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Old December 19th, 2008, 05:38 PM
starwolf8989 starwolf8989 is offline
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Question How to deal with a guy who's been abused...

ok, so i like this guy, and he tells me he's had a lot of abusive relationships (emotional and physical). and we've kissed and hugged, and became a little intimate, but when i asked him where we stand, we are both confused. i want to be patient with him, and let him warm up to being in a relationship with me.
i just want some tips and pointers on how to deal with people who have been abused.
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Old August 20th, 2009, 05:42 AM
Fishman Fishman is offline
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Re: How to deal with a guy who's been abused...

if you really like him and want to be with him, give him some time, he will come around.
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Old July 15th, 2010, 06:28 PM
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sandyxrs sandyxrs is offline
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Re: How to deal with a guy who's been abused...

Hi
I was abused by parents and ex husband, I just want to say that stand by him if you do love him, Allow him to see you love him, Tell him daily that you love and care for him..
The main two things he will be looking for are going to be security that you are not going to hurt him or cause him harm..
And he will be looking to be loved, But he will be scared of being loved,
If you do love him, Then stand by him, With time things will change,
He will see that you are there for him and how mush you love him! I came out of a abusive marriage, Been divorced for 9 years, Been with current boyfriend for 7 years,
It will take time, He will need alot of love and understanding, In the end he will see how much you love and care for him!
My boyfriend has shown me that I had the right to be loved, So by that alone your boyfriend if he feels the way I did he will feel he does not deserve love. In his heart he knows what he wants as I did with my current boyfriend, Just tpook a while to see that what I needed was right in front of me!
Just be patient tell him how you feel about him, praise him for what he does, He will have a fear of intemacy, i did took 3 years to go all the way with current boyfriend,
Just be there for him allow him to know that you do love him!
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Old August 27th, 2010, 07:28 PM
Oinkles
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Re: How to deal with a guy who's been abused...

Quote:
Originally Posted by starwolf8989 View Post
ok, so i like this guy, and he tells me he's had a lot of abusive relationships (emotional and physical). and we've kissed and hugged, and became a little intimate, but when i asked him where we stand, we are both confused. i want to be patient with him, and let him warm up to being in a relationship with me.
i just want some tips and pointers on how to deal with people who have been abused.

For someone who has been through the shredder, they are going to need bucketfuls of patience, tolerance and loving understanding. Unless his parents or guardian saw fit to get him counselling, he may be needing professional help that I'm afraid to say you might not be able to provide. My advice is take your time with him and not get too intimate. Not to begin with.

It would be good to discuss with each other where you both stand in either wanting a platonic relationship to begin with, and see how it goes while he gets more confident in himself with you. Bear in mind he's probably been emotionally hurt. He could even be on the rebound - and your friendship fails because of mixed feelings and confusion conflicting with the past. If anything, let your friendship deepen. For if you are to be worthy of each other's love, anything intimate will keep.
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