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Old August 8th, 2021, 12:56 PM
Wandarlust Wandarlust is offline
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Re: Thinking of removing myself from my adult children's lives

Originally Posted by LucyVanPelt View Post
So, your daughters were used to you working on Christmas. Although you're retired and your pattern has changed, they are still in the pattern that was set before your retirement. Instead of hinting, you might need to address this directly. There is a subconscious assumption of "this is how Christmas is done" that needs a conscious decision to change. Make you decision based on that conversation.

If your family's patterns are set with their ILs, they may have less ability to change it because it causes a ripple effect with everyone else. That doesn't mean you have to be alone. You can contact a church or join a retired group and spend your Christmas with other women who are away from their families, too.
So, here we are 4 years later and nothing has really changed. My youngest has had her second child and chose my oldest and her family to come up from out of state and stay with there first child while she was in the hospital. While I live an hour away. Go figure. While there, they never made any attempt to see me. This was in June. My oldest is visiting my youngest again right now. The only reason I know is b/c there are pictures posted on FB. Sigh! In the meantime, my sil says I should go to counseling to improve the relationship. It helped her, blahl, blah, blah. I'm not sure why it is I who should go to counseling.

Her and my sister see their kids who are local all the time. They also have the money to help them if they so choose. I do not. (My sil paid for her adult daughter to travel with her many times and her kids). they are both much closer with their kids and seem to think it odd that I'm not. Not that I wouldn't like to be closer and see my kids more, but remarks are made from time to time. Suggestions of what I should do, etc. Always sharing the details of their dinners with their kids, what this one did that one did, etc. I feel as if I'm being taunted for my meager relationship with my kids in addition to feeling like I'm left out of my own kids lives.

Ready to tell them all, kids and my siblings alike, to take a flying leap.
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