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Old December 17th, 2015, 06:12 AM
slr0031 slr0031 is offline
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Bugged by Christmas letter

Hello this is about some pretty petty stuff but I find myself struggling with it. It seems it is never easy this time of year with my emotions.

Step mother that I have told my dad I do not want relationship with sends a family Christmas letter and included me in it. I have not talked to or seen her besides briefly at a funeral in 3 years. In the letter she writes how my husband and I have moved and I continue to be "captain of the ship". I am a stay at home mom. She then goes on to brag about all the accomplishments of herself, she is a professor, and her other 3 adult kids who all have or are working toward a career. She signed it Grammie, even though none of her kids have children, just me. I have been emotional the last few days since reading this letter. I feel aggravated because I don't talk to anybody in the letter and don't feel they are my family and I am also bothered because reading it I felt bad about myself being the only one who doesn't have a job. I feel I do a lot but reading that it felt like it said I do nothing. My husband and I have moved 5 times and he was away the last 6 months before this last move. It just made me feel angry and sad because I feel so distant from my dad. This letter has been sent my dad's entire side of family.

I don't want to let this woman get to me. I honestly don't know if she was trying to be nice by including me or trying to get to me because she knows I want nothing to do with her. Based on past behavior it is a challenge for me to give her the benefit of the doubt. How can I not let something so stupid bother me like this?

There have been a couple other things also. I have communicated I don't want a relationship with her a few times now and my dad made a big deal when I called him a few days before Thanksgiving about him calling me on Thanksgiving and could we all talk he asks. I said sure but thought I don't want to talk to her. Then he never called on Thanksgiving and texted me later that he forgot his phone. He was at my grandmothers and I know that everybody there has my phone number in their phone. He also came up north to see my step brother and his wife who live 5 min away from my mom. I was at my mom's. I found out they were going there before Thanksgiving and he acted all surprised when I said I would be at my mom's. He left the day I arrived. Then when I was at my mom's she said the step brother was told by my step mom, dad's wife, that my mom and her husband were coming to our house. We live 8 hours away. I never said that. I can't prove it but feel she said that on purpose so that I wouldn't be able to see my dad.

I am used to all this crap happening but I am just feeling hurt and am venting. My dad had told me he would be at my grandmother's hours away and never mentioned he would be in my hometown. I feel I need support getting through holidays with my emotions running high.
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Old December 17th, 2015, 08:31 AM
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KayKay KayKay is offline
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Re: Bugged by Christmas letter

(((hugs)))

slr0031, I am so sorry for your hurt. I am glad that you are venting; I hope that helps to get it all out.

You already know that there's no solution. You can't change your dad, you can't have a good relationship with your step-mom. All you can do is what you're doing. It hurts though, especially during the holidays.

Be proud of yourself and your position as a SAHM. Whatever your step-mom's intent, believe that other people who got that letter saw right through it. They all know she doesn't have a relationship with you and your kids (she and your dad can only fake that so much) and signing the card Grammie just made her look like a fool.

I hope you can find the joy in the holiday season. Focus on your husband and kids and the life you have created with them.
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Old December 17th, 2015, 08:40 AM
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Re: Bugged by Christmas letter

Thank you KayKay. You are right. I can't let things like this get to me, they just don't matter and I have to stop being concerned about what others in the family think. I have a lot to be grateful for. Happy holidays to everybody.
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Old December 17th, 2015, 08:43 AM
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LucyVanPelt LucyVanPelt is offline
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Re: Bugged by Christmas letter

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Originally Posted by KayKay View Post
Be proud of yourself and your position as a SAHM. Whatever your step-mom's intent, believe that other people who got that letter saw right through it. They all know she doesn't have a relationship with you and your kids (she and your dad can only fake that so much) and signing the card Grammie just made her look like a fool.
Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes!

Be proud of the work you do. There is NOTHING more important than being a good mother to your children!

Your step-mother tried to "usurp" you and sent a fake letter. This is her way of remaining in contact even when you've asked for no contact. Like KayKay said, everyone there knows that she's lying. To herself or to them? It doesn't matter. Everyone knows those newsletters are crap anyway-- just watch the episode on The Middle about them! Might I suggest you go outside and burn a copy of that newsletter? You may also need to consider leaving your dad go. He and his wife are a pair; if you want to go no contact with her, you may have to go no contact with him. I'm sorry.

But right now, the best thing you can do is laugh knowing that your stepmother made an *** out of herself, and focus on your children and husband.
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Old December 17th, 2015, 11:25 AM
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Re: Bugged by Christmas letter

I feel sorry for your Dad. Hes got to put up with a blow hard dragon like that in his ear all the time lol. Dont feel bad about the letter,it was just a lot of twaddle anyway about nothing. Your step mother sounds like she continually rubs people up the wrong way anyway. You are right not to want a relationship with her. Shes making a complete fool of herself,just turn it around and have a laugh.

People can only annoy you if you let them......Last night my husband came home from work telling me my my old boss where he works said something about me,she asked how me and the kids were before going on our trip next week??.Hubby said we were fine.I was quite annoyed she had virtually insulted me to him on the spot by then saying "Oh your wife just worries/ panics about everything now doesnt she?" in a sarcastic tone, he said he didnt take offence and didnt answer her and just blew it off.Instead of just saying something nice,she chose to say that?.She also made comments other times to enquire what I am doing and about being a SAHM which is none of her business.I was so mad when I heard she had the cheek to say that. It was rude, negative and derogatory.
Shes an old bag who even sabotaged a job interview I had I found out later, even after firstly giving me a nice hand written reference,which I now dont use. I left the job abruptly 1. 5 yrs ago due to bullying and intimidation from another staff member shes thinks is so wonderful and I never told them the real reason for leaving,I just left in a nice way sighting medical reasons,I was scared of this girl and her mother who also works there with their gang affiliation actually,many people are,they are directly connected a local notorious gang here,with many family members involved. I was diplomatic due to my husband who has a good job there.The bully and her mother have driven other staff away and my old boss let them do it.I was so traumatised by these people and went through a lot after leaving. It took me a whole year to get over it all....I was also feeling guilty to stay home because I was getting comments along the lines of"oh you are so lucky to just be able to stay at home and oh only one person is earning the money now". People can be so rude about things that are nothing to do with them.

My whole point is,today Im just laughing instead of being angry at my old boss remembering shes a silly old fool who used to harp on that she was some big clothing designer for a very well known fashion lable in the 80s, how she had achieved so much more than others had all to have her cry tears to me about not coping at the helm of her company now,that she made a fool of herself to me actually,she did this daily, I had to endure her unprofessional personal problem rants all the time....random stuff nothing to do with the job or me?.I didnt deserve her negative comments yesterday to my hubby but shes not worth wasting my anger on and will always be that way being nasty about others,because thats who she is.She used to diss staff and customers in front of me frequently.Her comments about me are very reflective of her nasty ways.But yesterday's ones were really random and about nothing lol. My lasting memory is that she's actually a silly old fart, who doesnt know what day it is sometimes.She used to adjust her underwear, doing a major hoist up in the factory in front of 20 people out in the open when she thought no one was looking??!!,and even had the odd top on inside out lol. This is a woman judging others?, I just looked for the funny side lol.Her words are worth less than nothing to me. Im thankful I have nothing to do with her now. I even dodged a morning tea invitation thank goodness.

When you understand the person, you learn to expect no less than what they are only capable of, and thats not much in some cases.

We have to allow people some room to make us laugh sometimes because their tongue is too big for their mouths and their brains dont engage when they talk. Its not their fault they are mentally challenged and cant just keep their mouths closed, making a complete circus of themselves for our entertainment.

Last edited by Catwoman; December 17th, 2015 at 05:14 PM.
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Old December 17th, 2015, 06:11 PM
slr0031 slr0031 is offline
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Re: Bugged by Christmas letter

Quote:
Originally Posted by LucyVanPelt View Post
Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes!

Be proud of the work you do. There is NOTHING more important than being a good mother to your children!

Your step-mother tried to "usurp" you and sent a fake letter. This is her way of remaining in contact even when you've asked for no contact. Like KayKay said, everyone there knows that she's lying. To herself or to them? It doesn't matter. Everyone knows those newsletters are crap anyway-- just watch the episode on The Middle about them! Might I suggest you go outside and burn a copy of that newsletter? You may also need to consider leaving your dad go. He and his wife are a pair; if you want to go no contact with her, you may have to go no contact with him. I'm sorry.

But right now, the best thing you can do is laugh knowing that your stepmother made an *** out of herself, and focus on your children and husband.
Gosh you ladies make me feel so much better. I did feel this is her way to force me to be be in contact with her and felt angry even though it may not be her intent. I do think she wrote for reasons other than me, at least I hope. She just felt the need to brag about her life I guess. She and my dad moved down south for their retirement a couple years and just finished building a new house. And I just watched the Middle and it had that episode on I think the day I got the letter. Very funny! While I didn't burn the letter I did rip it up into tiny pieces, but good suggestion!

I know there may come a point in which contact with my dad stops as I can't take more behavior like what he has done in the past, the silent treatment when things don't go his way. He always gets weird about Thanksgiving through Christmas until my birthday when we gets himself together enough to talk to me again. Every year. I guess I am kind've riding it out and seeing what happens. I will remain in contact unless he gets nasty with me again which I know is a very good possibility since he will not accept that I want a relationship independent of his wife. I am trying to be fair about visits, knowing that she obviously lives that and I would not be rude to her but still don't know how I feel about her coming to my house for a weekend or more. If we go there we will be at a hotel. I guess I will cross that bridge when it comes. It is sad that I feel so unsure about if I can visit my dad anymore.

Feel much better about the dumb letter, it just doesn't matter. Have a happy holiday Lucy! Thank you for the support and for making me laugh.
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Old December 17th, 2015, 06:20 PM
slr0031 slr0031 is offline
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Re: Bugged by Christmas letter

Catwoman,

Yes she has had many problems with different people throughout the years. Not just me

You are correct that people can only annoy you if you let them. I can't stand when I let her get to me. I am sorry your old boss has to be rude. It is better to laugh than to get all stressed out about somebody else's craziness. Can be difficult though in the moment.

Have a merry Christmas!
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Old December 17th, 2015, 07:52 PM
Catwoman Catwoman is offline
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Re: Bugged by Christmas letter

Next time your lovely step mother says something to annoy you,think of something funny she has done,something weird and try not to laugh too much out loud lol. If she starts to attack verbally you in any way,nip it in the bud by interrupting and start going on about some else totally random and unrelated,its a great tactic to stop bullies....dont worry,be happy,and Merry Xmas!!..
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Old December 18th, 2015, 12:31 AM
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Annsdil Annsdil is offline
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Re: Bugged by Christmas letter

Just think what it would be like if you happen to bump into another person who received the letter:

So step mother says you're doing x now!

What? She said that! I haven't seen her in years for her to know anything about me! (Insert bemused chuckle as you walk off shaking your head).

Who's going to look a little cuckoo then? 😀😈
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