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Old October 10th, 2009, 03:19 PM
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HisHeathenHoney HisHeathenHoney is offline
She Who Must Be Obeyed
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: San Francisco Bay Area
Posts: 3,182
HisHeathenHoney has much to be proud ofHisHeathenHoney has much to be proud ofHisHeathenHoney has much to be proud of
So on the theme of avoidance versus polite contact....

We have an upcoming IL event, combined birthday dinner for DH and SIL (whose birthdays are within a few weeks of each other, so they do a combined b'day dinner, somewhere in the average of the dates). It will be in a few weeks.

I don't feel like going. MIL's been really getting on my nerves lately (partly her behavior and partly my mood). When I was still pregnant, my plan was to have "a cold" and not go, so I didn't have to endure the ILs with no alcohol and MIL getting all abuzz about that (or me trying to pretend drink). Now that I have had a miscarriage, I still don't want to go because I am sad and low energy and don't feel like being bothered with social situations even with people I like. Also I am in a rotten mood and even though it is obviously not in any way connected to MIL, I'm pretty much spoiling for a fight.

Actually that's the problem. I have hopelessly mixed motivations here. Part of me wants to go because it's just a simple dinner and it's the right thing to do, and DH would probably like it if I went. (Good reason.) Part of me wants to go out of morbid curiosity and with the feeling that I can lash out with snarkiness at MIL if she ticks me off. (Bad reason.) Part of me wants to stay home to give myself a break. I don't know if that is a good or a bad reason, but it certainly seems like it might be prudent in the current circumstances. Except I think it will annoy DH and I worry that I ought to be there to watch over the kids.

With such mixed feelings myself I don't even know what the 'right' thing is.

Refresher on my MIL: she's clingy, needy, bad sense of boundaries, always fussing and wanting to be included in everything, but she's not toxic and she's not "bad" to me (she's done some things I found very obnoxious and intrusive, but she does them obliviously, not maliciously. She doesn't do anything that would bother her if *I* did it to HER--because she's enmeshed, she wouldn't feel intruded upon if I did the same stuff back, so to speak).

Anyway, under normal circumstances I feel justified in doing what DH does: withdrawing to some extent, participating in faaaamily events to a limited extent, and sucking it up when I do. But right now when I feel so low and kind of depressed--and at the moment you can kind of tell by looking at me that not all is right--I am thinking that maybe it is good time not to present myself to her nosy scrutiny. Maybe.
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