A question regarding never married/no children individuals

[Wandarlust]

I will start by saying that I spent the majority of my adult life married with children. We therefore naturally spent a lot of time around other married couples, with children.

Since my husband's passing close to 11 years ago, I've moved into an apt. complex with mostly singles. Didn't choose it for that reason, it's just the way it worked out. Most are younger as you can expect. But I've run into two individuals, a man and a woman, both in their early to mid 60's, who have either never been married or had a very brief marriage. Neither has children. Now, I've known many married couples who did not have children but I honestly don't believe I've ever really known anyone who was never married or never had kids.

After interacting with them for a while I've noticed what I conceive as an incredible, almost odd self interest. Most of the time they talk about themselves, their past, what they're doing, what their goals are, what they did last week, last night, etc. Rarely do they ask questions of others such as "What have you been up to?", etc. And their parents. They seem to have unusual attachments to their parents. The woman has even remarked that she wishes she had never moved out of her parent's house. Really? And they have no problem turning down invites, etc., that don't interest them in favor of what they want to do. Sometimes it borders on rude. LOL I've decided that it comes from a lifetime of never having anyone that meant more to them than their selves and I find it rather off-putting and sad, really.

Now, if this is them, that's fine. I don't do anything with them anymore anyway, but has anyone else experienced this? Or maybe it's just unusual to me. Neither of them had a high-powered career to sink themselves into either.

[LucyVanPelt]

I know several people who have never married, never had children. One is my mentor, and she never talks about herself at all. She will share stories, but she always asks about and listens to other people's stories.

My Aunt and Uncle never had children. They talk about themselves a lot, but that's what they have to talk about when I talk about my children.

And I have an uncle who was married with children, and all he talks about is himself. Married, never married, children, no children? I don't think it matters. Some people are just self-absorbed.

[Wandarlust]

Originally Posted by LucyVanPelt

I know several people who have never married, never had children. One is my mentor, and she never talks about herself at all. She will share stories, but she always asks about and listens to other people's stories.

My Aunt and Uncle never had children. They talk about themselves a lot, but that's what they have to talk about when I talk about my children.

And I have an uncle who was married with children, and all he talks about is himself. Married, never married, children, no children? I don't think it matters. Some people are just self-absorbed.

You are probably right. There are most likely many self-absorbed people regardless of their life situation. I also wondered many times if they got sick of hearing about mine and other people's kids, marriages, blah, blah, blah. But I still think the two in question are unusually self interested.

[Annsdil]

I don't think self interest is necessarily a bad thing. It's not to the detriment of others around them as they have no kids or other people dependant on them. I think it's wonderful they do what they want to do when they want to do it because they can. For the same reasons above they are not necessarily selfish because they are not putting their needs above dependants.

They may be self absorbed and it may be a bit annoying if they just talk about themselves over say if you were a friend who was reaching out to them for some help out advice. But it doesn't sound like you are. Sounds like they are in their own bubbles.

My mum had a friend. A lovely elderly lady who'd remained a spinster and lived with her mother until her mother died then took over her house. She went all over the world right up to her late 80's or early 90's (never would reveal her true age! ). She'd worked, paid into the system until her retirement and lived how she chose without affecting anyone else. She was also very generous. She passed away a couple of years ago. It's a wonderful thing to be able to be your authentic self and live your life as such.

[Wandarlust]

Originally Posted by Annsdil

I don't think self interest is necessarily a bad thing. It's not to the detriment of others around them as they have no kids or other people dependant on them. I think it's wonderful they do what they want to do when they want to do it because they can. For the same reasons above they are not necessarily selfish because they are not putting their needs above dependants.

They may be self absorbed and it may be a bit annoying if they just talk about themselves over say if you were a friend who was reaching out to them for some help out advice. But it doesn't sound like you are. Sounds like they are in their own bubbles.

My mum had a friend. A lovely elderly lady who'd remained a spinster and lived with her mother until her mother died then took over her house. She went all over the world right up to her late 80's or early 90's (never would reveal her true age! ). She'd worked, paid into the system until her retirement and lived how she chose without affecting anyone else. She was also very generous. She passed away a couple of years ago. It's a wonderful thing to be able to be your authentic self and live your life as such.

Well putting your interests first isn't always bad, agreed. Being as my kids are grown now and gone, I do a lot of that myself. But, the descriptions I'm seeing here don't come close to describing these two! I assure you neither one is travelling the world or travelling at all, for that matter. They do their own, less extravagant things, lets say. And one of them is extremely nosy. I probably didn't describe them well enough. No matter, I'm convinced that it's probably just the way they are and would be no matter what their situation. Thanks anyway for the comments.

[Mr Eko]

I've never been married, and have no kids. The thing that people don't understand is, not everyone is that fortunate. It wasn't my choice to stay single all of my life. Nothing ever worked out for me relationship wise. I catch a ton of criticism (not from anyone here) for still being single at my age, which is 43. However, my brother and ex-sister-in-law have kids. They have both said, in so many words, that neither of them want to be parents. So, who raises the kids? My parents and me!! It's just funny to me that people give me so much grief for still being single, yet I help raise children whose biological parents did not want them. And my brother and ex-sister-in-law are constantly praised, despite their sorry way of life. They are both in their mid 30's and act like high school kids. My ex-sister-in-law actually slept with a guy who is still in high school! The dude is 18, so nothing illegal about it, but still, something is just wrong with that. Self absorbed describes my nieces' parents to a tee!

[KayKay]

Mr Eko, my brother was 45 when he got married. He now has 4 kids. He couldn't have found a better wife than he did, so we're all glad he waited for her.

[snafu]

I think it depends on what they have going on in their lives .... my DM (sigh) not much as she's limited due to health

my MIL is very active


that plays into conversation as the give and take in a conversation is a skill.... just like any skill it becomes rusty with disuse.

[Tjb31]

I can relate to your post x