Son moved back home - DDIL kicked him out

[LucyVanPelt]

Originally Posted by trixxie

Is Elaine still around?

She left the forum, but I see her on Facebook. She's doing very well and looks very happy.

What is Divorce Busting?

Divorce Busting is a counseling/support system based on a book of the same title. It's written by a woman with the intent to empower women to save their marriages and heal the damage caused by cheating. The focus isn't on fixing one's partner, but on fixing oneself. When one person changes, the other person reacts by changing, too.

You can put Divorce Busting in a search engine and read some on it. I don't recommend paying the high price for their counselors, but it's a start until a pro-marriage marriage counselor is found.

[trixxie]

I am Switzerland, I am Switzerland...

However, my DH said to DS as he left this AM for work - "call your wife and apologize"

Evidently DH is part of the UN.

Perhaps in the next few days; sanctions?

[KayKay]

Originally Posted by trixxie

Evidently DH is part of the UN.

Perhaps in the next few days; sanctions?

Ah, but Switzerland probably realizes an apology isn't what DDIL needs. If DDIL says your DS needs an epiphany, it sounds like she needs behavior to change going forward.

All is not lost. The UN maintains offices in Geneva.

[trixxie]

DDIL texted me - about a shopping trip - no mention of DS.

I kinda wanna know what happened - but I don't want to think ill of either of them. OR take sides.. being Switzerland is difficult at times.

I understand that there was an attempt to speak with DDIL - but the reach-out was rebuffed.

sigh. I just don't want things around here getting too comfortable - you know?

We haven't said anything to DS sibling - thoughts on that?

[LucyVanPelt]

Originally Posted by trixxie

We haven't said anything to DS sibling - thoughts on that?

It's not your news to tell. Let him tell it when and how he wants to tell it.

If DDIL wants to go shopping, go. If she brings up the situation, and you can listen actively without giving your opinion or getting emotionally involved, listen. If you can't (I know I couldn't), then simply tell her that you know she needs to talk, but you're too close to the situation to listen.

The reach-out may have been rebuffed because DDIL wants to see ACTION, no more talk. But, you are Switzerland do you're not judging what they are doing.

You can, however, set up rules for your DS. If he's boarding there, then he should be treated like a boarder. How much is he paying for room and board?

[trixxie]

DS went home - DDIL and I didn't go shopping. I am hoping that they are working on their relationship.

If he was going to be home longer than a week, I would charge like 50 bucks or so a week.

As a side note, I found a letter that this DS wrote in his HS senior year. It was hilarious from the fact he didn't want his Mom and Dad to charge him rent..

I agree with you - it's not my story to tell. It would appear to be gossip versus news.

[LucyVanPelt]

DS went home? Yay!!! I hope it works out for them.

[trixxie]

Me too - so far so good.

[rattlesnake]

Hello Trixxie.

I'm reading here because I am having issues with my adult DS as well. I posted in the Grandparents forum since it involved his kids.

My DS is 29 and I don't know why he never grew up or followed my examples in life. It is hard not to blame oneself, especially when others out there like to blame mothers for things...telling me I spoiled him as he was the baby. I don't think he was any more spoiled than the next kid, but somehow he grew up very selfish, entitled, and irresponsible.

My DS does not live with me but I have most certainly been enabling him to live above his means in his "own house" for the past three years since his wife left him. I can relate that you feel your DS is doing your DIL wrong. My DS did not cheat; in fact xDIL cheated on him. I will never defend that, nor the lies and turmoil that followed soon after she left him. But I do understand why she was not happy with DS. I understand all too well. :'(

And after what we have been through over the past 3 years I'm shocked to hear myself say it but if they were in a court battle for custody, I don't really see myself siding with my DS at this point (they currently have 50/50). I sure hope your DS and his wife work things out.

[Knot2loud]

Your DS is a man and he made a choice. It's easier to blame the parents, others or chance than to accept responsibility for the bad decisions he makes.

I'm for choosing battles and tough love. The world is a PITA to live in and everyone is responsible for their own choices and/or decisions. I have no objection to helping out when someone is in over their head due to circumstances they can't control, but to blatantly make a bad choice to avoid responsibility. No, I draw the line there. I've paid the piper due to my own bad decisions in my life. That doesn't say I won't offer advice from my own experiences or knowledge, but that requires an open mind and an ability to willingly listen to advice. Unfortunately, more times than not, the receiver is to arrogant to listen or just simply doesn't want to do anything about the problem.

You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink.

By the way... You're a great grand parent!!!