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Old January 30th, 2015, 03:31 PM
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Re: Cut ties with sisters but they won't give up

Maybe I'm not the best person to give advice, because I have two older sisters with whom I have cut all ties. I was fortunate enough that they wanted to cut ties with me too. My children were younger when it happened, so they have no recollection of aunts they only met once at my dad's funeral.

The main thing right now is YOU. You need to take care of YOU. If it were me, I'd block them from reading your Facebook, don't read their Facebook, and if anyone (such as your niece) tries to intervene tell that person "Thanks for the concern, but I'm not in a good place to work on that relationship right now." Refuse to say anything more. Then continue to work through your own grief and painful upbringing.

The tricky part comes because your kids are old enough to have a relationship with them independent of you. In my opinion, you need to let your kids decide. You can talk to them and say that their aunts caused a lot of drama and pain and that you are trying to work through the issues. Do not ask them to take sides, but do ask them to be considerate of your feelings and give you space to work through it. Ask them to not be what we call Flying Monkeys (from the Wizard of Oz) and discuss you with their aunts, or your aunts with you - in other words, ask them to not get in the middle of it. Assure your oldest that you will not cause drama at her wedding (and - the hard part - stay true to your word). I really think that your girls probably can see for themselves what your sisters are like and how your sisters treated you (and them) and will support you.

Focus your thoughts on building your here and now - your husband, two daughters, and future son-in-law.

Two things that are cliché but helpful:

"No" is a complete sentence.
Do not JADE (Justify, Argue, Defend, Explain). You are an adult who can make her own decisions without having to JADE. As long as you feel that you have to JADE your decisions to them, your bully sisters have power over you.


Stand strong.
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