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Old March 28th, 2018, 11:20 AM
Lemonmeringuepie Lemonmeringuepie is offline
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Unhappy Dilemna-torn between two friends

I have a wonderful female friend who I adore and also a very close male friend. My male friend invited me to stay at his place for the weekend but I totally forgot and asked my best female friend if shed like to do something on the same weekend. Now Im stuck-I cant cancel on my female friend, as Ive done this before (bad bad memory) and shes not spoken to me for days so I'm afraid I might lose her this time but also don't want to let my male friend down.Crazy I know but I dont know what to do for the best. Admit to female friend Ive messed up and forgot I was going away? and risk losing her as I dont think she'll believe me or cancel my male friend?
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Old March 28th, 2018, 11:53 AM
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KayKay KayKay is offline
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Re: Dilemna-torn between two friends

I'm sure there's an etiquette rule about this. I don't know what it is, I haven't figured out the right combination of words for Google to help, and my copy of Emily Post is somewhere in a box in storage.

The first thing I'd do is figure out if there's an alternate weekend to go see the male friend. Was there a particular reason he invited you for *that* weekend, or was it a general "any weekend, why not that one?" Same for the event with your female friend - is there a particular thing that you invited her to do (say, a concert) or was it just a "something that weekend, maybe lunch" invitation.

So given that there isn't a compelling reason to do one or the other, I'd cancel on the male friend because you were the invitee, not the inviter. I'd be completely honest with the male friend, tell him you flaked and you'd love to come and is there any other weekend?
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Old March 28th, 2018, 12:49 PM
Lemonmeringuepie Lemonmeringuepie is offline
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Re: Dilemna-torn between two friends

Thanks KayKay. Ive totally stuffed up- and it means I miss out because of my stupid memory. It'll probably end up with me not doing either in the end darn it.Thanks for your advice-its much appreciated.
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Old March 29th, 2018, 07:22 AM
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Re: Dilemna-torn between two friends

The guy will get over it if you change plans. He may not like it, but telling him another weekend would be better... That's probably okay. Stick with your plans with the girl.
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Old March 29th, 2018, 10:50 AM
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LucyVanPelt LucyVanPelt is offline
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Re: Dilemna-torn between two friends

Quote:
as Ive done this before (bad bad memory) and shes not spoken to me for days so I'm afraid I might lose her this time
I am going to respectfully disagree about cancelling plans and putting your girlfriend first because of this. If she's going to punish you for a mistake, then she's not all that wonderful. I understand being disappointed, and even being angry, but breaking a friendship because you made a mistake? That's emotional manipulation. Is she really worth it?
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Old March 29th, 2018, 12:32 PM
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Re: Dilemna-torn between two friends

Quote:
Originally Posted by Lemonmeringuepie View Post
I have a wonderful female friend who I adore and also a very close male friend. My male friend invited me to stay at his place for the weekend but I totally forgot and asked my best female friend if shed like to do something on the same weekend. Now Im stuck-I cant cancel on my female friend, as Ive done this before (bad bad memory) and shes not spoken to me for days so I'm afraid I might lose her this time but also don't want to let my male friend down.Crazy I know but I dont know what to do for the best. Admit to female friend Ive messed up and forgot I was going away? and risk losing her as I dont think she'll believe me or cancel my male friend?
Why not fit both of them into your schedule at the same time?
Like maybe you can spend Saturday with your male friend and then Sunday with your female friend?
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