Thread: Unwanted Gifts
View Single Post
Old August 12th, 2008, 05:33 AM
Cremebrulee's Avatar
Cremebrulee Cremebrulee is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Posts: 961
Cremebrulee has much to be proud ofCremebrulee has much to be proud ofCremebrulee has much to be proud of
Re: Unwanted Gifts

Originally Posted by LadyLove View Post
I read your post thouroughly and I understand your point. But I think that it is fair to say that some people abuse kindness and no one should tolerate that kind of mistreatment. When I met my in-laws, especially my BIL's crazy wife, I was very meek and quiet. I kept to myself because I was shy. Naturally, I made conversation but you could tell in the tone of my voice that I was very nervous. I think that that nervousness made BIL's wife think that I was an easy target to be bullied.
Whewwww....I cannot tell you how relieved I am that you do understand....thank you...I was afraid my thoughts might upset you...thanks so much...and your right...I am learning..that I to have allowed people to bully me...yanno, I was thinking this morning about you, about this thread, about Kay Kay's thoughts she wrote yesterday...and she was right...I remember reading, that bullies...actually have no respect for people who allow them to bully for that very reason. So, who knows which is right...perhaps standing up from the very get go is the right thing...and if that doesn't work, we, you and I could always try the other option...or maybe implement both of them, for each situation? I dunno....but I do understand what your going thru and why...and regardless what anyone suggests...we have to do, what we feel inside will be best for individuals...please let us know what happens...really hope it all works out for you...and you've given me much room for thought as well....thank you

I am now stepping out and being more forward with my feelings because I am tired of being stepped on. I was, in a sense, abused by my in-laws and I will not let anyone treat me that way ever again! I have to set a strong example for my children. I cannot have them watch their mommy be treated like poo. What will that say to them?

yanno, your right!!! My mother was the queen of setting herself up as being a victim....she was an awfully good women, who was, if you can believe it, very childlike...extremely sheltered and void of the reality of the world. Fortunately, everyone loved her and very few people took advantage of her...but her character, filtered down to me...and I know, I'm everything you've described...yet, there are many more times, I can be so vocal...yet I fear with a greatness opening my mouth and setting off a huge chain reaction...I know it's wrong, but I so wanted my DIL to like, I compromised who I was...which made me look like a complete fool to my son...he knows me better then anyone, and knows I would never have taken this off of anyone else.

Now, I've made the statement, but it's way to late...I've actually in not talking and defending my self from the very beginning...made myself look like it is all me, in his eyes. I grew silent...So, your a lot of ways...the trick is, who it works with and who it doesn't.

I told Kay Kay last night, that my DIL, knows right away, what your going to say, and before you get a whole sentence out, she interrupts....I've read this is their MO...they use that as a deterrent, b/c they fear the truth coming out of you and proving them wrong (and these people are never wrong, they fear admitting to themselves they are apology would be, to them, an admission that they were wrong, they will never say "I'm sorry" and least of all, want to hear they are wrong from anyone else, to them, it's a rejection, and they want to reject you, before you reject them, b/c they really lack any confidence)......I know she'd have gotten up and stormed out, there would be no conversation...but at least, I would have never compromised who I was in front of my child, for sent the wrong message...really your much wiser then I was. Good for you!!!!!

I know that you are older and with age comes wisdom but I feel that I have to speak up for myself sometime. I cannot be married and put up with this forever.

Please know and believe, I don't have all the answers, far from thoughts are a culmination of age, experience, and a lot of reading and self examination....but I've made a heck of a lot of my mother, I realize, I had become the martyer, she was...and always tried to hard to keep the peace, and do what was best for others, instead of myself...I actually feared being my real maternal mother...I feared being just like her...she hates people...never trusted anyone, or loved anyone, not even me...and that is the truth...she is a very lonely evil person....her mind is gone...she has not one is very sad...and a very wasteful life...and that is why I made the choices I made, cuz I never wanted to be like her...I feared being her with a, I followed my foster mom around like a little puppy dog and copied her...and prayed so much to never let me be like my real, I became my foster mom...and while she owned a greatness in so many ways...she also, like all of us...owned some very destructive character fearing travel..fearing experience, fearing change, and didn't have a lot of confidence in herself. What gave her confidence was helping others, doing for others...before doing for gave her a good feeling inside and made her small world larger.

But thank you for sharing your point of view.
more so, thank you for sharing yours....I do so value your have all helped me in a great many ways...thank you for understanding and sharing yours....

Last edited by Cremebrulee; August 12th, 2008 at 05:39 AM.
Reply With Quote