Girls that like Jerks

[supermatt]

This is a good question for the Women here. Why do girls like jerks? or guys that treat them like crap? is this a phase or is there always some sort of attraction to those type of men?

Thanks in advance

[KayKay]

Sorry, supermatt, but I changed the title of your thread. Family friendly forum and all.

I can't say that I know from experience why girls like jerks but that brings me to an important point... only some women like jerks. There are a large number of us that like nice guys. It's just that we happen to be the quieter, introverted girls that guys don't notice.

I have a lot of theories. One is that a lot of girls are stuck in some romanticized vision of a bad dime novel. They think that the "bad boy" is some misunderstood soul who will turn into Prince Charming if he has the love of a good woman.

Another of my theories is along the people-teach-people-how-to-treat-them line. I was just thinking about this today. There is a boy in my daughter's grade who is a perfectly nice boy from a perfectly nice family. His mother and sister are intelligent, awesome women both of whom are much admired and respected, so it makes no sense to my daughter that he'd be a jerk with no respect for women. It makes perfect sense to me. He's the cutest boy in the class and he has girls practically throwing themselves at him - all of them want his attention and go the extra mile to get it. These girls don't act as though they respect themselves and don't act as though they want him to respect them. So he is learning, by virtue of their behavior, how to be a "jerk." I do not think he is naturally a jerk. But he sure does gravitate towards the silly girls and the slutty girls, and doesn't necessarily treat them well.

Finally, and this is perhaps a relatively controversial statement but it is my belief, IMHO many young women today don't respect themselves enough to think they should look for "nice guys." Apologies to those who disagree, and no intention to offend anyone, but this is my opinion. It is not "cool" to be a nice girl who wants to be in a stable relationship with a nice guy. Nowadays (old coot alert) women accept the status of "friends with benefits" or "booty call." I'm honestly at a loss to understand why they do not think they are worth more than that, but *shrug* that's how I see it. I'll get off my soapbox now.

Those are just my theories. Who knows what reality is?


P.S. If you're interested in a girl who only likes jerks, maybe she isn't the right girl to be interested in.

[LucyVanPelt]

I agree with all of KayKay's theories. Personally, I liked a jerk. He could be so charming at times. I thought I could change his jerky self into the Prince Charming. I grew out of that. That's when I found true love.

[Knot2loud]

Treat a shy, introverted girl like a queen and you have her forever.

If, by chance, a jerk happens to hook up with one. The relationship won't last long because she doesn't want to be mommy to a jerk. She wants to be mommy to a nice guys kids.

Jerks are a dime a dozen. Nice guys are like gold - they never tarnish.

[snafu]

Originally Posted by supermatt

Why do girls like jerks? or guys that treat them like crap? is this a phase or is there always some sort of attraction to those type of men?

IMHO there are some girls how go for the bad guys because there's the thrill of living dangerously ; others- its because of their FOO (either low self estime because the way FOO treats them or.... they go after the bad guys to "get back at" FOO; or as a way to assert indpendance from/defy parents )

Originally Posted by KayKay

I have a lot of theories. One is that a lot of girls are stuck in some romanticized vision of a bad dime novel. They think that the "bad boy" is some misunderstood soul who will turn into Prince Charming if he has the love of a good woman.


IMHO many young women today don't respect themselves enough to think they should look for "nice guys." ..... It is not "cool" to be a nice girl who wants to be in a stable relationship with a nice guy. Nowadays (old coot alert) women accept the status of "friends with benefits" or "booty call." I'm honestly at a loss to understand why they do not think they are worth more than that, but *shrug* that's how I see it.

ITA with kaykay - also both male and female novels with "romance" () have the main charicters in bed & in love shortly after meeting each other - that's not real life, but both men & women are being sold a load of carp in these books (ex: DeMille's Charm School; Anne Rice's Wold Gift; The Corps series; any "romance" novelest)

I quit reading romance novels because of the unreal "romance/love" - and have quit reading a lot of action novels for the same reasons

[supermatt]

Thanks everyone a lot of good info in here. I guess I can come in with my side story to why I would ask this question.

Well...I have had this friend for about 10 years (a girl) there was some attraction but either I always had a gf or she had a bf so we never really got the chance to hook up. Finally we do hook up since we were both single (friends with benefits) and we both knew that going in (had other girls on the side, sorry if i offend, she knew this as well) Then she says she can’t do it because she liked someone else. I said cool and just flipped the friends switch back on. So of course I went back to act like friends. (2 weeks later) Then I started hanging out with another girl and what do you think happened? She wanted to get back with me....I said no she was too late and started dating the new girl.

2 years later (new girl) and I didn't work. Sometime later (friend) and I hook back up and we are now dating. Everything is going well, we haven't had any problems. We are now monogamous she says lots of great things about me and seems really happy. I guess the reason the question came to mind because she has always dated "jerks" and I am not one of those. She tells me she “is trying to not like jerks” but I don’t know what the heck that means? Haha but in reality I know all I can really do is be myself and if she likes it cool if not oh well it didn’t work. I think the reason I am asking these questions now is that I am starting to care about her. (2 months together)

[KayKay]

Originally Posted by supermatt

I guess the reason the question came to mind because she has always dated "jerks" and I am not one of those. She tells me she “is trying to not like jerks” but I don’t know what the heck that means?

It means she is developing enough self-respect to know that she is worthy of a monogamous relationship with a nice guy, and she appreciates what she has.

[HisHeathenHoney]

Well, the thing with jerks is that they can appear confident and strong, and from an evolutionary perspective, females are programmed to be drawn towards the most powerful male. The lion that can beat up all the other male lions is probably the biggest jerk, but he will probably defend the cubs the best. Humans are complicated animals however, and we have both our primitive brain impulsaes and more complex thought processes and values.

And young women, with hormones newly raging, are probably more driven by their 'primitive brain.' Males too, of course, and males tend to be drawn to the healthiest most attractive looking female, i.e., the most fertile. In fact, I even read a study once that said when women were ovulating, they were more likely to find photos of aggressive looking macho men attractive, whereas when they are not ovulating they were more likely to label pictures of nicer-looking, pleasant men attractive. The primitive brain at work messing with our judgment.

As people get older, hormones mess with our judgment a little less, and we learn to make better choices. (And also we may have been burned a few times and so we learn that way.)

[supermatt]

I hope so Kay Kay.

And Wonderfully said HisHeathenHoney: she has been burned many of times by jerks so she is learning :P I totally agree with your theory and its a very good one at that. Thanks for the info where did you learn about that?

[HisHeathenHoney]

I can't remember where I read it. Various science and nature type articles over the years.