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Old November 30th, 2014, 02:08 PM
Smooshie Smooshie is offline
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Unhappy Mama drama. Need perspective!

Hello,

I am really struggling with how to feel about a situation. Hoping someone with a big heart could help me see other perspectives...

Basically, my younger adult brother came to me a few weeks ago out of concern for our aging single divorced mother who is having financial diffilcity and admitted to using his name to open credit cards to make ends meet. Unfortunately, this is not the first time she's done this, did the same thing when I was 13 and when I turned 18, had a rude awakening and had to fight the credit companies.

Fast forward to today, my mother has also been struggling to pay a Parent Plus federal student loan that she took out to help finance my undergraduate degree. As a result, she has defaulted, and almost risked having her social security garnished. She now owes thousands more because of this defaulting and now we're all in trouble. It's going to. Be over $30 k total.

My husband and I are already paying our own student loans at the tune of $600 a month and can't contribute much to her debt. However I feel immese guilt and anger at the same time and can't think straight. I also just found out we're pregnant, which is what we've wanted for over a year, but now seems like horrible timing.

Another yucky layer is my estranged father who is wealthy and never contributed a dime to our higher education. He left us when I was 10 and paid the bare minimum child support stopped immediately upon our turning 18. My mother has apparently been talking to him against my and my brothers wishes but does not tell him how his absenteeism has destroyed our family emotionally and financially.

I'm sick about it all, and feeling most terrible because I called my mother upon leaning about the defaulting and penalty fees and screamed at her. I blamed her for years of deceit and omission of information. I know I should be more in control of my anger and my words, but do I have the right to feel totally disgusted with the entire situation?
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Old November 30th, 2014, 03:25 PM
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LucyVanPelt LucyVanPelt is offline
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Re: Mama drama. Need perspective!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Smooshie View Post
I blamed her for years of deceit and omission of information. I know I should be more in control of my anger and my words, but do I have the right to feel totally disgusted with the entire situation?
Feelings are feelings, no right or wrong to them. Does your mother does deserve the blame for years of deceit? She stole your identity and then repeated this crime, stealing your brothers? SHE defaulted on the loan. It doesn't matter what your father did or did not do. She needs to learn how to manage her own money and not steal from others; he is not at fault for that. I'm not saying that he didn't abandon you, but he's not responsible for your mother's life choices.

Concentrate on your baby and your DH. Love them. Take care of your own business.

And if he should ask, urge your brother to press charges, which may be a requirement to getting his credit straightened out.
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Old December 3rd, 2014, 09:00 AM
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snafu snafu is offline
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Re: Mama drama. Need perspective!

if I were you I'd be checking my own credit history as well

As hard as it may be, I'm with Lucy - he need to press charges -otherwise he'll be on the hook for the debt and his own credit may be trashed, which could affect what interest he'll pay on things like car and home loans ... or even if he can get them
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