my daughter with yet ANOTHER LOSER

[mrspots777]

Since she was 15 all she's ever been interested in is losers with no jobs. No money etc. I won't go into details. I know I'm to blame for a portion of it because I'm her mother. Now she is 20 n with the worst loser of them all. She knew I hated her Marilyn Manson wanna be boyfriend but she didn't care. I'm always being told the parents are to blame because they did this or didn't do that. I've been in my daughters corner since she was born n its almost as if she resents me for being a good mom. So she exaggerates small arguments do she can have it in her head I am a bad mother. This guy really has her trained. He takes over her cell phone n talks as if he is her to her family members n friends. She just let's him upset everyone because she doesn't care. Every word she speaks ALWAYS has to be about him n half the time I'm not sure its even her that I am talking to. He got out of prison for assault n drugs about a year ago. Has been in heroine. He has brought nothing good to her life n they only been dating 6 months!!! But she acts as if it's been years. She has list her mind n I'm tired if hearing the same replies saying "ignore it or accept it because she us an adult at 20" well all good n easy to say when it isn't YOUR daughter. I would stoop To any level just about (besides murder) to break them up. Advice that's different? I cry hard almost every single night

[LucyVanPelt]

"Birds of a feather flock together."

If her boyfriend is into drugs, your daughter may be as well. You say you're willing to do anything. Drug test her. Tests are available at the local drug store. If it comes out positive, contact a local drug treatment center or narcanon and get professional help with this. You may still have to accept that you are powerless to change your daughter, but you will learn new skills in dealing with her.

I'm sorry you are going through this.

[Knot2loud]

There's something to be said that a parent is only as happy as their unhappiest child. I feel your pain - my youngest was pretty radical and rebelious. She hung out with the fast crowd and got involved in drugs and losers. It was all mom and dads fault too. We had to let her go. It was horrible... about eight years of horrible. THe BS she put us through. The soul searching my wife and I did and wondering what we did wrong. Counselors, psychologists, arguments, relationship issues...

I'm going to recommend YOU see a minister, counselor or family psychologist for yourself. Neither of the later are that expensive and most insurances cover at least a portion of it for a few sessions. I know you're blaming yourself even though you know you were a good parent. This mental anguish you're going through will only grow if you don't do something about it. Trust me, I know. It came close to destroying my marriage - and I thought we could withstand anything.

There is hope. There is always hope. First, you need to help yourself. You need the support and counseling from someone who can explain some of this dilemma to you. And you need to know that you are NOT the one to blame.

Your daughter has made bad choices.

[Cremebrulee]

Originally Posted by Knot2loud

There's something to be said that a parent is only as happy as their unhappiest child. I feel your pain - my youngest was pretty radical and rebelious. She hung out with the fast crowd and got involved in drugs and losers. It was all mom and dads fault too. We had to let her go. It was horrible... about eight years of horrible. THe BS she put us through. The soul searching my wife and I did and wondering what we did wrong. Counselors, psychologists, arguments, relationship issues...

I'm going to recommend YOU see a minister, counselor or family psychologist for yourself. Neither of the later are that expensive and most insurances cover at least a portion of it for a few sessions. I know you're blaming yourself even though you know you were a good parent. This mental anguish you're going through will only grow if you don't do something about it. Trust me, I know. It came close to destroying my marriage - and I thought we could withstand anything.

There is hope. There is always hope. First, you need to help yourself. You need the support and counseling from someone who can explain some of this dilemma to you. And you need to know that you are NOT the one to blame.

Your daughter has made bad choices.

This was firm solid and heartfelt advice....please both of you, don't beat yourselves up or allow it to come between your wives and yourselves.

Years ago, I worked Construction, and a very dear friend, who was my boss at the time, asked me, how, families can have 3 - 5 kids, and one turns out rebellious and just plain bad? My answer was...."God thought you needed a little excitement in your life". He smiled and said yeah, and knew all along which one he was referring to. His wife and I were best friends.

It is nothing any parent does wrong...it just simply is...and no one can give you an answer....but you must know, both of you and your wives, that you did your very best at the time....and honestly, that is all we can do...or ever do, our best at that point in time. So, don't allow it to define you or change what you and your wives feel for each other....because like my dear son said to me once..."don't drive yourself crazy looking for answers, b/c sometimes we never get answers, and all we can do is move forward and continue to learn, love and do the best that we can do!"

Mrspotts, please come back and let us know how your doing...sending positive vibes your way.