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Old April 29th, 2014, 10:50 PM
1924 1924 is offline
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how should I interact with my mom when she gets out of jail? What questions should I

my mom will return from jail in june after serving a six month sentence for a financial crime and I am her 14 year old daughter. I am glad she is coming home but also isn't kind of weird now that now she is a criminal that went to jail and she will order me around? I mean isn't that kind of hypocritical (kind of funny as well since she was being ordered around for the past five months). Part of me wants to do something nice for her when she comes back but part of me doesn't. Anyone have any experience with this? I won't use it against her but I think I will definitely poke some fun at her about it


also, while I have visited her and talked to her on the phone, we talked about me usually. I am thinking of asking her some questions about what it is like to be inside. I wonder what I should ask


is it weird me and my younger brother who is 12 are acting casual about this right now. In the beginning when she was first arrested it was scary but now that she has been sentenced for six months, restitution has been payed and my mom isn't even going to lose her job or anything (though I hear
She is going to be watched and checked on for some time). Now we are calm and not scared at all . And we think it is kind of funny of course and can't help but poke some fun at her about it ( about things like being bossed around, wearing a uniform, the food) and she doesn't mind and is very self deprecating about all this.
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Old April 30th, 2014, 11:29 AM
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Re: how should I interact with my mom when she gets out of jail? What questions shoul

Please treat your mother with respect. I appreciate and understand the teasing and her good natured self-deprecation, but at some point things need to go back to "normal." It was a six month sentence, she is finished, she is back home with her debt to society paid. She is still your mother and still loves you and it is still her job to raise you. I don't think it's hypocritical at all of her to "order you around." She may not have been in charge when she was in prison, but she is in charge a her own house!
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Old April 30th, 2014, 03:36 PM
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Re: how should I interact with my mom when she gets out of jail? What questions shoul

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Originally Posted by KayKay View Post
Please treat your mother with respect. I appreciate and understand the teasing and her good natured self-deprecation, but at some point things need to go back to "normal." It was a six month sentence, she is finished, she is back home with her debt to society paid. She is still your mother and still loves you and it is still her job to raise you. I don't think it's hypocritical at all of her to "order you around." She may not have been in charge when she was in prison, but she is in charge a her own house!

I won't use it against her but I can't help but poke some fun at her about it


Is it a good idea to ask questions about her jail experience?
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Old April 30th, 2014, 04:20 PM
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Re: how should I interact with my mom when she gets out of jail? What questions shoul

You can ask her questions, I'm sure she would be open to answering them. But be respectful if she doesn't want to answer certain questions. The answers may be painful for her to recount, or she may worry that you will be upset by it.

It may all seem strange right now and also when she first comes home. I am sure in no time, you will all start to feel comfortable with each other especially if you make mom feel back at home, and any awkwardness will disappear.
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Old April 30th, 2014, 04:23 PM
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Re: how should I interact with my mom when she gets out of jail? What questions shoul

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Originally Posted by Annsdil View Post
You can ask her questions, I'm sure she would be open to answering them. But be respectful if she doesn't want to answer certain questions. The answers may be painful for her to recount, or she may worry that you will be upset by it.

It may all seem strange right now and also when she first comes home. I am sure in no time, you will all start to feel comfortable with each other especially if you make mom feel back at home, and any awkwardness will disappear.


Is the calm way by brother and I are reacting fine?


Also she is self deprecating about this. Even my dad said use it as an "educational experience "
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Old April 30th, 2014, 04:30 PM
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Re: how should I interact with my mom when she gets out of jail? What questions shoul

Yes it is fine. You know she is coming home, but sometimes seeing is believing so you may be taking the cautious approach inside until she really is home.

Listen to your Dad and I am sure your mum will want to ensure it has not only been an education for herself, but also for you and your brother to ensure you don't repeat your mum's mistakes.
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Old April 30th, 2014, 05:05 PM
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Re: how should I interact with my mom when she gets out of jail? What questions shoul

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Originally Posted by Annsdil View Post
Yes it is fine. You know she is coming home, but sometimes seeing is believing so you may be taking the cautious approach inside until she really is home.

Listen to your Dad and I am sure your mum will want to ensure it has not only been an education for herself, but also for you and your brother to ensure you don't repeat your mum's mistakes.

What do you think of the idea that it is hypocritical for her to tell me what to do now since she has been behind bars. I don't believe it but I wondered what people thought.


I also hope I am not sounding cruel and uncaring when it comes to
Poking fun at my mom about her situation. It is more just poking fun
That she is being ordered around by officers and has to do
Things like wear a uniform , using locker room type showers, and other aspects of being in jail just as a way to lighten the situation a bit. My mom doesn't mind and she does it to herself too

Last edited by 1924; April 30th, 2014 at 05:41 PM.
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Old April 30th, 2014, 05:33 PM
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Re: how should I interact with my mom when she gets out of jail? What questions shoul

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Originally Posted by 1924 View Post
What do you think of the idea that it is hypocritical for her to tell me what to do now since she has been behind bars. I don't believe it but I wondered what people thought.


I also hope I am not sounding cruel and uncaring when it comes to
Poking fun at my mom about her situation. It is more just poking fun
That she is being ordered around by officers and has to do
Things like wear a uniform and other aspects of being in jail just as a way to lighten the situation a bit. My mom doesn't mind and she does it to herself too
Humor can help us deal with difficult things. First, let your mother know that you love her, respect her, and honor her! Then the irony of having to follow rules and wear a uniform is humorous. But if you think you're mom is hypocritical and you think you no longer have to respect her or obey her, then the teasing is just mean.
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Old April 30th, 2014, 07:00 PM
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Re: how should I interact with my mom when she gets out of jail? What questions shoul

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Originally Posted by LucyVanPelt View Post
Humor can help us deal with difficult things. First, let your mother know that you love her, respect her, and honor her! Then the irony of having to follow rules and wear a uniform is humorous. But if you think you're mom is hypocritical and you think you no longer have to respect her or obey her, then the teasing is just mean.
I won't but I wondered what others thought. It is interesting to think about
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Old April 30th, 2014, 08:14 PM
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Re: how should I interact with my mom when she gets out of jail? What questions shoul

Celebrate a belated mother's day with her.

Think about the good things she's done for you and tell her about the things you appreciate.
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