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-   -   Boundaries setting disappointment (http://www.friendsandfamilyforum.com/showthread.php?t=8563)

lilly210 March 5th, 2021 11:01 PM

Boundaries setting disappointment
 
Hello there-
Iím quite disappointed today. Iíve attempted to set boundaries with a very close girlfriend of mine. Iíve known her for over 20 years.
Iím currently pregnant and going through IVF. The hormone medication is no joke and I canít help but to go through the blues.
My girlfriend and I talk about all types of things. Weíre familiar with each otherís past. I come from an abusive home, which my Mother is a narcissist. Iíve had to endure physical and emotional and her selfish behavior my whole life.
Iíve confided in her and told her stories of how my Mother would
Use to physical abuse me and would allow me to be happy with anything in my life.
The other we were just texting and sheís been great. Checking up on me everyday. We were going back and forth then suddenly, she brings up how my Mom would abusive me when I was young. 😳
Then, I responded quickly with, Iíve been working through this and processing the healing has been tough. Iím at peace with it and accept her for who she is.
I told her my Mother is an Orphan. I canít expect too much from a women that never knew what it felt like to receive love from her parents or people in general.
She didnít stop. Then she told me. Well, thereís no excuse. 🥺
At that point I started crying and she had no idea. I told her, I donít want to talk about this anymore. Itís making me very sad.
She apologized and said sheíll stop.
Then, I got emotional and told her. I need to move on from his. I have a void I will never be able to fill and her being an orphan is the only I got.
And requested for her to never bring it up again.
She responded and apologized again. She said that we have often discussed our past and it was okay. I told her weíre older now, and would rather be honest with how I feel about things. She appreciated it had thanked me for being honest with her.
That evening, we stop texting.
Next day, no text from her.
I know sheís upset. Probably because she felt this came from nowhere.
The difference this time is, she brought up about my past. Itís usually me, that would bring it up. In other words, we would bring up our own stuff. Or, if sheís was in a negative space, I would try to be supportive and move her out of the negativity.
I donít know what happened to her this time. She just wanted to destroy my mother. Iíve never heard that from her before. Usually when I say, Iím at peace with it or Iíve accepted things for what they are. Sheíll stop.

Iím sad because I donít think she sees what sheís doing.
Plus, why would you bring up stuff about the past to someone thatís pregnant and on hormones meds?!?

Iím disappointed because I know sheís upset at me and thinks I over reacted.

I do cherish my relationship with her and good friends are hard to find. But, thereís a like she shouldnít cross.

I donít know whatís going to happen after this. But, any perspective would be greatly appreciated.

KayKay March 6th, 2021 05:08 PM

Re: Boundaries setting disappointment
 
It's so hard to tell.

DO you think she was trying to hurt you? Or do you think it was unintentional? I'm having a hard time understanding what she was did differently than she has done before. Was it bringing up your past instead of letting you do it?

She apologized, but did she stop when you wanted her to?


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