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  #31  
Old October 31st, 2009, 05:05 PM
Seeking Sensibility Seeking Sensibility is offline
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Re: New Thread for Seeking Sensibility

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Originally Posted by LadyLove View Post
Did you read this entire thread? I definitely sensed some sarcasm but it was done tastefully. No harm done. They are just voicing their opinions in unique ways.
Actually, there could be harm done if Creme interprets my words as you do. However, I feel confident that she won't.

ďIf you look for the bad in people expecting to find it, you surely will.Ē Abraham Lincoln

By the way, how could one ever tastefully mock another person's illness?

That's just mean.
  #32  
Old October 31st, 2009, 11:00 PM
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Re: New Thread for Seeking Sensibility

LL, I cannot connect to you. I have mil issues, but I feel that they would be most resolved if ONLY my mil's true intentions were revealed. My greatest wish is to have my mil exposed. You, on the other hand,have a mil that is quite explicitly awful - she's all out there and true to herself. Still, you have a problem. Why? I don't know. We have obviously married two very, very different men.

My mil is secretive and extremely contriving. She is false and pretentious. If, and only if, she was a drunk, drug addict, with multiple tattoos, could I have made a more rational decision as to whether or not THIS was the family that I wanted to enter.

You're angry with me. I get it.
  #33  
Old November 1st, 2009, 04:43 AM
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Re: New Thread for Seeking Sensibility

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Actually, there could be harm done if Creme interprets my words as you do. However, I feel confident that she won't.

ďIf you look for the bad in people expecting to find it, you surely will.Ē Abraham Lincoln

By the way, how could one ever tastefully mock another person's illness?

That's just mean.
"I only hope that today is a good day" is the part where I found the sarcasm. If you, yourself, realize that you are mocking her MS then why would you post such a mean spirited comment? That makes no sense to me. You brought us her illness as a way to be mean toward her and that is distasteful on your part but I am not afraid to say that I found humor in that one line. I deal with jerks on a daily basis so I have learned to laugh at people like that.

This section of the site is strictly about in-laws so steer clear of talking about anything that doesn't relate. I doubt that Creme's MS has anything to do with her misunderstanding with her DIL. So, you shouldn't have brought it up. Creme stated that she may be forgetful because of her illness yet she wasn't using it as an excuse to empower herself over you. At least, I do not think that she was.

Sarcasm can be done tastefully. You are usually pretty nasty but you toned it down a couple of notches, I guess to show your "sensitivity".
  #34  
Old November 1st, 2009, 05:12 AM
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Re: New Thread for Seeking Sensibility

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LL, I cannot connect to you.
Likewise.

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Originally Posted by Seeking Sensibility View Post
I have mil issues, but I feel that they would be most resolved if ONLY my mil's true intentions were revealed. My greatest wish is to have my mil exposed. You, on the other hand,have a mil that is quite explicitly awful - she's all out there and true to herself. Still, you have a problem. Why? I don't know.
YOU ARE VERY WRONG. I do not see how having an addiction issue can make a person true to themselves. Underneath all of that drinking and drug use is a person that has never exposed themselves to the world. My MIL is clearly unhappy with herself and she is using harmful substances to mask the true person that she is. I wish that I would have met her when she wasn't an abuser. It would be nice to engage in a conversation that she wouldn't forget. It would be nice if she knew why she was so angry with everyone around her. My MIL wants to point the blame on others but the truth is that she is the one who is at fault.

You don't get it and I certainly wouldn't expect you to get it.


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We have obviously married two very, very different men.
Unless you were raised a polygamist then yes, most people in this country marry one person. So, yes, we obviously have married different men.

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Originally Posted by Seeking Sensibility View Post
My mil is secretive and extremely contriving. She is false and pretentious. If, and only if, she was a drunk, drug addict, with multiple tattoos, could I have made a more rational decision as to whether or not THIS was the family that I wanted to enter.
I did not meet my MIL until after I was engaged. With work and school, I focused on those priorities plus my relationship with my husband. It was important to me that we build a solid relationship before involving family. There was no sense in meeting relatives unless we were serious about eachother. WE took our time and it was only when things fell into place is when I met her. She wasn't very nice (in the sense that she wasn't friendly) but that wouldn't stop me from marrying the love of my life. (She was never drunk when I was around BUT I noticed that she liked spending her time at the bar more than anywhere else. At the time, I didn't necessarily link the two together but I was young and in love. My mind was thinking about other things that were more important to me).

My husband was never open about her issues. I feel that he is embarassed and ashamed and its very difficult to talk about. Thats probably why he had never confronted me about the issue. I think that if he would have warned me in some way then it would have been easier to handle but he was protective of not huring anyones feelings. I would have been better prepared had he sat me down to discuss this but he did not do that. Oh well.


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You're angry with me. I get it.
Who said that I was angry with you?

Your thoughts and opinions used to matter to me but now that I see you are only posting to stir up the forum, I am less interested in how you feel. I am here to participate in an educated (and MATURE) discussion about in-law issues.

I do not understand why you are so hostile with certain members on the forum but I am rather flattered to be your latest target. I can see why you and your MIL dont get along. It is okay to not be able to relate but it is not okay to pick a fight for your own amusement. I feel that you continuously stir the pot as a way to get a rise out of people.

I cannot wait to read your unpleasant reply to this post. Looking forward to it.
  #35  
Old November 1st, 2009, 05:19 AM
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Re: New Thread for Seeking Sensibility

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Actually, there could be harm done if Creme interprets my words as you do. However, I feel confident that she won't.
No, I believe that you were trying to get a rise out of her. I do not believe that you were being considerate of her feelings when you posted that remark. I am surprised that the forum monitors allows that comment to stay there since it is offensive to members suffering with MS.

Maybe you weren't having a good day at the time of the post.


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Originally Posted by Seeking Sensibility View Post
ďIf you look for the bad in people expecting to find it, you surely will.Ē Abraham Lincoln
We do not have to look for it. You willingly show us your bad side. Bravo.
  #36  
Old November 1st, 2009, 07:16 AM
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Re: New Thread for Seeking Sensibility

Lady Love

In writing on another forum...I've so been misunderstood...I believe part of the problem is, I'm not liked very much there...and I've been told I write power words, which the young ladies always seem to misunderstand my intentions and most of the time, take my posts as insults/condiscentions and like I'm writing about them, or attacking them.
I swear I'm not...what I'm trying to do is share stories about people I know, but, they always seem to be offended no matter what I write. I suppose it comes from me writing poetry...and using power words, I dunno? ...and maybe it's just me, who I am....and how I write, which I cannot change at this point in my life...and I do try...but almost every time I write, they see me attacking them for some reason...they take what I'm writing as a personal attack against their marriages/lifestyles..and they are the furtherest from my mind when I'm writing. But, unfortunately, what I write, seems to be seen in the only way they can see me, and that is, as a MIL...or a person who is not on their side.

My point is...I don't know Seeking Sensiblity very well...and I've found her to be willing to talk, a bit sarcastic, yes...but perhaps that's how she expresses herself...and it's not me she's attacking.

To be honest, when I read her replys to me, I didn't take offense, but thought she was being kind...

However...as I said, I don't know her well, therefore, I choose to hope she meant it with good intentions.

Lady Love, I do so appreciate you being so protective of me, that is very kind of you and proves one thing, you are loyal even to a stranger and you hate to see an under dog being picked on. That to me speaks volumns. Thank you and big hugs...

I'm very very sorry this happened in this thread and ask you both to forget it, and lets move on.


Seeking Sensiblity
As far as my problem with my DIL......I thank you for coming back and responding...I don't know if you were trying to get a negative rise out of me or not...only you know that...I really hope you were not.

At this point in time...it's a good day...meaning, since she sent back that card, well, it was quit hurtful and depressing, b/c to me it spoke volumns, and started this whole thing over again, when someone responds like that, it can't be taken in a good way...it was the first time she ever did that...which again, speaks volumns to me of how she prefers things to be. I have tried and tried to make amends, only to be rejected by her over and over again...each and every time I visited, or..when they came to visit me. Maybe she knows I found out she was thowing stuff away that I was sending my GD..personally, I believe deep down, she's embarrassed at her bahavior, and she knows I know, where she's coming from. I think she sabotaged our relationship for two reasons...

1. She didn't want to share her husband's attention with me...she feared his love for me.

2. she may have feared I wouldn't like her b/c she has so little confidence in herself, therefore, she rejected me before I could reject her...

You say, I need to forget her upbringing...I can't. The way we are bought up to believe are the people we grow into as adults. And I believe my DIL, was so hurt by so many people, it's difficult for her to trust anyone...and when she finally met my son...I believe that was the very first time, she was loved in return. Not to mention...her mother abandoning those children, is not a small thing...I cannot imagine, how horrible those kids felt, how they must have thought she left b/c of them, b/c of something they did.

And that is the reason, I can understand my DIL's actions and feelings for me...perhaps in my mind, it excuses her actions...just like my son enables her and makes excuses in his own mind for her actions. Also, in the beginning when this all started, it was very difficult not to hate her...I really had to work at it...it was the hardest thing I've ever done in my life...now, I feel no dislike for her at all...what I do feel for her is sorry...sorry that she doesn't trust herself enough to understand how much my son does love her that she fears sharing him and her daughter with me...she fears, they will love me more...and they don't and never will, but, I really think, and I could be wrong, that you cannot give or understand something you have never known, and she was never really shown she was loved...while growing up. So, how can she understand, a bond between mother and son?

Remember, I had an over interferring MIL...which taught me a lot...and vowed, I would never be that way to my DIL someday, so, actually and honestly, I backed off from interferring a great deal.

I remember she yelled at me, about..."You send emails to my house?" Yes, I was sending emails to my son and her, to let her know that I wasn't angry...to let her know, I wasn't leaving her out...or trying to push her out...but even that backfired.

I've explained the situation to my son, which is where I believe I made a mistake, big mistake, as I said, I should have simply kept my mouth shut and bit the bullet...but, I didn't. The first time she treated me like that I was horrified, is the only word I can find...and reacted by clamming up and not talking much...I was shaking inside and out...didn't know what the heck was going on.

Without going into any more detail...while I appreciate your suggestions..and you trying to help me find answers...there are none.

My counselor told me, as long as she refuses to stay quiet and not discuss it with me, there is no hope for any kind of reconcilliation. While I do have contact with my son, and when he is home, he has my Grand daugther call me...I have to take what I can get at this point.

I was venting, and feeling very sad...as I said before, I see so many DIL's who love their MIL's and get along well together, it hurts....and whenever something happens, like the returning of the card, it sets me back, I become hurt, confused and angry as I believe anyone would. It's like pouring salt on the wound.

So, thank God for these forums, b/c I don't like to discuss it with my friends...and co-workers...I don't want them to know how hurt I am, so when they ask, I just tell them....it's just something that will never change. One of my co-workers, a woman, who is my DIL's age, and I are very close....and she really gets angry with my DIL, and my son. She cannot understand, why when I'm not involved in their lives very much at all, he didn't put his foot down in the very beginning and tell her..."When I'm home I'm going to go visit my mom, if you want to come along, fine, if you don't fine...but I will not allow my mom's and your indifferences to put ME in the middle. I need to have a relationship with her...I love you both...but both of you have to stop...forgive and forget and move forward...so, the choice is yours....your welcome and my mom always says, the door is never closed to you. But this is painful, ridiculous and harmful to all of our lives...and I won't stand for it...your both wrong!!!"

When I'm writing on here or any other forum, I'm releasing, thinking out loud so to speak, and it does help.

I don't hate my DIL or ever wish her any bad...I just wish, she'd stop being so angry...and react as if I'm a really bad person. But she won't, cause if she did, it would mean, that she'd have to have me around once in a while, or come visit me. She doesn't want that, she doesn't want me in their lives...it's very clear...she's been telling me that for 13 years....and I have no more desire to go round and round with this...if she would ever decide she wants things differently, then all will be fine with me...but until then...it is what it is...and I do believe she knows that about me...I can't hate or hold a grudge of anger...never could.

Please understand, I am not looking for validation for my feelings, and there are no answers to this, this cannot be fixed, unless the two people involved get it together...and listen to each other...and I mean, listen...like someone commented to me before.

Also, please note, more then anything else...unless you are there, and really see what is going on, you don't and never will understand...so please don't view me as a MIL, but as a human being who would very much like to resolve a relationship with another human being.

Thanks so very much for taking the time to read and reply to my ramblings...

Creme
  #37  
Old November 1st, 2009, 08:15 AM
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Re: New Thread for Seeking Sensibility

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Originally Posted by LadyLove View Post
Did you read this entire thread? I definitely sensed some sarcasm but it was done tastefully. No harm done. They are just voicing their opinions in unique ways.
Yes, I did read the entire thread. I did not take SS's remark about Creme's MS as sarcasm at all. Again, my perspective.

Interesting how people can read the same thing and interpret it different ways.
  #38  
Old November 1st, 2009, 10:08 AM
Seeking Sensibility Seeking Sensibility is offline
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Re: New Thread for Seeking Sensibility

Creme and I have been engaging a candid, open conversation about our in-law issues. Have I been sarcastic at times? I suppose I have in the context of the conversation. We may have some opposing viewpoints but that does not mean that I canít genuinely wish her well.

Creme told me that she has MS and it has presented problems for her. It would have been rude and insensitive of me not to acknowledge that fact. I meant what I said with all sincerity.

Itís beyond me why I would have to defend that statement. Itís ridiculous and itís exhausting. LL has successfully changed the tone of this thread for me. Iím going to refrain from saying more, at this time, because I donít know how to LL-proof my words.
  #39  
Old November 1st, 2009, 10:45 AM
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Re: New Thread for Seeking Sensibility

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Originally Posted by Seeking Sensibility View Post
Creme and I have been engaging a candid, open conversation about our in-law issues. Have I been sarcastic at times? I suppose I have in the context of the conversation. We may have some opposing viewpoints but that does not mean that I canít genuinely wish her well.

Creme told me that she has MS and it has presented problems for her. It would have been rude and insensitive of me not to acknowledge that fact. I meant what I said with all sincerity.

Itís beyond me why I would have to defend that statement. Itís ridiculous and itís exhausting. LL has successfully changed the tone of this thread for me. Iím going to refrain from saying more, at this time, because I donít know how to LL-proof my words.
Thank you

I hope you don't refrain from writing...I believe we can all learn some things together about ourselves and our relationships if we can just be patient with each other and remember...everyone is different, we can't all think alike, and even though you may disagree with me, I know that isn't an attack against my character...

thanks again for your time and feedback...
  #40  
Old November 1st, 2009, 11:27 AM
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Re: New Thread for Seeking Sensibility

Moderator hat: I believe that we are going off course now and need to steer the conversation back. This is not a reprimand but a reminder.

Hat off: I do not see SS comment as sarcasm either. I have known people with MS before and one of the biggest challenges with it is there ARE good days and bad days. Sometimes the person strong and healthy and others they feel weak and tired, with no rhyme or reason. For anyone that knows someone with MS, "I hope this is a good day" is a very common thought, as there are so many bad days too.
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