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Old December 27th, 2014, 06:49 AM
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Re: Close to breaking point because of awful mother.

Originally Posted by annesch View Post
My DH has been supportive and extremely tolerant. He knows that it' hard on me but cant understand why i wont severe ties.
I'm glad he's supportive. He doesn't understand because he hasn't had your experiences. The books snafu recommended will certainly help you with setting those boundaries and enforcing them.

My father was a womaniser who was and still is fiscally irresponsible. He enables my mother because she's normally the go to when it comes to money. They live way beyond their means and have delusions of self grandeur. My mother threatens me by telling me that if my DH leaves me I'll have no one to turn to if I cut them off. "Your father did it, what makes you think your husband will be faithful?"
That's a terrible way to live, isn't it? Your mother is wrong. Your father is part of the problem, therefore he will have to join your mother in the cutoff. It makes it easier for you, anyway.

My Dh wants me to be happy and free. But it's a trap i don't know how to get out off. She uses mistakes I've made in the past to blackmail me. It's just a sad situation.
It is a sad situation. There are NO mistakes you've made in the past that can possibly justify blackmail. Emotional Blackmail is another book I'd recommend.

If there's something that she'd use to hurt your relationship with your DH, then you have to talk to your DH. Tell him what she wants to use against you, why it threatens you, and ask him for his help. This takes back the power that you have given her. Then you and DH can work on your own relationship without her in the middle.

And you have to cut her off, and your DF and DB must go with her. The easiest way to do that is to just stop talking to her. Block her phone number (and all numbers they have access to) so they cannot call. Let unknown calls go to voicemail. Block their emails. Block them on FB or any other social media they may use. Let DH get the mail to screen anything from them.

Again, the bad behavior will escalate. They may send other relatives to give you a message. We call that person the "flying monkey." Expect it and ask DH to help you block their access.

You can do this!
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