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Old October 21st, 2009, 05:50 AM
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Cremebrulee Cremebrulee is offline
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Re: Reply 1

Seeking Sensibility Creme, as for everything else, I know that you are not my mil.

Thanks for understanding that...I believe it's very easy to put ourselves into the problems of someone else....for instance, a while back I tried talking on some of these forums about our situation...and it was very hard for the DIL's to understand, b/c they had cruel, self impossed MIL's.

Not everyone is like that...there are some really stinky DIL's out there...believe me...

I'm going to address some of these issues you bought up...please know, I'm not arguing with you...and you don't know my it's important that we both remain objective.

Your son changed diapers, kudos to him! Yet, you make it sound like he did it because your dil was useless.

No, I don't believe my DIL is useless, I believe your only seeing things from your point of view have to try and understand, my DIL had a very bad childhood...her mother only cared about herself and to heck with the kids...actually, my DIL is the better of four kids. She learned at an early age to turn off her feelings and suit herself, she had to, in order to survive.

Her mother would abandon them and come back over and over again. To give you an manipulative she can be...and believe me, I don't dislike her, remember, this is learned behavior and conditioning she began at an early age.

They were visiting me...all was going well, but then, my son, started telling me about his job...whenever he does this, she gets really upset...(she needs an incredible amount of attention at all times, and I believe she feels I'm taking his attention away from her when he addresses me) so, I'm not sure it's b/c he's talking to me or for several other reasons.

While, he's talking, she stands up and walks out of my home. She waited out front for my son...we just looked at each other, like, "What the heck". He left, went back to his father's where they were staying, and then returned.

Later, his father told me, they didn't think anything was going on...except that he thought it was odd that my son left by himself again. He came back and we discussed what happened. While he was gone, my son's father said, DIL walked around the house humming, like "mission accomplished". They had no idea anything had happened. She was smiling and happy.

My DIL learned how to pretend and pretends to be useless, or when she wants something, she acts out, and she is out right rude and aloof to others. Personally I think it's a front to act tough...but I don't know....and by pretending to be helpless, she doesn't have to do anything.

In all honesty, she possesses spunk and moxy and there isn't anything she couldn't accomplish if she put her mind to it. And I'm going to say, she has some very good qualities...

Believe me, now that her hubby is away, she is learning to be more independent...but the fact remains, when he comes back, he, is an enabler and he will be the one to take over everything again, and she is perfectly happy with that.

So, they are both to blame, they both feed off each other...

Once we were in a store, and she pretended to get all upset, while asking me, "Where's the soda"? And yes, when he wasn't around, she took care of the baby, she had to, but the abnormal part was, when he was around, she would simply walk away and let him handle it...

Once while driving in the car, the baby had diarreha...poor thing, it was all over the place...he took the baby out of the car seat, placed the baby on a blanket and cleaned her up, while mom freshened her make up and got out and walked around...

Really, she does nothing? I have no doubt that my mil believes that my husband works his fanny off just to please me. I have no doubt that my mil will say that I donít do enough.

Perhaps, but again, I am not your and my DIL are two seprate are not like her, yet, you identify me with your MIL? While I agree with you and know for a fact, that there are stinky MIL's out there, there are good one's to. And there are also, many wonderful DIL's out well as frumpy ones...yanno?

I will say, she has changed over the years, they did go to counseling and she does do a little more...but still relies on my son to do everything for her when he's around, plus work 3 jobs. The last time I was down there, she cleaned and washed up the kitchen and when my son came in she says..."Honey, Look, I washed up the kitchen"...and he acted as if she were a little kid...praising her for doing so? He seems to feed off of giving her so much attention..and if I know him, he's made up his mind, he's going to give her a life she's never known and make her very happy?

Again, please know, this is just not simply what I've seen, but also his father, step mother and step brothers and sister. Not to mention, his aunt. I was told, no one can stand to visit them any longer then 3 days...and it's true...she becomes very moody, you actually start to become afraid, uneasy and just want to get the heck outa there...she doesn't talk...yet, when they come home, they have stayed and actually lived with my son's father, several times...which is ok...but, it's very difficult for her to see beyond herself.

Once, while I was there, they had friends over....the men, were kidding around as men do about wives...nothing major, just a simple joke, everyone laughed and it was over. But, when everyone left, my son got so scared and actually forgot I was there...he walked over to her at the sink and started apologizing to her for kidding around...he was all but down on his knees, I didn't believe what I was seeing? She was pissed and said, "Whatever" and walked into the bedroom.

I have no doubt that my mil is scared silly at this time while she is getting old. I have no doubt that she feels that all her boys, including my husband, would be more beneficial to her if they were unattached. I have no doubt that my mil is extremely jealous of me because I am given attention that she feels that she so rightfully deserves, especially during her golden years!

I find that very odd if she feels that way? But, again, I have a different thought pattern...I don't fear getting old...matter of fact, this to me, is the best time of my life...I'm very happy, and constantly making new friends, traveling, and enjoying the comfort of my individuality. No husband to take care of or kids...I find it very suitable and enjoy this time...and look forward to retirement. Plan to take some classes.

I would never ever expect or want my son to take care of me. You have to understand, I am a very independent woman, and what I can't do, I hire people to do.

My son has a wife and child, his own place to work on, his jobs and THAT should be his first priority. To me and for me, having my son and DIL take care of me, well, candidly, it just wouldn't happen.

As far as being jealous...I feel very sorry for your mother in law that she looks at it that way...she should feel happy and fortunate, that her son found the love of his life...? That to me, is so foreign...not to be happy for another's success...? To actually be jealous of your own DIL and son's love is sick, but that's just me?