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Old February 16th, 2015, 10:06 PM
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Kayleesmom Kayleesmom is offline
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Re: Cut ties with sisters but they won't give up

Just a quick update. I am feeling much better. I having been sleeping a lot due to exhaustion and I've gotten four meals down since Friday. Hoping tomorrow is even better. I'm meeting with my minister from hospice and he's going to help my find a counselor and a grief support group.

You guys were all right, I should have never reopened that door. I have put things in place to stop the contact. I will put more measures in place as necessary.

I may have figured some things out. I think I have been resented all my life by my family (sisters) because of the hatred for my mom. Hatred for even being born. I received it from all sides. Both sets of grandparent and all of the siblings. I was the unlucky one by being the only child my parents had together. My brother called and gave me the speech, put on your big girl panties and get over it. That is my plan along with putting a stop to contact from him also. The sibs have been rallying the troops! I'm fine with that because it keeps my away from it all.

I know I sound like I'm having a pity party and you know what, I agree. It's about time. My life has always consisted of taking care of my mom, and playing pretend to keep everyone happy. After my mom died, I felt safe enough to let go of being strong. I needed the down time and finally received the strength from my husband and children and I am feeling safe for once in my life. I'm going to take baby steps and do my best to control my emotions. I think my moms death gave me the freedom to actually reach the bottom and reach out for help. Hopefully I will get some soon. I tried this so many times in the past but no one was there for me so I just sucked it up and went on. This time was different because I have actually taken steps to rid myself of toxic people. Depression can make you tired of fighting and give up. Sometimes you can't even put one foot in front of the other. I'm feeling like I can now.

I am still afraid of my sibs trying to contact me. I heard a car door slam and I began to shake terribly. Turns out I was my neighbor. Hopefully someone can help me get through that also. One of the sibs is a control freak and I don't know how she's going to react to my daughters wedding that is coming up. My daughter has decided to not invite them. Losing control of me and this wedding is going to wear on her.

All of you have been so supportive and have given me great advise. I hope I can return the favor one day. I will continue to post about my healing process if y'all are interested. I promise I'm going to rise from my pity party and be strong again.

Hugs!
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