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-   -   Is it me or is this a red flag? (http://www.friendsandfamilyforum.com/showthread.php?t=8359)

Bb52 March 3rd, 2018 02:22 PM

Is it me or is this a red flag?
 
To keep it short , I am a woman with no children or debut issues . I started dating my older ex again after we broke up for disagreeing on his behaviour. Second time trying this again I have noticed he is splitting assets with his 29 yr old son ( they live together) . His pay goes into the young mans account which I thought was odd for a grown man . As I felt it was not my place to say anything I have kept quiet 🤫... a few weeks ago My BF said we should buy a condo across the street from his son and let the son keep the other place... I thought it was disturbing as if hes in a relationship he needs to cut the umbilical cord.
This week I was informed that they are going to share vehicles also, I was honest with BF in that for someone coming into the unit this was viewed as unusual and if it was going to be the two of them That wont work for me . He admitted he has daddy guilt issues

KayKay March 3rd, 2018 02:40 PM

Re: Is it me or is this a red flag?
 
Is it normal? No.
Does it spell troubles for you in the future? Yes.

He's hiding something. Does the 29yo work?

If you're in the U.S., he may be using this arrangement to avoid paying those back taxes, or to circumvent some law or legal trouble he's in (back alimony?). It's illegal.

Has his behavior changed since you broke up with him for it?

You're young, and only 2 years older than the son he's teaching to break the law. If it were me, I wouldn't touch this situation with a 10 foot pole.

Bb52 March 3rd, 2018 02:51 PM

Re: Is it me or is this a red flag?
 
Thank you for the response . I dont want to sound petty as I am not that person and it is early in the relationship but Id rather cut bait and run now as I have been very disturbed.
Yes he has changed and been more respectful since we got back together and if I think hes getting rude Im on him like a fat kid on a cupcake now .
Yes the son works Two jobs. Has enough money to buy his own new car in the and owns one brand new car he keeps in dads garage and doesnt use , and his old one dad fixes for him etc
They are close which I get but there are so many red flags
As a young professional with great credit and no issues , I feel that this may not be good for me to get into .

KayKay March 3rd, 2018 03:50 PM

Re: Is it me or is this a red flag?
 
Have you met the son? Do you have a relationship with him?

Bb52 March 3rd, 2018 04:55 PM

Re: Is it me or is this a red flag?
 
Yes , I have known him since the beginning . We get along great ! The issue is dad

KayKay March 3rd, 2018 07:34 PM

Re: Is it me or is this a red flag?
 
Well, I agree with you that as a young professional with great credit, you might want to avoid being in this relationship. :)

snafu March 5th, 2018 10:40 AM

Re: Is it me or is this a red flag?
 
I'd run for the hills....

Knot2loud March 5th, 2018 10:43 AM

Re: Is it me or is this a red flag?
 
This doesn't sound like any kind of ideal relationship. Personally, I'd listen to your instinct concerning your future with him. The whole thing just sounds flakey.

Anyway... I wish you the best in life and love.

JemStar March 25th, 2018 12:43 PM

Re: Is it me or is this a red flag?
 
If he is serious about a relationship with you that means sharing expenses on housing, etc HE SHOULD REVEAL WHAT IS GOING ON WITH SON.

That's my take. You should not have any doubts/questions/concerns.

Its a BIG RED FLAG. He should tell you everything before you get really really involved and you get stuck in a huge mess.

Parents help their adult children here and there. When there is a significant other that may be affected - they should know full well what is going on and any ramifications if things go awry.

Best of luck to you.


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