I hate my mother.

[KayKay]

Originally Posted by WantOpinion

If me telling her stuff like "go die b@#$%@" makes her not come around, AWESOME! That is the goal.

I don't think that will achieve your goal. It seems to me that HER goal is a reaction - any reaction, even telling her to "go die" - from you. What would happen if you didn't respond at all?

How old is she? She may have a mental illness that is getting worse with age. Do you have any resources to help you determine that? The best would be to talk to her doctor (if she has one) before a check-up and tell her that she's alienating everyone with her behavior and her family is concerned about an undiagnosed mental problem. (That's just IMO, anyway).

[LucyVanPelt]

One of the officers admitted he had been on several calls that involved her, and knew how she was.

After reading this, I think KayKay is onto something. Perhaps there is an underlying condition? While you aren't responsible for your mother's behavior, and you are really tired of the drama, perhaps the three of you together can try to get her some help. The best time would be if police must be called; insist they take her to the psych ward for an evaluation. But you can still have an "intervention" for her. If she refuses to get help, certainly no contact should be an option.

[freelancerlynne]

When I read this I felt sad because I'm a mother and I don't want my children to feel the same way as yours to me. Sometimes you just don't understand why mother's doing things that make their children get irritated. What ever it is talk to you mom let her know your feelings about her. Just remember all mothers wants to give all the best in this world to their children.

[Annsdil]

Originally Posted by freelancerlynne

Just remember all mothers wants to give all the best in this world to their children.

That is a very nice, ideal but unrealistic generalisation.

Sadly, there are parents in the world; mothers and fathers, whose own needs however unhealthy or selfish come before the welfare and well being of their children.

WantOpinion, I am in the KayKay and Lucy camp that there may be underlying mental health or progressive illness issues with your mother. It sounds like she has had issues which has adversely affected your relationship throughout your life, and it's been something that she has managed to keep hidden from the outside world for a long time. Now she has displayed disruptive behaviour to others and as Lucy said there may need to either be an intervention or no contact to tale place for your own self preservation.

Sadly, if there is a progressive mental issue going on now, you may never get to know why she has behaved the way she has to you in the past. (((hugs)))

[gardenofjade]

I hear ya sister. I'm not fond of my mom either. My story is that she showed up on my doorstep homeless 5 years ago. Since then I have learned she is schitzophranic. And oh, there were times that were quite embarrassing when she had public outbursts.

With the help of a kind doctor that specialized in geratrics we got her on meds (Seroquel) and she has calmed and settled. What I have realized is that she is incapable of taking care of herself, she is scared, she knows she is a burden and feels guilty, and she is now a dependent.

I have no love whatsoever for this woman but I take care of her because it's the right thing to do. It took awhile to figure out a schedule to do so. And now I can almost have a normal life.

We are a sandwich generation, caring for children and parents. It's not easy. But pull your resources and family together to help in anyway they can.

[rhea]

Originally Posted by WantOpinion

I do not use the word hate lightly. She is the one person I dislike the most in this world and the only person I will be happy to hear is gone for good when she dies.

A lot of it is how treats me and other people. She ignores it all when I and others tell her. Some of it is who she is. I do not mean because she is my mother, but due to the way she acts etc... that is just her being herself.

I personally hate the society for generalizing moms, because their mom is good they think all mom is good. It's just not like that. Mom is just another person, you can't generalize them. There's a lot of type of mom. Mom who deserves your love and the one that does not. I unfortunately have the same feeling as you. I can't stand my mom. It sad, but it's true.

Sometimes I wish she love me more so I can love her back.

[LucyVanPelt]

Originally Posted by rhea

I personally hate the society for generalizing moms, because their mom is good they think all mom is good. It's just not like that. Mom is just another person, you can't generalize them. There's a lot of type of mom. Mom who deserves your love and the one that does not. I unfortunately have the same feeling as you. I can't stand my mom. It sad, but it's true.

Sometimes I wish she love me more so I can love her back.

Welcome, rhea. I'm sorry that you feel unloved by your mom. Please start a new thread and talk to us more about yourself and your relationship.

[Knot2loud]

I wonder what ever happened with the OP's relationship with her mom? It's really a sad thing when your own child can't stand to be around a parent.

I guess there's something to the saying that a parent is as happy as their unhappiest child. It appears this can be flipped too.

I remember about 25 years ago I got upset with my parents and refused to even speak to them for almost a year. I think back on it now and I realize how stupid my decision was to cut off all communication. Yeah, they were stubborn in what caused the mess, but I now know I could have handled it differently and still got the message across without causing the emotional pain I did when I cut them out of my family's life for a year.

Regrets... <sigh>

I should have read more when I was younger.

[KayKay]

The way I look at it Knot2Loud, is that it just makes us more understanding of what our kids are going through when we're standing in our parents' shoes. It's spooky to hear things come out of my DD's mouth that came out of my mouth when I was her age. It helps me temper my reaction.

[gardenofjade]

I'm in the belief that a parent has the greater responsibility of forming a healthy relationship with the child. Parents who don't ****.
It's not a child's job to come to the parent. A child's role is to grow and mature and live to make it to adulthood. They shouldn't be obligated to maintain the parental relationship, especially if the parent is ****y.

Parents have the responsibility of maintaining the relationship and teaching the child what a healthy relationship is. So often this doesn't happen and the child has a ****y adulthood as a result.

Be better parents.