need serious advice i am lost :(

[Annsdil]

Your attourney needs to obtain a report on the "evidence" on which you have been charged with harassment.

You both need to NOT contact her!

My IL's sent us a note implying they were watching the kids at nursery and were being kept informed of their progress. We believe it was to try and incite DH to go round and engage with them, or indeed to incite violence from DH so they could have an excuse to call police. We do not do things like that. We ensured that nursery were aware of the situation and could satisfy ourselves the kids were safe at nursery, then we did nothing else other than to place the note in our evidence file.

Compile everything you have for the attourney and do NOTHING else. Get DH's counsellor to send the attourney a report based on their meetings to date.

[LucyVanPelt]

Originally Posted by Talisman

Also, I know that filing a civil suit is engaging in behavior but we're probably going to dish out about 6 thousand dollars for charges to be dismissed. We can't afford that and we certainly can't do that more than once. I wonder if the police will arrest her on their own for a false report or if that has to be done by me?

It would be up to the DA to press charges for a false report. You could pursue this in civil court, but you already know that is cost-prohibitive and it will keep you engaged with MIL. Please take Annsdil's advice, save the evidence, and review all of this with your lawyer.

[Talisman]

Ok thanks. This is just going to be a financial burden for us vs. a criminal issue. I would like to collect the fees back that I am dishing out.

[KayKay]

The cheapest way to pay is with money.

[Talisman]

good point

[snafu]

Originally Posted by Talisman

Ok thanks. This is just going to be a financial burden for us vs. a criminal issue. I would like to collect the fees back that I am dishing out.

?Judge Judy?

[LucyVanPelt]

We haven't heard from you in a few days, Talisman. I hope that means that your situation is resolved, at least temporarily.

[Talisman]

I'm just super stressed out about money for the attorney. I meet with him on Tuesday and he's already said there is a good chance this will get dismissed. I was charged with 4 felonies and 3 misdemeanors. Since I did not talk with the arressting officer I dont know why I was charged with those things. I cant really get into online here but I'm not worried about getting in trouble.

Now dh is beyond angry and calls MIL. She does not answer, instead she texts him that she can't talk right now. Dh texts her back and says "now that you've lied to the cop and my wife has been arrested you have signed and sealed this with me and you're never going to hear from me again." MIL responds: "that's your choice. You guys cant hurt me anymore!!!!"

I have never seen dh so mad. This is a blessing that comes at a cost for me. Since MIL has made this up dh said that after the charges are dismissed that we're filing a civil counter-suit for attorney fees and bond money we dished out in her little charade she pulled.

And MOST IMPORTANTLY!!!!! Finally a therapist who thinks MIL should not ever see the kids and that dh needs to cut her off!!! Dh's own counselor herself.

When DH told me he called his mom and texted her back I freaked out a little and told him he shouldn't have done that because now MIL is going to have him arrested too!!! Of course I get the "she wouldn't do that to me" look.

Well what do ya know?! Cop calls DH and says he needs to stop texting his mom or he's going to arrest him for intimidating a witness and tampering with police evidence. I am NOT surprised at all. MIL left the cop a voicemail that said she was scared of her son, the officer said.

It's funny how for the past few years I've been telling him his mom's going to do this or his mom's going to do that and every time he says she wouldn't do that. HA! Right- guess what... everytime she does exactly what I expect and exactly what DH doesn't think she'll do.

I wonder what is next GP rights I think

A few days ago my mother calls and said that MIL emailed her. I bet if my mother doesn't respond she will keep on emailing her and eventually there will be a whole load of emails to bring where the plaintiff is trying to contact the defendant's family members. My attorney said tell her not to respond at all ever.

MIL said to my mom that she is sorry for this mess and that she can help me out of my charges that she says are 4 serious felony charges, since she is the victim if I admit to the charges and take responsibility for what I have done. She goes on to tell my mother that I have done things to hurt her, and that I have used the kids to hurt her. She states she wants to talk to my mother but not in writing. She gives my mother her phone numbers and tells my mother that she hopes to hear from her and that we (Dh and I) will not talk to her. At the end of her email she states “have been praying like crazy for a very long time. I believe this is all happening for a reason.”

I am sure this is not over for me yet. I'm sure MIL will continue some how some way, even after the case is over. Worst thing is: now she has my address because she's the "victim" in this case and gets access to our address.

[LucyVanPelt]

No, it doesn't sound like this is over for you. We had a long time member here who went through similar things with her MIL. I wish she was still posting with us because I know she would know just what to tell you.

Make sure you get a copy of anything that MIL put in writing to your DM and keep your evidence folder in a safe place.

The good thing about GP rights is that most states will not recognize them if the parents are married.

I'm not sure why you don't know why there are charges. It's your legal right to know them and it's required that the arresting officer notify you of them. (See Miranda rights and the 6th Amendment!)

The "victim" isn't entitled to your personal information, either, and if you still have that no-contact order in place, she has to abide by that. FTR, so do you and DH. You'd be surprised by how many people violate their own NC orders.

[Talisman]

Hi Lucy, I meant I don't know the details about my charges. I have a list of the charges but I don't know the "evidence" behind them yet until my attorney files a discovery motion to obtain the police reports.

I was a victim in a harrassment case a few years ago and I was allowed (told it was public info) to view the court file. I went to the clerk's office and viewed the file on the woman harrassing me and it had her address, date of birth, social security number, phone number and the clerk asked me if I wanted copies! I'm sure MIL and anyone else can view my file too.\

Also, the NC order is just a request that DH and I sent months ago from the old state we live in. There is no actual court ordered NC. And since then DH has gone over to see MIL with kids and has had them call her several times....