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Old April 2nd, 2014, 07:56 AM
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Re: Can someone help with family situation

Quote:
Originally Posted by slr0031 View Post
The best thing I can do that does the least harm to my relationship with my dad is to agree to the visit and do my very best to put on a fake face.
I get the impression that your dad will never be pleased with what you do. You said in your other thread that he doesn't feel you get "excited enough" to see his wife or "thank her enough." Do you really think that your fake face will be good enough that it won't harm your relationship?

slr0031, it's okay to be angry with your dad. You are an adult, your dad is an adult, his wife is hurting you, and he is angry at you for being hurt. This is abuse. You are allowed to be angry and say No to being abused.

You have children. Do you want them to see you stressed and worried and upset when your dad is visiting with his wife? They'll pick up on it.

Many years ago, when my kids were young, I had a relationship with my two sisters that was rocky (to say the least). Long story short, they were bullies to me and did some really cruel things. I was in my late 30's, and believed that because they were my sisters, they were allowed to behave that way and I had to accept it. My husband finally pointed out to me that my sisters treating me the way they did was affecting our kids. Most directly, one sister had stolen money that was supposed to be mine (which would eventually be my kids') but indirectly, I spent so much time upset about my sisters that I was not being the best mom I could be to our kids. That was eye opening, and gave me the strength I needed to cut ties with my sisters. I realized in a heartbeat that my obligation was to my kids, not to my sisters or my dad who wanted me to keep putting up with them so there wouldn't be strife in the family.

Keep thinking about it. Keep finding your inner strength.


I want to add that if the family members on your dad's side kind of "hate" you now, they are bullies too. Truthfully, they don't hate you as much as they hate the fact that you won't just do what your dad says to shut him up and make him happy. Your dad's behavior is making their lives miserable. You can't worry about them. You have to worry about you. They can figure out their own relationships with your dad.
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