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Old September 2nd, 2016, 11:06 PM
Catwoman Catwoman is offline
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Question Engaged after 7 months

What do you think?....my friend came over today to tell me she is engaged after meeting a guy in Feb and has been engaged for 2 weeks now. She is 30 and he is 32.They have never lived together and still don't , they are dating and he is in another country working coming back soon, although he does live here where we live. I'm just a bit worried as she's a girl who rushes things with guys as shes told me,so its a bit worrying.She lost her partner 4.5 years ago in a accident and she wasn't completely happy with him.It was very traumatic when he died as he was a family friend of ours too. She then went through a few guys and none of them turned out well with messy breakups,and they only lasted a couple of months each time.She said she's really happy,and I'm happy for her,I just hope it works out for her. What do you think about it...interesting huh???
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Old September 3rd, 2016, 05:41 AM
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LucyVanPelt LucyVanPelt is offline
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Re: Engaged after 7 months

Hey, Catwoman. I had wondered where you'd been!

The rational side of me says not to rush. Her history, the distance, the short-term relationship all say that this is probably not a good idea.

But then the romantic side says this can work. I have a friend who just celebrated 35 years of a good marriage. They married after 6 months of dating. And, had timing been different for me and DH, we would have gotten married 4 months after meeting.

Can you sit back and just support your friend's right to make her own mistakes? It might be easier for you than trying to change her mind.
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Old September 3rd, 2016, 01:51 PM
Catwoman Catwoman is offline
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Re: Engaged after 7 months

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Originally Posted by LucyVanPelt View Post
Hey, Catwoman. I had wondered where you'd been!

The rational side of me says not to rush. Her history, the distance, the short-term relationship all say that this is probably not a good idea.

But then the romantic side says this can work. I have a friend who just celebrated 35 years of a good marriage. They married after 6 months of dating. And, had timing been different for me and DH, we would have gotten married 4 months after meeting.

Can you sit back and just support your friend's right to make her own mistakes? It might be easier for you than trying to change her mind.
Hi Lucy, Im still here hehe......yes I agree I will be absolutely supporting her decision to do whatever she wants and Im genuinely happy for her. I'm just hoping shes picked a good one this time. I just asked her a few general questions yesterday out of curiosity,but I was just a little secretly surprised at how rapidly they were engaged, considering they aren't living together and she has just bought half shares in a business last year. It just worries me that she does come across as a bit hurried and desperate.Shes a very flighty excitable 30 year old.She seems a bit of a naive person, with a child like innocence.Shes been a very vulnerable girl after losing her previous partner suddenly and then met a few wierdos. Im very happy for her to start a new life with man shes happy with.....but some alarm bells do ring for me here. She wont ever know Im doubting her, Im just secretly thinking this stuff.I hardly see her anyway.....shes the ex partner of the son of the woman who was selling her house,the mother wanted me to help her a few months ago. The house has sold they told me yesterday in fleeting visit,and my friend came out with her engagement excitement....I just hope it all goes well really......I love hearing stories of people being together for 35 years, but I also think we sadly live in different times now,I think there was more of an innocence 35 years ago,people treated each other with more care and respect back then, just a thought.

Last edited by Catwoman; September 3rd, 2016 at 02:33 PM.
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Old September 3rd, 2016, 02:50 PM
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Re: Engaged after 7 months

Well, you're certainly right that a lot has changed in the last 35 years.

There's an old saying, "Hope for the best. Prepare for the worst." I don't know if you'll be able to console her if the worst happens, but I hope so. She certainly needs a friend like you.
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Old September 3rd, 2016, 03:10 PM
Catwoman Catwoman is offline
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Re: Engaged after 7 months

Quote:
Originally Posted by LucyVanPelt View Post
Well, you're certainly right that a lot has changed in the last 35 years.

There's an old saying, "Hope for the best. Prepare for the worst." I don't know if you'll be able to console her if the worst happens, but I hope so. She certainly needs a friend like you.
Shes a very sweet girl, very excited, friendly, bubbly a little gem really..... It was very sad when her long term partner died, a big shock for all of us. He treated her like his queen and was very loving to her. He was a lovely guy and they were together for about 8 years in their late teens to mid 20s. However they had their ups and downs and even broke up along the way. He seemed a bit immature and not wanting to rush to get married or have kids,never wanting to leave home,even at 29, so they lived together at his parents home. She said she wanted more from the relationship just before it happened, and wasnt sure about them staying together living at home with his parents. He then went away on a trip after she was pleading with him not to go and died in an accident while away which was quite shocking for her and everyone.I know they disagreed a lot towards the end. In a way I secretly think that sometimes in life things have a funny way of working themselves out, I dont think she was meant to be with her ex partner forever, and he ended up departing from her life anyway as strange as that may sound.I gave some advice at the time after his death to give herself time to grieve, but time to just have fun meeting new people and just going on dates without getting serious right away when she was ready. But she seemed to rush it every time and went through a few guys.She said she had thought about what I said about taking things slow,but couldnt help herself. She said to me yesterday about when I said to her how it has to feel right from the beginning,and she said she feels that, but I didnt want to say thats the honeymoon stage, and we are all in that stage for at least 2 years after we meet someone.......its really all up to her,and I wont be saying a thing. She even said the wedding would be in Aussy, as hes from there which I found odd,she seems to be happy to please him,and is quite taken that he is a little exotic as hes French.....her family are in Vietnam....but shes lived here most of her life and has all her friends here. She said she will send an invite in time,no date set yet as they have only been engaged 2 weeks at present,but it may be hard for her friends to all be buying tickets to Aussy, us included.It's not cheap flying to Aussy from NZ now even though we are only about 3 hours away from there.I just thought wait and see if they even get to a wedding really??....best of luck to them, I hope hes nice to her at least. I hope if they dont last its not too heartbreaking for her.

Last edited by Catwoman; September 3rd, 2016 at 03:39 PM.
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Old September 3rd, 2016, 10:54 PM
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Re: Engaged after 7 months

I was going to ask that - if they had set a date. I guess that's good that they haven't. Some people have looooong engagements. My hairdresser got engaged after 5 months, but they set the wedding date to coincide with their 2 year anniversary of dating.

She might be feeling that biological clock ticking, thinking she has to rush and get married and have kids. Are most of her friends married?

Did you get to meet the guy Catwoman? What did you think?
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