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Old January 6th, 2017, 03:23 AM
Glindora Glindora is offline
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Am I Being Awkward?

Not posted on here before but feel a bit peeved - partly want to rant and partly outside situation to say I'm doing right/wrong

We are lucky enough to own a holiday house in France - it is normally rented out through an agent and is fairly expensive to rent as it is large and has a pool. (we do have a mortgage on it so rent pays for that). We have reserved it for a week's holiday this year to celebrate our silver wedding anniversary with our best friends and are not expecting them to pay anything in rent for it - (We also pay a service charge when we go to our agent to cover the cost of cleaning it/laundry etc and we are not expecting anyone to have to pay for that.)

There are 4 bedrooms and up to this week 10 people going - 4 couples and 2 men on their own. All are extremely good friends with each other and with us and we have known all of them all our adult lives - they all came to our wedding. The other 3 couples have been together as long or longer than us. The 2 men on their own are both in relationships (one married but with v young kids so wife not coming and the other in newish relationship) and are very longstanding close friends so the plan was to put them in a twin room and the other couples have the other 3 rooms and one on blow-up bed in den.

Bloke in newish relationship - let's call him Ged - has just announced that he's invited the girlfriend and she wants to come. She certainly does. She emailed me straight away asking for dates and all the information. He has been with her for 18 months so it's not like he's just started dating and invited her but the situation is a little more complicated. He was married for a long time and had a messy divorce 4 years ago. He started seeing Poppy 18 months ago but has very much compartmentalised her - we have only met her a handful of times and haven't had much time with her. He told me a couple of months ago that she was wanting things to get serious - she is also divorced and has grown up children - and move in together and he was clear that he doesn't want that. He has a lot of friends and lives in a different town to her and to us and sees her when he wants. He has actually booked 4 holidays already for next year - some of them very exotic long-haul and is only, annoyingly, planning on going with her on one of them - to ours!

I have absolutely nothing against her. She seems a very pleasant person but it does make the sleeping arrangements difficult. There is literally not another suitable room to sleep people in (not ideal to have people in living room for late night parties/those who get up early to go jogging - not me!)

One option would be that one of the rooms is a triple - a couple could sleep in there with the other 'spare' man - and I think it should be Ged and Poppy.
My reasons are - I can think of individual practical reasons why each of the other couples shouldn't have to - we're contributing more financially than anyone else, one couple the husband snores abominally, another the wife has MS etc but the real reason is that the others are my best friends who I want to really be there and who have been through everything with us and I don't see that they should be inconvenienced for someone who we've met only a couple of times and who, I suspect, will not be in our lives for too much longer. (This all arose after New Year's Eve which we all spent together when I'm guessing she heard about the plans for the first time and told Ged she wanted to come too.)

The argument against that is of course that we all know each other so well and have done for so long that it would be less awkward for another couple to share with Steve. (If you think that I'm not considering Steve in this, it's because he's the most easygoing person in the world who would be the first to say that he'd share and wouldn't mind who with.)

I had already told the others about the sleeping arrangements - we have been planning this for 6 months now! We had initially worried that if another 2 couples wanted to come, we would have to book a separate house as well and share the cost but I was also able to tell the others that we wouldn't need which means one couple who are less well off are able to come as all they need is their plane fare.

I want to explain the bedroom situation to Ged and ask if he and Poppy will share with Steve. The other option is (and he did already mention this if there were too many people) they could stay in a hotel in the village - a couple of minutes walk. I don't want him or P to think I'm being awkward and I don't want to be but tbh if one couple was going to be inconvenienced I would rather it was them than people I've been close to all my life. Ged is great fun and lovely but he is very much the cat who walked by himself. He suits himself entirely - which is why his marriage broke up! - and whereas all the others have been there and supportive at difficult times and bereavements as we have for them, Ged is a happy times friend. He is there for parties and holidays but he can also be a bit awkward - he wants to do what he wants to do and gets a bit peeved if others don't. I don't want to make him sound awful cos he really isn't but just trying to explain that if they were to decide the arrangements were too difficult and they wouldn't come I wouldn't be heartbroken but I would be if others were to.
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Old January 6th, 2017, 04:46 AM
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Annsdil Annsdil is offline
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Re: Am I Being Awkward?

"I'm sorry we are unable to accommodate any more people than we've already invited, we will be disappointed if that means you will no longer be able to come, but we understand".

Your home. No explanations required, no drama!
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Old January 6th, 2017, 07:20 AM
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LucyVanPelt LucyVanPelt is offline
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Re: Am I Being Awkward?

The simple answer is just as Annsdil has said, "I'm sorry we are unable to accommodate any more people than we've already invited, we will be disappointed if that means you will no longer be able to come, but we understand." You can give them the information about the place in the village if he's interested.

I suspect this is the real issue:
Quote:
he wants to do what he wants to do and gets a bit peeved if others don't.
He is the one being awkward. He will be peeved. So what? Either he'll behave like an adult and make other arrangements or he'll behave like a toddler and his girlfriend can manage him.
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Old January 6th, 2017, 10:55 AM
Catwoman Catwoman is offline
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Re: Am I Being Awkward?

I agree with the others.You could say sorry there isnt enough room for another couple. Maybe you could stay at the village with your partner and join us daily and it will give you your privacy too.There is already too many people now. But we understand if you decide not too come afterall. If he does not understand thats just too bad.His problem.Be firm.
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Old January 7th, 2017, 04:28 AM
Glindora Glindora is offline
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Re: Am I Being Awkward?

Thank you everyone. You reinforced what I was thinking - just didn't want to be awkward or seen to be unwelcoming. I'm conscious that in a group that has known each other as long as we have and knew and liked Ged's first wife, we don't want Poppy to see us as not accepting her to the group.
Anyway, I talked to Ged and explained that he'd given me to understand that he wasn't inviting her and so I'd allocated him a room with Steve and she was welcome to join them both as it could be the triple room. He spoke to her and they decided that in those circumstances they'd rather book a hotel (I was slightly peeved by her saying apparently to Ged that she didn't want to share a room with S because he talks too much!) and have booked a very charming one in the village about 5 minutes walk from us. Ideal solution for us all.
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Old January 11th, 2017, 06:36 PM
Wandarlust Wandarlust is offline
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Re: Am I Being Awkward?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Glindora View Post
Thank you everyone. You reinforced what I was thinking - just didn't want to be awkward or seen to be unwelcoming. I'm conscious that in a group that has known each other as long as we have and knew and liked Ged's first wife, we don't want Poppy to see us as not accepting her to the group.
Anyway, I talked to Ged and explained that he'd given me to understand that he wasn't inviting her and so I'd allocated him a room with Steve and she was welcome to join them both as it could be the triple room. He spoke to her and they decided that in those circumstances they'd rather book a hotel (I was slightly peeved by her saying apparently to Ged that she didn't want to share a room with S because he talks too much!) and have booked a very charming one in the village about 5 minutes walk from us. Ideal solution for us all.
Glad it worked out. I'm not sure what kind of relationship Ged and Poppy have. But if it's a girlfriend/boyfriend intimate one, it wouldn't matter much if the other person was a talker or not. I still wouldn't want to share a room! So, again, glad it all worked out. It's the most sensible thing for them to do.
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Old January 25th, 2017, 02:55 AM
Glindora Glindora is offline
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Re: Am I Being Awkward?

Ha ha. The plot thickens! It turns out that Poppy booked the new place without consulting Ged. Interestingly it's absolutely gorgeous and very romantic - but isn't in the village next to us. It's in the area but not one I recommended to her/them and is a drive away from us. He doesn't appear happy about this. She has also booked flights for herself - but not him and again has almost deliberately made life harder for herself by booking a more difficult airport to get to and at a far higher price. (She could easily have got a ryanair flight from her local airport to ours in France so I have no idea what she's doing!) She did ask my advice about which airport to go/who we normally booked with and then ignored it all.
I think I shall stay clear of the whole business!
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Old January 25th, 2017, 07:05 AM
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LucyVanPelt LucyVanPelt is offline
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Re: Am I Being Awkward?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Glindora View Post
Ha ha. The plot thickens! It turns out that Poppy booked the new place without consulting Ged. Interestingly it's absolutely gorgeous and very romantic - but isn't in the village next to us. It's in the area but not one I recommended to her/them and is a drive away from us. He doesn't appear happy about this. She has also booked flights for herself - but not him and again has almost deliberately made life harder for herself by booking a more difficult airport to get to and at a far higher price. (She could easily have got a ryanair flight from her local airport to ours in France so I have no idea what she's doing!) She did ask my advice about which airport to go/who we normally booked with and then ignored it all.
I think I shall stay clear of the whole business!
Staying clear of the whole business is very wise. Something else is going on here, and it's best if you just let it unfold between Poppy and Ged.
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