Go Back   Friends and Family Forum > The Family Forum > In-laws

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1  
Old July 25th, 2009, 11:20 PM
LadyLove's Avatar
LadyLove LadyLove is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Illinois
Posts: 342
LadyLove will become famous soon enough
Angry MIL Invited Me to a Shower

Since my BIL is getting married next month, MIL is throwing his Fiance a bridal shower (I thought that it was improper for the mother of the bride or the mother of the groom to throw a shower but my wedding etiquette may be wrong. Correct me if I am). I didn't expect to be invited but I came across the invitation while shuffling through the mail last week.

This might sound ridiculous but I cried when I read the invitiation because MIL put in big bold pink letters I AM THROWING THIS SHOWER WITH LOTS OF LOVE FOR MY FUTURE DAUGHTER-IN-LAW. This topic resurfaced such sad memories because MIL was so mean to me when I was getting married.

A few weeks before my wedding day my mother's friend threw me a bridal shower and sent MIL an invitation. When MIL recieved it she had a fit because 12 of her friends and other relatives were not invited. Ironically, the shower was held in a condo which was smaller than a matchbox so the hostess wanted to keep the guest list at 15 people. My hubby gave the hostess a list of ladies he wanted her to invite: his mother, his 2 aunts, and his SIL, Peaches. MIL said that hubby should have consulted her first before giving out the addresses. She called the hostess of the shower and cussed her out when she refused to change the location of the shower to make it bigger to include her dozen friends. MIL also tried to impose ideas of how she wanted the shower to be. The hostess apologized to MIL and explained to her that her 12 friends and relatives should not feel offended for not being invited and that maybe we could all get together another time (I did not know MIL so I had no idea who she was dear friends with so it wasn't personal; at the time I had enough trouble getting acquainted with the family. LoL). MIL was furious and hung up on her. MIL showed up to my shower with an attitude and sat in a corner being anti-social. A week later her sister threw me a shower where MIL and her entourage sat and criticized me as if I were not in the room hearing it.

A part of me is happy that MIL isn't treating her new future DIL the way that she treated me (FYI: I am the middle DIL; I am married to her baby son). Ever since I married my husband, MIL NEVER invites me to any family functions such as birthday dinners, Christmases, Easters, etc. She acts as though I do nto exist. I truly believe that she invited me to this shower as a way to rub in the fact that she likes this girl better. Or maybe it just feels that way since I know that she doesnt like me.

What I do not get is how MIL doesn't call to see how my children are doing (she never visits) and why are we not included in holiday get togethers? And now all of a sudden I am getting an invittion to a bridal shower that she is throwing in honor of her new DIL? Does MIL really think that I am going to attend this function when she doesn't even try to get to know her son's family (me and the kids)?

I will not go but I will be a sport and send a gift even though the bride-to-be doesnt deserve it.
Reply With Quote
  #2  
Old July 25th, 2009, 11:27 PM
LadyLove's Avatar
LadyLove LadyLove is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Illinois
Posts: 342
LadyLove will become famous soon enough
Re: MIL Invited Me to a Shower

I just realized that this thread should probably be posted in the in-law section...if anyone talks to a mod today please remind them to switch it over. Thanxxx.
Reply With Quote
  #3  
Old July 26th, 2009, 06:53 AM
LucyVanPelt's Avatar
LucyVanPelt LucyVanPelt is offline
Moderator
 
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 9,556
LucyVanPelt has a reputation beyond reputeLucyVanPelt has a reputation beyond reputeLucyVanPelt has a reputation beyond reputeLucyVanPelt has a reputation beyond reputeLucyVanPelt has a reputation beyond reputeLucyVanPelt has a reputation beyond repute
Re: MIL Invited Me to a Shower

I suspect MIL just sent the invitation as a way to push your buttons.

Ignore the obvious evil intentions on your MIL's part. You'll deprive her of any jollies she may get from hurting you. Definitely be a good sport and send a nice gift.
Reply With Quote
  #4  
Old July 26th, 2009, 06:48 PM
KayKay's Avatar
KayKay KayKay is offline
Moderator
 
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Texas
Posts: 16,239
KayKay has a reputation beyond reputeKayKay has a reputation beyond reputeKayKay has a reputation beyond reputeKayKay has a reputation beyond reputeKayKay has a reputation beyond repute
Re: MIL Invited Me to a Shower

LL, that was pure-dee mean, hurtful, and DELIBERATE. I'm sorry. It's mind-boggling that adults would act that way.

I'm glad you aren't going to stoop to that level. Does the bride-to-be have a shower registry? If it were me, I'd buy something off of the registry... she can't complain about the gift if you do (and she would complain otherwise) and you won't be hurt by her lack of gratitude for a gift you thoughtfully purchased.

I don't understand why your IL's play these games with you. It's clear that they don't like you... why do they invite you just so they can treat you like dirt?
__________________
Expecto Patronum!
Reply With Quote
  #5  
Old July 27th, 2009, 02:26 PM
LadyLove's Avatar
LadyLove LadyLove is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Illinois
Posts: 342
LadyLove will become famous soon enough
Re: MIL Invited Me to a Shower

Quote:
Originally Posted by KayKay View Post
LL, that was pure-dee mean, hurtful, and DELIBERATE. I'm sorry. It's mind-boggling that adults would act that way.

I'm glad you aren't going to stoop to that level. Does the bride-to-be have a shower registry? If it were me, I'd buy something off of the registry... she can't complain about the gift if you do (and she would complain otherwise) and you won't be hurt by her lack of gratitude for a gift you thoughtfully purchased.

I don't understand why your IL's play these games with you. It's clear that they don't like you... why do they invite you just so they can treat you like dirt?
The strange thing about the invitation was that it did not say To LadyLove and a Guest. Usually, I think that it is fair to invite a person along with a guest. So, in this case, I was invited to attend alone without my husband, mother or best friend. My husband thinks that this was done on purpose so that if I went then they would pick on me...doesn't it sound like high school? LoL.
Reply With Quote
  #6  
Old July 27th, 2009, 03:24 PM
KayKay's Avatar
KayKay KayKay is offline
Moderator
 
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Texas
Posts: 16,239
KayKay has a reputation beyond reputeKayKay has a reputation beyond reputeKayKay has a reputation beyond reputeKayKay has a reputation beyond reputeKayKay has a reputation beyond repute
Re: MIL Invited Me to a Shower

Is it a women-only shower? I've been invited to many bridal/baby showers without "and guest" since it was just for women.
__________________
Expecto Patronum!
Reply With Quote
  #7  
Old July 27th, 2009, 04:43 PM
LadyLove's Avatar
LadyLove LadyLove is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Illinois
Posts: 342
LadyLove will become famous soon enough
Re: MIL Invited Me to a Shower

Quote:
Originally Posted by KayKay View Post
Is it a women-only shower? I've been invited to many bridal/baby showers without "and guest" since it was just for women.
That is understandable if you are aquainted with the group of women. Being that I dont really know the Bride-to-be (and what I do know is not worth associating with) and I am not close to my in-laws it makes sense to allow a guest to attend along with me. Why would I want to go alone? It would be difficult to mingle and I'm pretty sure that if I dared to go I would just be sitting there.
Reply With Quote
  #8  
Old July 27th, 2009, 05:15 PM
LucyVanPelt's Avatar
LucyVanPelt LucyVanPelt is offline
Moderator
 
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 9,556
LucyVanPelt has a reputation beyond reputeLucyVanPelt has a reputation beyond reputeLucyVanPelt has a reputation beyond reputeLucyVanPelt has a reputation beyond reputeLucyVanPelt has a reputation beyond reputeLucyVanPelt has a reputation beyond repute
Re: MIL Invited Me to a Shower

Quote:
Originally Posted by KayKay View Post
Is it a women-only shower? I've been invited to many bridal/baby showers without "and guest" since it was just for women.

This has been my experience, too, even when I didn't know anyone except the guest of honor. I've never received a shower invitation with "and guest." I did address a few that way, but they were older ladies who did not drive and didn't have someone else on the guest list who could. I didn't want them to decline because of that, so I added "and guest" assuming they would have a relative or friend that I did not know bring them.
Reply With Quote
  #9  
Old July 30th, 2009, 10:31 AM
LadyLove's Avatar
LadyLove LadyLove is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Illinois
Posts: 342
LadyLove will become famous soon enough
Re: MIL Invited Me to a Shower

Is there any way to politely be asked to be removed from my in-laws' mailing list without sounding mean, bitter, or rude???

This isn't the first time that my in-laws invite me to an event that requires that I bring a gift. Otherwise, I have not been included in anniversary parties, Christmases, birthday parties, or any holiday or family event.

I would rather not recieve anything from them because 1) I know that it is not a sincere invitation. 2) There is a lot of hostility between the families. 3) They've made it clear that I am not welcomed.

They have actually Christened me with the title "The Outsider". When they speak of me they use this term and it upsets me because they do not have the decency to refer to me by my name. One of my hubby's cousins told me that she overheard them speaking of me in such a hateful way that she felt the need to pick up the phone and inform me!!!

So, is there a good way to stop contact via mail? I see no reason for "The Outsider" to be invited to anything. Because they certainly do not call us and I never hear from them via emails. (Thank goodness!)
Reply With Quote
  #10  
Old July 30th, 2009, 11:22 AM
Another Disheartened DIL's Avatar
Another Disheartened DIL Another Disheartened DIL is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Texas
Posts: 422
Another Disheartened DIL is on a distinguished road
Re: MIL Invited Me to a Shower

LadyLove,

I think if I were in your shoes I would either:

1) Send my regrets for every invite. Don't provide any explanation-just that you are unavailable. If you feel it's not a sincere invite, then don't waste time or energy worrying over it.

2) Ignore it.

3) "Return to Sender" the invite without ever opening it. Eventually, they would either call to find out why their mail isn't making it to your home, or they'll get the point and quit wasting the postage and paper.
__________________
I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
~Rita Rudner
Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Forum Jump


All times are GMT -7. The time now is 08:06 PM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.7.3
Copyright ©2000 - 2019, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Copyright 2007, The BlueSparks Network