Thinking of removing myself from my adult children's lives

[KayKay]

Originally Posted by Wandarlust

So, here we are 4 years later and nothing has really changed. My youngest has had her second child and chose my oldest and her family to come up from out of state and stay with there first child while she was in the hospital. While I live an hour away. Go figure. While there, they never made any attempt to see me. This was in June. My oldest is visiting my youngest again right now. The only reason I know is b/c there are pictures posted on FB. Sigh! In the meantime, my sil says I should go to counseling to improve the relationship. It helped her, blahl, blah, blah. I'm not sure why it is I who should go to counseling.

Her and my sister see their kids who are local all the time. They also have the money to help them if they so choose. I do not. (My sil paid for her adult daughter to travel with her many times and her kids). they are both much closer with their kids and seem to think it odd that I'm not. Not that I wouldn't like to be closer and see my kids more, but remarks are made from time to time. Suggestions of what I should do, etc. Always sharing the details of their dinners with their kids, what this one did that one did, etc. I feel as if I'm being taunted for my meager relationship with my kids in addition to feeling like I'm left out of my own kids lives.

Ready to tell them all, kids and my siblings alike, to take a flying leap.

Welcome back Wandarlust! I'm so sorry to hear things haven't improved.

This is such a painful situation and I don't blame you for being hurt.

I'm actually going to second your SIL's advice to go to counseling, but for a different reason. You seeking counseling is not likely to improve the relationship (unless your daughters avoid you because you're toxic for some reason, but it doesn't seem like that's the case) but what it MAY help with is focusing your efforts on your own happiness.

"What you focus on grows, what you think about expands, and what you dwell upon determines your destiny." ~ Robin Sharma

Do you have any hobbies you love? Do you do any volunteer work that you find meaningful? What gets you out of bed every day?

It doesn't sound like you're sitting around waiting for your phone to ring, but do you have things that bring you joy that you can mentally use to push out the hurt when you see the pictures posted on FB?

I volunteer at a nursing home once per week. Seeing the patients' faces light up when they see a visitor (and for some of them, they meet me for the first time every week) makes me feel ten feet tall. Do you have anything like that?

[Wandarlust]

Originally Posted by KayKay

Welcome back Wandarlust! I'm so sorry to hear things haven't improved.

This is such a painful situation and I don't blame you for being hurt.

I'm actually going to second your SIL's advice to go to counseling, but for a different reason. You seeking counseling is not likely to improve the relationship (unless your daughters avoid you because you're toxic for some reason, but it doesn't seem like that's the case) but what it MAY help with is focusing your efforts on your own happiness.



Do you have any hobbies you love? Do you do any volunteer work that you find meaningful? What gets you out of bed every day?

It doesn't sound like you're sitting around waiting for your phone to ring, but do you have things that bring you joy that you can mentally use to push out the hurt when you see the pictures posted on FB?

I volunteer at a nursing home once per week. Seeing the patients' faces light up when they see a visitor (and for some of them, they meet me for the first time every week) makes me feel ten feet tall. Do you have anything like that?

Not really. But I have been meaning to do try and find something to get into. Book clubs and volunteering are good choices/suggestions.

I am also thinking about getting off of social media. Everyone who's anything to me has my phone number and can easily reach me if they want to. It is really sad that this is the case and I know they're father would not want this. But, I really don't know what else to do.

[snafu]

((Hugs))