53yo mom acts like a defiant teenager.

[SarcasmAndRainbows]

So I didn’t really know if I should put this in Parents or Adult Children but I feel it’s more appropriate here.

My mom is 53 and just moved back in with her mom, my grandmother.

A little back history my moms been a single mom with little involvement from either my father or my brothers. She’s used this as a “disability” and a reason for her parents to help her financially, not just here or there but her whole entire life up to present day.

We are both grown at this point, I’m 28 and he’s 23 but she has yet to go back to work, I haven’t lived with her since I was 21 and my brother has been moved out for almost a year now. She’s had the ability to go back to work since we were teens and no longer required constant supervision.

Her excuses now are that she’s too fat, doesn’t have teeth (she would spend money given to fix them on other things and never took care of herself) and also that at this point she could never go back to working for someone.

She’s been living with my grandmother since August now and my grandmother is pretty unhappy.

My mom rarely cleans and asking her to clean results in her yelling, screaming and name calling.
My mom rarely helps my grandmother with the things she needs help with like changing her sheets, washing clothes and meal prep since my grandmother is 78/79.
She brought our family dog with her that we got when I was 17 and doesn’t bathe him enough or sweep up his hair enough. My grandmother has had dogs before but she keeps her house clean. As do I and one of my dogs is 101lbs and sheds like a mofo. We even bought her a Kong scrubby, dog shampoo and a $40 brush. She doesn’t use them.
Her room is always gross.
She stays up all hours of the night in her room playing video games on her computer. Either laughing loudly or cussing at people.
Not to mention she lives on a diet of Mountain Dew and Advil.

It’s like dealing with a defiant 14 year old boy.

My grandmother can’t make her listen and she treats me like absolute crap because my grandmother loves spending time with me.

My grandmother doesn’t ask for much. She wants the kitchen kept clean, her stuff cleaned once a week like her room and sheets and wants the dog hair kept up. It’s really not a lot. Like maybe 2-3 hours of work maybe 2 days a week.

My mom has always had everything paid for her. Rent, food, cell phones, whatever she needed her parents have paid for.

Right now my grandmother is supplying shelter, food, let’s my mom use the cable and internet free of charge and my moms dad is still paying for her phone, her car insurance, registration, gas, etc.

If she can’t fix her life I think she needs to at least fix her attitude. She calls her mom a “slave driver” because she wants light cleaning done. She gets hostile and screams as loud as she can at people. Blame everyone for her issues and habitually lies. She told my grandmother because she was angry at me that years ago my boyfriend and I went to sex parties, when in reality we were with friends smoking marijuana and drinking. Which isn’t unusual for two twenty somethings to go do. She told the whole family that once left a Waffle House with a strange man and went home with him. I had my friends drop me off at my boyfriends after grabbing food. She’s always tried to make me out to be as if I don’t have my crap together.

She really needs to be more grateful for all she had paid for her and she needs to stop being so hostile to everyone in the family.

We suspect mental illness but can’t make her see a doctor and have no idea what specifically is her issue. Luckily she doesn’t drink or use drugs so I feel pretty fortunate at least we aren’t dealing with substance abuse issues as well. She does smoke cigarettes. I don’t even know where to start but something has to give because my mom can’t keep sucking her parents dry like she is.
I also, as time goes on, have more and more difficulty hiding my anger and annoyance towards her behavior.

Has anyone dealt with anyone like this before and what can be done?

[snafu]

Don't do it! It sounds like hell. Have you tried calling elder services?


BTW my mom lives with my family. If you have kids or a partner don't put them thru hell.

[KayKay]

I'm going to lock this thread since you have it posted in the Parent's Forum as well. snafu answered there too, so you won't lose any answers and that way people can see other answers you have gotten.