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Old April 2nd, 2013, 11:28 PM
smurray09 smurray09 is offline
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Mother is kicking me out???

So for the past couple of weeks, my mother has been saying she wants me out the house. Yes, I'm 22 and in college, but because of California budget cuts, I can't get into any school. Let me explain; About 3 years ago, my mother and I moved to Germany for her government job. I went to HS there for three months and graduated. I planned on going back to the US to a CSU, but she didn't want me to leave, said I wasn't ready. So I went to the university that all government civilians and military went to because that was my only option. Fast forward to 2011 when we moved back to CA and I was going to CCC, thinking that it would help me socially and get into a CSU. We had recently found out that my father had underhandedly divorced my mom, stopped all my GI Bill money and just stopped all contact with me. It was hard for us, but I stuck through it with my mom and eventually she got her a little boyfriend. In Sept of 2012, my grandmother died and the month after, I went to get my driver's license and practice at a family friend's house. My mother claims that she felt abandoned, but all along she knew that if I didn't do this I would never be confident enough to get my license, especially since she had no time to teach me and I only had Financial aid (which is every 6 months) to help pay for lessons. Plus she was always hounding me telling me that she was tired of driving me around everywhere. I had actually planned this about 2 months before all this happened. When I was there she did nothing but talk down to me and talk down about the people I was staying with. I think that was entirely rude and disrespectful of her, but that's how she's always been. Now back to her boyfriend, a couple of weeks ago, basically he left her for a rich/well off woman and now she's taking it ALL out on me, notice that this kicking out faze didn't start till after the guy left. Now fast forward to today. I called a couple of colleges to see when they would send out decisions for transfers and they basically said that they have no space for out of area transfer students. Well, she claims that she's trying to deploy to Afghanistan.. for what reason, I really don't know, but like always I'm guessing this is her running away from her problems like she always does. Since she'll be leaving, I have to go to someone's college, but if no one will accept me because I'm out of area (but resident), where will I go??? She made up all these excuses of why I need to get out of her house. Because i'm in the bed, I have no friends, I don't do anything... well I'm in school and almost have my AA (will be getting it next month), I never talk back to her, don't disrespect her at all, and I try to be as obedient as I can. I clean up the house when she's gone, and when I'm in the bed that usually means that I've done everything in the house. Majority of the time there's nothing to do in the house, so what needs to be done?? Do I have to mess up to act like there's something to do. The having no friends thing, well I do have them, but not in the area that I live in. I don't plan on being here for long (well didn't, we'll see how that goes), so what's the issue with that?? As long as I can remember she's even told people that I'm a very good child to have. So why is she downing me so much and kicking me out??? Is it because the guy left her for another woman?? Is it because of my fathers?? I'm trying my hardest to better myself and get out of the house and she acts like I'm doing nothing. She literally acts like I'm the worst child in the world and talks like she hates me so much.. seriously can anyone tell me what I've done??? The funny thing is, everyone around her sees it BUT her. Even my aunt notices it. My grandmother noticed it too and confronted my mom, but my mom yelled at her everytime she said something, so I told my grandmother not to mention it because we knew where it would lead. If someone could please help me or lead me to the right direction I would really appreciate it. Thanks for reading.
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Old April 3rd, 2013, 05:03 AM
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Re: Mother is kicking me out???

I'm sorry you are going through this.

I don't know why your mom is behaving like this. Your dad abandoned you and now she is; you are the one who should be feeling upset. Instead of letting that get you down, you're trying to find a way to better yourself. Good for you!

Moving to a campus is not your only option. It's time to brainstorm. Do you have a job? that's the first thing you will need. Next, do you have a relative or friend you can move in with? Have you looked at ads for roommates? Considered entering the military yourself?

You can do this. You will be proud of what you've done, on your own!
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Old April 3rd, 2013, 09:50 AM
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Re: Mother is kicking me out???

You dont sound like a bad "kid" to me. You sound like, and are, an adult. If I were you I'd call Grandma and see about moving in with her or your Aunt, until you get a job and get your feet on the ground.
Seems to me your Mom needs her space. She may be having a break down from all the rejection she's gone through.
Guten Tag.
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Old April 4th, 2013, 06:24 PM
smurray09 smurray09 is offline
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Re: Mother is kicking me out???

Quote:
Originally Posted by LucyVanPelt View Post
I'm sorry you are going through this.

I don't know why your mom is behaving like this. Your dad abandoned you and now she is; you are the one who should be feeling upset. Instead of letting that get you down, you're trying to find a way to better yourself. Good for you!

Moving to a campus is not your only option. It's time to brainstorm. Do you have a job? that's the first thing you will need. Next, do you have a relative or friend you can move in with? Have you looked at ads for roommates? Considered entering the military yourself?

You can do this. You will be proud of what you've done, on your own!
Thanks.. I didn't clarify that I'm totally against joining the military. My mom has been trying to force me in since I was in high school, and my answer has always been "No" and I'm not changing it. I've grown tired of traveling because of my parents' military and government jobs. California is my home and I really don't want to leave again. I don't have a job, I've been applying for the past 3 years ever since my dad stopped my school money. Before my father "disappeared" I had planned on moving out (I actually made enough off of that to support myself) and go to a community college in my hometown, unfortunately as soon as I started paying my own bills and whatnot, he stopped everything. I've gotten some interviews and usually it seems like they go well but I never get hired. I have an Aunt who lives about 2 hours away but she already has her 2 kids plus an additional family living in her house. I'm not too comfortable living there knowing that I'm just another mouth to feed and she's struggling. Besides her, I have no other family members that I can really rely on. All my friends still live with their parents, so I'm not sure that would work out too well.

Quote:
Originally Posted by BagLady View Post
You dont sound like a bad "kid" to me. You sound like, and are, an adult. If I were you I'd call Grandma and see about moving in with her or your Aunt, until you get a job and get your feet on the ground.
Seems to me your Mom needs her space. She may be having a break down from all the rejection she's gone through.
Guten Tag.
The funny thing about my mom needing her space is that I tried to leave when I was 16 but she didn't want me to. She said that she would change but I haven't seen any improvement. My grandmother has passed, so that's out of the question also. What I don't understand is why she's willing to go somewhere that's extremely dangerous to "get away". I tell her to just distance herself from the people that hurt her like her previous boyfriend and my father. Seems like whatever I tell her goes in one ear and out the other. But as soon as one of her "friends" tell her to do what I said she listens to them. I'll never understand that.
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Old April 4th, 2013, 09:34 PM
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Re: Frustrated

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Originally Posted by smurray09 View Post
My mother is the same. She can go days without talking to me and it hurts. It's just me living with her, and I don't have any friends to actually talk to so I think I rely on her to talk to me when she's at home. Usually when I try to have a conversation with her she's so short with me. Or if I do get a conversation going which is rare, the phone will ring and our conversation immediately ends. Another thing she will do is stay on the phone all night after she's at work, and if I go in there and politely ask to talk to her she'll get an attitude and say "I'm on the phone"... Sometimes she MAY want to know what it is that I have to say but by that time I figure it's no longer important if she can't pause 5 seconds of her phone time for me.
I'm sorry to hear your Mother won't give you any of her time. What about your father? Grandmother, Aunt, Uncle? Anyone you can reach out to and spend time with? Maybe you could write your Mother a letter. Tell her you need her, and whatever else is on your mind. My daughter did that once, and it was a real eye opener for me.
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Old April 4th, 2013, 09:46 PM
smurray09 smurray09 is offline
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Re: Frustrated

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Originally Posted by BagLady View Post
I'm sorry to hear your Mother won't give you any of her time. What about your father? Grandmother, Aunt, Uncle? Anyone you can reach out to and spend time with? Maybe you could write your Mother a letter. Tell her you need her, and whatever else is on your mind. My daughter did that once, and it was a real eye opener for me.
My grandmother is dead, my father left and never came back. I have an aunt but I feel like I bother her too much. I wrote a letter like that when I was 12, she threw it in my face and cursed me out.

Last edited by smurray09; April 4th, 2013 at 09:57 PM.
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Old April 5th, 2013, 07:57 AM
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Re: Mother is kicking me out???

Quote:
I had planned on moving out (I actually made enough off of that to support myself) and go to a community college in my hometown.
You didn't make enough money; you were being supported. Now that support has ended. You are 22 years old, a man. It sucks. It won't be easy, but you can live an independent life. It will mean postponing college. It may mean living in something more like a hostel and being a fry cook to start with. But you have to do it, regardless of your emotional pain, you have to stand up on your own two feet and make your own way in the world.
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Old April 5th, 2013, 08:04 AM
smurray09 smurray09 is offline
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Re: Mother is kicking me out???

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Originally Posted by LucyVanPelt View Post
You didn't make enough money; you were being supported. Now that support has ended. You are 22 years old, a man. It sucks. It won't be easy, but you can live an independent life. It will mean postponing college. It may mean living in something more like a hostel and being a fry cook to start with. But you have to do it, regardless of your emotional pain, you have to stand up on your own two feet and make your own way in the world.
A man? Not even close. I'm not going to postpone college. I'm too close to finishing to postpone. I don't want to be 40 just getting my BA when I can get it at 23, no offense to anyone.
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Old April 5th, 2013, 09:22 AM
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Re: Mother is kicking me out???

Well, you've got to figure something out. It doesn't seem like you can rely on your mom or dad or the GI Bill or anything else to support you anymore. Your mom is having her own issues. I know that's a hard thing to accept emotionally, but you aren't the only college student having to support themselves. It can be done.

You seem to be able to accomplish things and find ways to do things once you set your mind to it (i.e. your driver's license).

I'm a little confused about your school situation - I *think* you are currently enrolled in a community college, is that correct? If you have been living in California since 2011 you should have resident status by now, shouldn't you? I don't understand why you're considered "out of area." Is there anyone at the community college who can help you figure things out, like a Student Services department?

Somewhere out there is a garage apartment that someone is willing to rent to you for cheap. Somewhere out there is an educational opportunity. Somewhere out there is a job that is flexible enough that you can still attend school. You just have to keep turning over the rocks until you find it.
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Old April 5th, 2013, 10:01 AM
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Re: Mother is kicking me out???

Quote:
Originally Posted by smurray09 View Post
A man? Not even close. I'm not going to postpone college. I'm too close to finishing to postpone. I don't want to be 40 just getting my BA when I can get it at 23, no offense to anyone.
Are you saying you aren't male or you aren't an adult?
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