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Old October 10th, 2009, 03:19 PM
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HisHeathenHoney HisHeathenHoney is offline
She Who Must Be Obeyed
 
Join Date: Sep 2007
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So on the theme of avoidance versus polite contact....

We have an upcoming IL event, combined birthday dinner for DH and SIL (whose birthdays are within a few weeks of each other, so they do a combined b'day dinner, somewhere in the average of the dates). It will be in a few weeks.

I don't feel like going. MIL's been really getting on my nerves lately (partly her behavior and partly my mood). When I was still pregnant, my plan was to have "a cold" and not go, so I didn't have to endure the ILs with no alcohol and MIL getting all abuzz about that (or me trying to pretend drink). Now that I have had a miscarriage, I still don't want to go because I am sad and low energy and don't feel like being bothered with social situations even with people I like. Also I am in a rotten mood and even though it is obviously not in any way connected to MIL, I'm pretty much spoiling for a fight.

Actually that's the problem. I have hopelessly mixed motivations here. Part of me wants to go because it's just a simple dinner and it's the right thing to do, and DH would probably like it if I went. (Good reason.) Part of me wants to go out of morbid curiosity and with the feeling that I can lash out with snarkiness at MIL if she ticks me off. (Bad reason.) Part of me wants to stay home to give myself a break. I don't know if that is a good or a bad reason, but it certainly seems like it might be prudent in the current circumstances. Except I think it will annoy DH and I worry that I ought to be there to watch over the kids.

With such mixed feelings myself I don't even know what the 'right' thing is.

Refresher on my MIL: she's clingy, needy, bad sense of boundaries, always fussing and wanting to be included in everything, but she's not toxic and she's not "bad" to me (she's done some things I found very obnoxious and intrusive, but she does them obliviously, not maliciously. She doesn't do anything that would bother her if *I* did it to HER--because she's enmeshed, she wouldn't feel intruded upon if I did the same stuff back, so to speak).

Anyway, under normal circumstances I feel justified in doing what DH does: withdrawing to some extent, participating in faaaamily events to a limited extent, and sucking it up when I do. But right now when I feel so low and kind of depressed--and at the moment you can kind of tell by looking at me that not all is right--I am thinking that maybe it is good time not to present myself to her nosy scrutiny. Maybe.
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