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Old June 25th, 2017, 01:59 PM
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Re: Thinking of removing myself from my adult children's lives

Originally Posted by Wandarlust View Post
I know this sounds harsh, and I love the grand kids to death (when I see them) but I'm tired of this. I won't live forever and perhaps I should just go on and say "to hell with it" and start planning my life as if i may or may not be included in theirs.
Honestly, I believe this is how it should be. Certainly, I think you *should* be included in their lives and I sincerely hope you will be. But I think you are on the right track.

There's some saying that I don't recall at the moment, but basically the gist is to give people the effort that is returned to you. If your girls don't make the effort in the relationship that you do, you will feel taken advantage of. Just like everything in life, to best value a relationship with you, your daughters need to work for it. I don't know if that's making sense.

Ideally, we all grow up knowing that our parents are there for us 100% no matter what and we take it for granted. As we grow and move forward, sometimes it's hard to remember that there is a parent behind us on the launch pad. I have been on both sides of this, as the kid who went away and now the parent being left. The hardest part is trust - I trusted when I left that my parents would always be there (they have since died, so I appreciate the sentiment of not being there forever) and now, watching my kids testing their wings, I have to trust that they love me and won't forget about me even though they sometimes don't seem to show it.

The one thing from your post that I will encourage you not to fall prey to is backing off from their lives as a punishment to them. Please make sure you are doing it with the right motivation. Withdraw (and I don't mean totally... just "match their effort") for your own good. Do it for your own sense of well-being and self-respect.

With respect to making plans to be away at TG and Christmas, will your youngest have her baby by then? I might hold off a year, or at the very least only make plans to be away for one of the two holidays. Something tells me that once the baby comes, she might want her momma around more to help her out.
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