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Old December 29th, 2014, 11:35 AM
lostandfound12 lostandfound12 is offline
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Re: Mom passed away, no Will, what next?

Thank you everyone for your input. And thank you KayKay for sharing your experience. I am happy you have moved on and hope that I may also get to move on, with or without them makes no difference to me but I honestly prefer it to be without.

So far nothing has been decided on and nothing more has been asked, I voiced my stance on it and they've gone silent but I know they are talking without me. I don't feel I am ready to 'pack it up' and push her memory aside as they have done so quickly; But they did not share the relationship with our mother as I did. The frustrations and even anger I have towards the many of them; That would deny so much from me and even my mother when she had a chance of beating the cancer by unconventional (but very natural, CBD) means, they intruded and made threats against me. Denied her a chance to live longer, be it only another six months or six years. It's another thing I will bare on my shoulders for not going through with it anyway, fighting harder for her, no matter the risk.

I know things are just things, materialistic things that they obviously value more than her memory. Part of me understands that and says to just let it go as it will probably rid me of them too. But for all they've done and not done, I feel they don't deserve any of it (other than what my mom declared to them) and that they should bare the weight of what I'd like to say to them which they will remove themselves from me then for sure.

Besides. That is my mom's room. Those are her things that she delicately cared for. That is her bed. A place where I tucked HER in every night. It's where she rested. Some would say that I'm turning it into a shrine but I'd like to keep it in her memory as a guest room for her and my out of town friends that came to see her. Especially my one cousin whom my mom was like a mom too (my cousin lost her mom to cancer when she was only I think twelve and she moved in with us after.) She visits often. And thinking about it, I currently sleep in a dilapidated bed with popped springs and creaks on every movement. Maybe I should sleep in it?

I just don't know. I'm not ready to let go. I think before anything I need to deal with my frustration and anger. The thought of her being gone still has not set it, three weeks later, I've still not felt like I've grieved. I don't know why or how. Possibly with my brother still loafing on my couch and continually consuming and messing what is mine, I've not had the time to myself to do so. Every day is a chore for me, cleaning and tidying after him, a 35 year old man... sad really.

Last edited by lostandfound12; December 29th, 2014 at 11:42 AM.
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