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BagLady May 7th, 2013 08:57 AM

My daughter broke up with her fiance 2 weeks ago. They have a daughter who turned 1 yesterday. (And my daughter has an 8 yr. old boy.)
Her Fiance has been a jealous, egomaniac with control issues, and is bad with money. He and I had an argument the first month they were together, and though we both have tried to get along, there have been several disagreements. They have lived in 3 places, and 2 of those ended up with holes in the walls and doors. I would go there to help my daughter with her baby, and see a new hole in the wall, or other broken things. I asked her several times if he was violent with her or the kids, and she denied it.
So now the truth comes out! She kicked him out 2 wks ago, and told us he was the reason she got her nose broken, (not her baby accidently hitting her in the nose with her head), and before she had her ACL surgery, he had kicked the crutches out from under her, and threw something at her that hit her in that knee.
You want to know how he broke her nose? He had his head pressing against her head, screaming at her, and pressed so hard it broke her nose.
So, he left, and took the baby with him! (Believe it or not, he is crazy about that baby, and has been a great Dad to her.)
So, of course my daughter is a mess, missing her baby, and he's constantly texting her, threatening her, etc. trying to use the baby as a pawn to get her back.
So, Sunday (a week ago), he comes by, (She's here with us) and they are outside, we are inside, he brought the baby with him, and she's holding the baby and I see him through the window, charging after her, so I yell for my husband and out the door we run. My husband grabs him by the collar, armed cocked back to deck him, but he (ex-fiance) has the baby in his
arm. So I'm screaming at the guy that he'll never get to hurt my daughter again, and you know what he says? "It was an accident". "I've never hit her". Really??? I am incredulous!!
So, again he leaves with the baby, because we can't do anything without harming her. We call the police and make a report. Turns out he has as much right to the child as my daughter does. The next day, I take her to a lawyer, and he said, save your money for now, wait and see what happens.
Then he takes everything from the house they shared. All the babys stuff, and all the pictures, etc.
We told her to play it cool. Dont do anything, and be nice when he calls or texts. It worked. He made arrangements for them to celebrate the baby's 1st b-day at Chucky Cheese last night. Just the 3 of them.
He's going to let her have the baby for Mothers Day, and overnight so we can get her 1yr shots on monday.
They have reached a verbal agreement about joint custody.
It's over at last.

LucyVanPelt May 7th, 2013 11:35 AM

Re: Its OVER!
I'm sorry that it had to end this way. :(

BagLady May 7th, 2013 02:29 PM

Re: Its OVER!
Thanks Lucy. I'm glad its over between them. It's still bogus that he won't accept responsibility for his actions.
It's also amazing to me, that he said he still respects my husband, because now that he's a Dad, he understands, and would do the same for his daughter...apparentely in his little mind a woman doesnt fight for her child.
Of course he has no respect for women to begin with, so I shouldnt be surprised.

LucyVanPelt May 7th, 2013 02:41 PM

Re: Its OVER!
What does your daughter say about all of this?

BagLady May 7th, 2013 03:07 PM

Re: Its OVER!
She's glad to be free from the abuse. She tried hard for the 2 years to make it work and be a family. So, depressed about that. She's looking forward to getting back on her feet, and making a home of her own, that nobody can take away. I'm proud of her attitude.

LucyVanPelt May 7th, 2013 07:25 PM

Re: Its OVER!
That's good.


The next day, I take her to a lawyer, and he said, save your money for now, wait and see what happens.
This bothers me. The father does have as much right to the baby as your daughter has. He doesn't have to return the child. A verbal agreement is not good enough.

Your daughter needs to get familiar with custody laws and petition the state, asap.

Talk to another lawyer.

BagLady May 7th, 2013 10:13 PM

Re: Its OVER!
I see where your coming from. I was impressed with this lawyer. He said, "I could be like a lot of lawyers, and say Yeah, I'll take your case...It'll cost 500-1800 depending on how it goes. But, I've seen so many of these cases, and I know a simpler solution is on the horizon. He knew my daughter and her ex, would come to some sort of resolution. Now that they have, we can proceed with the legalities, and the cost will be minimal comparitively.
We know we're not done. There will be other roads to cross, and there will have to be a legal agreement.
The funny thing is, the ex also consulted a lawyer in a different county. It cost him 150.00, and that lawyer told him the same thing...was this a retainer fee? I don't know.
Stressful times that we could do without.
But, when you turn on the news, and see stuff like those 3 girls in Cleveland, Ohio, who were kidnapped and kept for 10 years...kinda makes our problems seem small.
BTW, I'm not familiar with petitioning the state, but a friend of ours is the Chancery Clerk. Maybe I could ask him?

Mrs X May 7th, 2013 11:49 PM

Re: Its OVER!
Baglady, i'm so sorry for what your family has gone through.....


Originally Posted by BagLady (Post 61969)
So, he left, and took the baby with him! (Believe it or not, he is crazy about that baby, and has been a great Dad to her.)

Not really agreeing with this statement, imo part of being a good parent is being nice to your kids' other parent(s). I hope the custody arrangements go ok, and that this guy gets a few clues.

Knot2loud May 10th, 2013 11:04 AM

Re: Its OVER!
Maybe the relationship is over, but this custody thing is going to go on and on. He has an ace up his sleeve and that ace is the "verbal agreement" which is not enforceable (not to my limited knowledge on this type of situation).

Eventually there will have to be a custodial parent identified by the courts.

He certainly sounds like a manipulative turd. An explosive one too. Sorry to hear that your daughter had to go through all that physical and mental abuse.

BagLady May 12th, 2013 09:36 PM

Re: Its OVER!
Hi everybody. It's been a few days, and the "Ex-Fiance" had told her he would bring her the baby for Mothers Day, let her stay a day or two, so we could take her for her 1yr. shots.
Then he tries to get my daughter to take him back. She said no. So, he finds out she is out for the week-end with a girlfriend, at a bar, and tells her she will not get to see the baby after all.
He expects her to stay home, thinking about the baby and feels since she can go out with a friend and have fun, she's not a fit mother.
Some of you may agree with him. But, IMO, for the sake of her sanity, she needed to be with friends, stay busy and take her mind off the situation.
What do you all think?

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