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Old April 26th, 2014, 09:21 AM
DefineGravity DefineGravity is offline
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Exclamation Problems with my Dad and Step-Mom

Okay, I live with my Dad, Step-mom and my two step sisters in Africa since September last year, prior to that time, I lived with my Mom for 12 and a half years (I'm 13 now) in Ireland and all that. I school here and education is going great. Everything is great except for my Dad and Step-mom.
Now, I love my Dad, he is the best person to me and I wouldn't trade him for the Universe, a great person and some I look up to. We try to spend as much time we can with each other for those times we weren't together. He has a wife they married about 5 years ago, when I first met her she was really nice, bought me gifts, brought me to places (I was 8 then) and was glad Dad married such a beautiful Woman.
When I first saw her, in September last year, (I hadnt seen her in 2 years) I'd expect a hug, or ask questions to how I am doing or something, but she just said Hi. and that's it, and she blames me for everything I do, a month ago, my AC in my room broke so my Dad said I should sleep in the guest room, I was on my way there and she said that I should sleep downstairs where there is no AC and filled with mosquitoes and said that I don’t ‘deserve’ to sleep in the Guest room, my Dad got angry and slapped her.
Last week she told me she'd beat me, send me back to Ireland, that she's the Woman of the house, She'd kill me, and just because my Dad is here doesn't mean she can't 'wooze' me, all because I dropped a plate.

And what I don't get is that everybody is blaming me and that I should apologize to her, and because my Dads side of the family is big on respect and since she's older than me I have to respect her and apologixe, which, to me in incredibly stupid.

My dad is starting to hard drink, he is a mess, he hasn’t shaved, he reeks of alcohol, my step-mom isn’t home and there is no food in the house, we barely have any money. Not to sound conceited or anything but my Grandpa is a bishop and works for the Government and My Dad is secretary to Federal Government, so we are kind of rich, but I don’t get spoiled though, It’s just when my that my Dad is off and on with his drinking and when he is in this state, we go poor. I’m lucky my mom sent me some money some months back and I have been saving it. It’s too obvious that the marriage between my Dad and Step-Mom is on a string, I never see them talk, never see them say y’know ‘I love you’ or any of that. They’re just too distant.

And my step mom knows that my Dad is drinking but she just stays in her room all day! Not doing anything!

I talked to my Dad last night saying he should just just lay it off the drinks for some time. I force him to drink water to flush out the alcohol and when I told my Mom she says that I’m too young to be this sad and to be doing this stuff. And is it safe to say I agree?

And some time ago, my Dad was on the phone to my StepMom and I over heard him saying and I quote:

"It is not rocket science that you don't like my daughter"

Of course I couldn't hear what she was saying but it made me realize that I'm not the only one.
My step-mom even got to the point where she locks the storage room (it contains food and since she is not here, it’s locked) and right now it’s locked. I even asked her why she locks the storage room and she just said that it’s her food, not yours. She hasn’t physically hurt me yet (I wouldn’t let her) but I know she wants to. All day I just stay in my room, pray and hope God will help me. I’ve been really depressed and I just want to come back home (Ireland) but I don’t want to leave my Dad. (Oh God, I’m crying) I feel like I’m annoying my Mom because I’m acting like she’s my diary. If you want, I can screenshot some messages between my Mom and I saying how it’s not fair and I should come back?

I miss my Mom and everyone else back home, I want to go back but I just don't want to make him sad!

Even last night my Mom said that I have to be selfish for once and stop thinking about everyone else and If I'm happy where I am. And I just don't know!

Can someone please Help me?

Last edited by DefineGravity; April 26th, 2014 at 09:24 AM. Reason: mistake
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Old April 26th, 2014, 12:26 PM
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Re: Problems with my Dad and Step-Mom

WOW, Harsh living conditions you are in right now. I will keep you in my prayers.

Well I don't think where you are living right now is very healthy for you. I know you love your dad but I think that going back to Ireland might be good for you. You could talk to your dad and tell him that you love him but you think it would be best if you went back. You can always go back and visit your dad.
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Old April 26th, 2014, 12:40 PM
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Re: Problems with my Dad and Step-Mom

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Originally Posted by Swiss140 View Post
WOW, Harsh living conditions you are in right now. I will keep you in my prayers.

Well I don't think where you are living right now is very healthy for you. I know you love your dad but I think that going back to Ireland might be good for you. You could talk to your dad and tell him that you love him but you think it would be best if you went back. You can always go back and visit your dad.
Well said.

In the mean time, is there a church or social group that hosts Al-Anon--Alcoholics Anonymous meetings for those living with someone who is an alcoholic? You aren't responsible for your dad's feelings or his behavior. That's called "co-dependency." You may find some support there to help you understand that.

Last thing-- if your step-mom is not letting you eat, then she is harming you physically. You need to go somewhere you will be safe from type of abuse.
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Old April 26th, 2014, 03:55 PM
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Re: Problems with my Dad and Step-Mom

Listen to your Mom.
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Old April 27th, 2014, 03:28 AM
DefineGravity DefineGravity is offline
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Re: Problems with my Dad and Step-Mom

Quote:
Originally Posted by Swiss140 View Post
WOW, Harsh living conditions you are in right now. I will keep you in my prayers.

Well I don't think where you are living right now is very healthy for you. I know you love your dad but I think that going back to Ireland might be good for you. You could talk to your dad and tell him that you love him but you think it would be best if you went back. You can always go back and visit your dad.
Yeah, I guess you're right. It's just that everybody thought it will be alright. Thanks for replying though. I'll see if I can talk to my Dad tonight then talk to my Mom
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Old April 27th, 2014, 03:33 AM
DefineGravity DefineGravity is offline
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Re: Problems with my Dad and Step-Mom

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Originally Posted by LucyVanPelt View Post
Well said.

In the mean time, is there a church or social group that hosts Al-Anon--Alcoholics Anonymous meetings for those living with someone who is an alcoholic? You aren't responsible for your dad's feelings or his behavior. That's called "co-dependency." You may find some support there to help you understand that.

Last thing-- if your step-mom is not letting you eat, then she is harming you physically. You need to go somewhere you will be safe from type of abuse.
I know we can go to Church, I don't know about those alcoholic support groups, I don't really know this country. . . There is always my Aunt who always helps my Dad when he's been drinking, he'll stay there for some time and when he comes back he's sober, working up and about and fine. But sadly, she's travelling and won't be back until June.

--Yeah, I think going back to Ireland to Mom is the best option. Thank you so much
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Old April 27th, 2014, 03:34 AM
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Re: Problems with my Dad and Step-Mom

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Originally Posted by KayKay View Post
Listen to your Mom.
Yeah, it's the best thing. And I miss her so much
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Old April 30th, 2014, 08:35 PM
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Re: Problems with my Dad and Step-Mom

Chiming in late - I'm another vote for going back and living with your mom, it doesn't sound safe for you at your dad's.


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Old August 9th, 2014, 02:45 PM
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Re: Problems with my Dad and Step-Mom

It sounds like there are some really serious problems in that home, and you can't fix them, the only ones who can are the adults....so, my suggestion would be to definately move back home....sorry to say, that sometimes we adults make bad choices....

Your young and you have the whole world at your fingertips, and it is not healthy for you to be living under those conditions....
Sending my best.....
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Old August 29th, 2014, 08:39 PM
FracturedBradyBunch FracturedBradyBunch is offline
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Re: Problems with my Dad and Step-Mom

I am a StepChild and a StepMother, I can look at things from different perspectives. From an outsider looking in a what you wrote....

It sounds like your Father's marriage is on the rocks, most probably from his drinking, and that your stepmother is very unhappy and taking out her lack of control of your Father's drinking on you.

In hindsight, if your Father is drinking heavily and the marriage is ending, they should never have asked/allowed you to move to such a different country far away from what you are familiar with and love.

Maybe your Father was hoping to use you as a buffer in his bad marriage? Hoping you could patch things up? Maybe your stepmother is so unhappy that she can not be bothered dealing with an extension of your Father, you?

Listen to your mumma and go back home to her. You have your whole life ahead of you and an unhappy teen life will mold your future self, take my word for it.
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