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Old September 12th, 2016, 04:42 PM
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KayKay KayKay is offline
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Re: Should I apologise to her?

I don't know that she is expecting an apology from you. I think the first step is to agree to see her and figure out what her intentions are.

If you were tired and she was tired, it might be a good idea to act as though nothing happened. Just as you made a senseless joke about the ride, she reacted oddly. It happens, especially when lack of sleep is involved.
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Old September 13th, 2016, 02:14 AM
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Annsdil Annsdil is offline
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Re: Should I apologise to her?

The problem with one party waiting to make the first move is that the other party is doing exactly the same thing and so no one makes the first move.

If you want your relationship to be ok, then just contact her and ask her to meet up for a coffee. If she starts to discuss the holiday then you can decide whether an apology is necessary from there.
There’s one major problem with giving grandparents legal access to their grandchildren. People who inflicted verbal, physical and sexual abuse on their children are then given access to inflict trauma on yet another generation. ~ Wayne and Tamara
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apology, argument, cousin, family, vacation

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