My mum is obsessed with all my ex boyfriends!?

[minniemouse99]

Hi,

Just wondering if anyone else has had a similar issue or if a parent of an 'adult child' can shed some light on this issue for me?

I have known my fiance for nearly two years and we got engaged last June. I'm over the moon of course but my mum is not. She doesn't like him because I started dating him while I was living in New York and we'll move back there after we get married.

But ever since I started dating him - even during the early stages of the relationship - she has become obsessed with all my ex boyfriends.

It's so weird because when I was going out with them she never cared for them or tried to have a relationship with them but now it's like she goes out of her way to bump into them. She even tried to force me to 'make up' with one of my ex's who was a particularly nasty piece of work. (borderline abusive behavior) I thought this had all stopped but then today she took my sister shopping and she took her into the shop where one ex boyfriend works and she doesn't even like the clothes in that store. She just mentioned off hand that he gave her a 10% discount. And "isn't he so nice, he's changed, you'd like him"

I don't know why she does this, and I don't know why she doesn't find it weird!!! It's really upsetting me but last time I said something to her she made out that I am only upset because I'm not really over them and I need to make amends and shouldn't be in a relationship. It's so hurtful because I am finally in a good place where I'm not obsessed with my relationship and I really love my fiance and he respects me. I am 100% confident in him and I know that he will be a good marriage partner. It's so upsetting that my mum's not on board.

[KayKay]

Wow. That's really bizarre. I mean, it'd be one thing if she adored them while you were dating them, were upset when you broke it off with them, and kept in touch with them. But to dislike them while you're dating them and then do an about face like that? That is weird.

The good news is that you are happy where you are and she's not causing you to doubt yourself. I think she'll eventually come around. How does your fiancé feel about it?

[BlueBlueEyes]

My grandmother is this way. She may take a liking to a familymembers ex-partner no matter what they did (even if they were cheating or were abusive etc). And will constantly drag them up and remind the person of that time and say to others in the family that the person would have been better off with the ex. But she is a narcissist so I don't know, perhaps it is related to her NPD. Fortunately she doesn't have the means of getting in touch with any exes.

[Mochadelicious]

My best guess for your moms behavior is she fears losing you to him. You mentioned that you plan on moving back to New York and I'm guessing that is not where your mom currently lives? Perhaps she feels threatened with him because you're actually engaged and in a serious commitment, whereas with the other boys it was less serious.

It's hard for moms to let go of their children and let live their own lives as adults. Moms do so much for their kids growing up and we want to protect them from harm. It's very tough to just turn that off once our children turn into adults.

Maybe sit down with your mom and try to see what's reallly bothering her. Is it your fiancé she doesn't really like or just the situation of you getting married and moving away?