unreported car accident

[Alice]

My daughter , in her 20's, had a car accident and did not stay or report it. The police have done a search warrant for her car and had it towed.
I am unable to sleep, am sick worrying about it.

I am very disappointed in her that she did not admit her guilt and face the consequences.

Any thoughts?

[LucyVanPelt]

My first thought is to get a lawyer.

Your DD is 20 and got caught. She's going to face the consequences now. We were all young and dumb once. Is this the first time she's really disappointed you or does she make a habit of it? If this is the first, help her (don't rescue her!) to deal with this. If this is typical behavior, protect yourself and let her learn on her own.

[KayKay]

Does she live with you still?

[Priscille]

Our actions have many different motivations: If I punched a guy because I thought he looked at me funny would not be the same as if I punch a guy because he was beating up a little child! The action is the same, the context/motivation is different!

Why do you think didn't she stay or report it?

Was she scared of the consequences? Did she think she could get away with it? Did she feel responsible for the accident in any way? Does she usually cause havoc and run away? Did she think she would protect herself by running away?

Try and get over your disappointment by figuring out the deep reason why she acted that way.

Worrying will also keep you in a dark place where you have no power. Try and take action and help her in any way you can to deal with the situation.

[Knot2loud]

Originally Posted by Alice

I am very disappointed in her that she did not admit her guilt and face the consequences.

Any thoughts?

Yes. Let her face the consequences.

I don't think you can do it. You'll bail her out because you'll feel guilty if you don't.

...and you'll want to protect your daughter from the terrible consequences of her poor decision.

Plus... she might get upset with you if you don't help her through this.

[snafu]

Alice - I agree with the others that say she needs to deal with the consquences of her own behavior. If you take care of everything for her she will never "grow up" enough to realize SHE is legally responsible for her own actions....20-30 yrs from now are you planning to still be bailing her out? (and possibilly your grandchildren as well?)

[neverfail]

Originally Posted by Knot2loud

Yes. Let her face the consequences.

I don't think you can do it. You'll bail her out because you'll feel guilty if you don't.

...and you'll want to protect your daughter from the terrible consequences of her poor decision.

Plus... she might get upset with you if you don't help her through this.

agreed. i think it's the most efficient way

[dannyv]

Originally Posted by Alice

My daughter , in her 20's, had a car accident and did not stay or report it. The police have done a search warrant for her car and had it towed.
I am unable to sleep, am sick worrying about it.

I am very disappointed in her that she did not admit her guilt and face the consequences.

Any thoughts?

Hey Alice,
What did you end up doing for your daughter?? I'm in a similar situation with my son who was recently in a car accident in california and I'm not sure how to handle it. I'd be interested to see what you ended up doing. I've considered contacting a car accident lawyer los angeles but I'm not sure if I should let him handle it on his own or if I should step in.

Thanks,
Daniel

[LucyVanPelt]

Hi, Daniel, Alice has never been back since that post. My advice to you would be the same-- help him but don't rescue him. That means teaching him how to find a lawyer and how to make an appointment. It may mean a little hand holding in the office and escorting him to court or wherever he has to go, but he has to do the work.