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Old September 26th, 2017, 09:45 PM
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Re: Holiday Help- Adult Brother and SIL issue

This may not help, because I'm very conflict-adverse.

Can you tell your parents that you'll visit at Thanksgiving and have Christmas in Texas (or with your ILs)? There are benefits to this, not just to avoid the current situation with your brother, but to set precedent for down the road. Holidays become very complicated when/if kids come along and new parents are expected to drag the kids across the country for the sake of "tradition."

Or... go visit the week after Christmas, or for New Year's. Or, you could invite your parents to Texas. It sounds like they might like to get away from the drama too.

I used to be the person who was the glue that held my FOO together. Then I realized I was the only person who WANTED the family held together. When I backed off, no one complained and no one stepped up. I had been twisting myself in knots trying to create a Norman Rockwell family, and it was sweet freedom when I let that fašade go.

Just a friendly nudge to a newlywed... don't forget that you and your husband are now "family", not your brother and extended relatives in NY.
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