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  #51  
Old April 15th, 2011, 10:08 AM
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KayKay KayKay is offline
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Re: Need help: My relationship with my parents

Hi DaughterMW! Good to see you!!

So your mom is "behaving" but nothing has changed except she's laying low now that there aren't any holidays coming up. Oh wait, Mother's Day!

Quote:
* I haven't apologized (even though I said multiple times that I felt really bad)
So you have apologized but she hasn't chosen to accept your apology. That's on her. (With a caveat that you do need to give a sincere, "real" apology. Unless you really don't mean it - Then, IMHO you should't give it.)

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* I haven't spent money on changing my flight (she knows how much money I got back in tax refunds and tells me I can afford it)
Your mother shouldn't know how much money you got back in tax refunds. That one's on you. If you hadn't told her, she couldn't be complaining.


Quote:
* I didn't offer to come over to their house as soon as I return (my flight returns at 7:00 p.m.)
What exactly did she want you to do at her house at that time of evening? Unpack, do a load of laundry, and get ready for work the next day? That's selfish of her, and that's on her.


Quote:
* I'm only willing to do things that are convenient to my schedule. (I had suggested two alternative dates and activities to celebrate Mother's Day, but she said no.)
Well that's just her pouting and being unreasonable. That's on her. Don't feel guilty for that one. Bravo to you for trying to accomodate both of your schedules.

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* I'm not telling the truth about it being an accident because every single calendar says it's Mother's Day.
Um, not on my calendar on my phone. Wow, you dare have a different calendar than the kind she uses? Awful, awful. Accusing you of lying is unnecessary. That's on her.

Gosh. I'm making a list of things-not-to-expect-of-my-children. (And you know what? My kids are teenagers living at home and I don't expect them to do anything at all for Mother's Day! LOL)
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  #52  
Old April 15th, 2011, 12:00 PM
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Re: Need help: My relationship with my parents

Sound like your DM is a graduate of "Our Lady Martyr, the patron saint of guilt trips"

If I remember correctly you were going to counciling at one point - I think your DM is kind of like my not so DF (deceased)

If mom had a repairman fix something, he'd "3itch" about the person she'd hired...she should have used ____. The next time she used ____, the man HE said she should have hired - guess what DM was still wrong - she should have known that ____ was no good and she should have used ____ (a different person).

DM dropped the rope - next time ____ needed to be fixed she didn't do a thing

My suggestion to you is drop the rope - you know (maybe not in your heart yet) that nothing you do - short of letting you DM dictate your life - is never going to be good enough for your mom (((hugs)))
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  #53  
Old April 15th, 2011, 12:53 PM
DaughterMW DaughterMW is offline
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Re: Need help: My relationship with my parents

Hi, Kay Kay and snafu! Nice to see you again!

First, regarding counseling, we went back in January after my brother confronted my mom about her behavior. The counselor said that my mom seemed to have control issues and that sibling relationships are different than parent/sibling relationships. In other words, I get to talk to my brother about our parents. My mom said that she never wanted to go back. (Big surprise.)

Yes, I do know at this point that nothing I ever do will be good enough for her ever again. I said as much today on the phone when she called again to complain about Mother's Day--that I know she'll never give me the benefit of the doubt and that I'm not good enough. I think all I can do at this point is to make the conscious decision to live my life as I see fit (which, really, is quite responsible!) because I can't let her dictate my every action and decision. That's how *I* choose to move forward. She needs to choose how she moves forward, and there's nothing I can do about that. So, if her not accepting this means she misses out on parts of my life, I think that's her choice. That doesn't mean I'm happy about that, but there's not much I can do about it.

Is that naive?

P.S. Kay Kay, she knows about my tax refund because she is my CPA. (I don't think I should continue this next year.) But yes, that is my fault! I just didn't appreciate being told how I should spend my money, especially when it's only to benefit her.
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  #54  
Old April 15th, 2011, 01:16 PM
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Re: Need help: My relationship with my parents

No, it's not naive. You're doing your best by her. She's the one who's messing up. By the way, are you still seeing the guy she was so irate about?

P.S. I'm a CPA, and I have promptly "forgotten" all tax information about my family members for whom I have prepared returns immediately upon completion. I owe them the same professionalism they expect from me, and I wouldn't tell any other clients how to handle their money.
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  #55  
Old April 16th, 2011, 08:43 AM
DaughterMW DaughterMW is offline
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Re: Need help: My relationship with my parents

Yes, I am still seeing this man, and I'm happy with how things are going. I'm just sad that my parents don't even care to know his name. They've never asked.

You're a good CPA, KayKay!
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  #56  
Old July 14th, 2011, 02:12 PM
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Re: Need help: My relationship with my parents

if you fill good with yourself then do what you want.
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