Friends and Family Forum

Friends and Family Forum (http://www.friendsandfamilyforum.com/index.php)
-   Other (http://www.friendsandfamilyforum.com/forumdisplay.php?f=6)
-   -   Living with extended family is it a better choice (http://www.friendsandfamilyforum.com/showthread.php?t=6413)

John Smith January 4th, 2014 09:17 AM

Living with extended family is it a better choice
 
Right now I'm living with my parents and relatives from both sides of the family.
On my mums side I have my grandma, my mums 2 sisters, her brother, her niece and her cousin. On my dads side I have my other grandma, my dads 2 brothers, his nephew, niece in law,great nephew and our oldest family member who is my dads great uncle who is 110 years old. We live in a bungalow that my father bought 11 years ago. Initially, it was only my parents and maternal grandmother living with me in an apartment. However we moved when I was about 3 and found that the house seemed empty with only four people. That was until my mum broke her arm and my dad couldn't get off work long enough to take care of me. So my mum called up my aunt to come help out for a while. What was supposed to be a 2 week visit turned to an 11 year and counting stay. This was because my aunt did not have a job and had never been married or had children. So we became close and my parents decided to have her stay to help about with the house. The next relative who moved in was my mums brother who came when my father had to go overseas for a month as part of his job and wanted a man to watch the house for him. During his stay the company that my uncle was working for offered to raise his salary in exchange for being transferred to work at a place near us. My uncle who at the time was living in another country was quite reluctant to move as he could not find a house for himself. So, as a show of gratitude for what he had done, my father offered him a place in the house which was only 10 minutes away from his new workplace. He agreed because of the money he was offered and because he wanted to be closer to his mother. The next relative was young cousin. Though she didnt exactly move in permanently, stays with us on weekdays . This is because her parents work till late and were unable to find a nanny. The next person to move in was my mothers cousin. He moved in as his wife had to move back to her home country to tend to her ill mother and his son had worked as a pilot in a foreign country. He decided to move in as he wanted company and we were more than happy to oblige. Second to my father, I can easily say that my mothers cousin has been the biggest influence to me. I learned quite a lot from him and have this sort of gratitude towards him as it was him who introduced my parents to each other. The next relatives who moved in were my paternal grandmother, uncle and great great uncle. My grandma had recently undergone a bypass at that time and at the suggestion of my father and uncle moved in with us as our house was nearer to the hospital and because she and my mums mum go to the same doctor. Also, at the age of 84 my grandma could not possibly take care of her uncle alone especially not while recovering from a bypass. So, we as a family decided it was best for him to come along with her and my uncle to come live with us. The next people who moved in was my fathers nephew his wife and their son. Having just moved from another state to pursue a job opportunity, my father offered them a place to stay after they had trouble finding a home as well. The next person who moved in was my mothers oldest sister who had just been divorced and needed a place to stay. Lastly my fathers other brother moved in last month after his wife had passed away as he needed the spport and company that we were willing to give him.

So now that you know about why my family lives with us, I would like to ask if this is a good living arrangement. The reason im asking this is because until recently I discovered that most families tend to live with only parents and children and I seem to be considered special due to the way my family lives. People tend to ask if this causes a lack of privacy or a lack of communication between different sides of the family. This is not the case where I live as although we have enough privacy, we are able to spend enough time with each other. Other people think that we are struggling financially and so need more people to be able to afford better living standards. This is also not the case as we only live with each other for convenience, support and love. I'm looking forward to here your comments on whether or not this is a good way of living for us

LucyVanPelt January 4th, 2014 09:49 AM

Re: Living with extended family is it a better choice
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by John Smith (Post 67579)
This is not the case where I live as although we have enough privacy, we are able to spend enough time with each other. ...This is also not the case as we only live with each other for convenience, support and love. I'm looking forward to here your comments on whether or not this is a good way of living for us

If you are all happy and comfortable then this is a good way of living for you. Who cares what other people think? And how rude to ask such prying questions. If they don't have enough sense not to ask such questions, why would you think their opinion has any value?

Annsdil January 4th, 2014 10:08 AM

Re: Living with extended family is it a better choice
 
It's great if it works and everyone gets along and are comfortable with the arrangement. :)

The family on both sides for us are quite dysfunctional. Each side has specific and often unrealistic expectations of others therefore it is not an arrangement that would ever have worked for us. We tried on a very small basis with my mum living with us for a few years. It didn't work for us for the reasons I mentioned above.

I guess the other consideration is the children of the family finding a potential spouse. Either the potential spouse will have to embrace such an arrangement or the child will have to learn to live as part of a smaller family unit I.e. them and potential spouse and potential future children. This is a situation where personally I feel a decision had to be mutually and happily made by both of the parties one way or the other. I could not see a compromise. Without this I would see an almost immediate breakdown for any future marriage.

KayKay January 4th, 2014 10:28 AM

Re: Living with extended family is it a better choice
 
^ What Anns said. :)

If it works for you? Great. I also think there is a cultural component. Families in some cultures tend to live together more frequently than families in other cultures.

How old are you?

Mrs X January 4th, 2014 11:04 AM

Re: Living with extended family is it a better choice
 
Hi John Smith, and welcome. If you all get on well, and the house is big enough to accommodate 16 people relatively comfortably, then it sounds great. :)

How does the cooking and cleaning work though, do all the able bodied adults share? Do you have to do more chores than your friends of the same age for example?

John Smith January 4th, 2014 06:44 PM

Re: Living with extended family is it a better choice
 
In the house, everyone cleans up their own room while my aunt and grandma take turns to cook. Since there are so many people in the house, I don't have to do as much chores as nearly everything as been already taken care of. Other than cleaning my room there's not much else for me to do. Also each adult is responsible for paying certain bills and take turns to pay for my two grandmas medical bills with one adult on each side paying for his or her mother while my uncle takes sole responsibility for my great great uncle. Each parent is also responsible for their own child's school fees.

Mrs X January 4th, 2014 08:26 PM

Re: Living with extended family is it a better choice
 
It actually sounds pretty idyllic! - While it might not mean that much to you younger ones in the family now, as you get older, you will really appreciate having got to know your older relatives, and having seen the example of such a diverse group living in harmony. It is reasonably unusual for two sides of a family to get on so well they could live together. You seem pretty lucky on the face of it. :)

- I know a couple of nuclear families with a lot of kids, and in both cases the Mum is really anal, so the kids feel they spend all their time cleaning and doing laundry. :D

John Smith January 4th, 2014 08:50 PM

Re: Living with extended family is it a better choice
 
The two sides of my family have known each other long before my parents married as they were close friends with my mums cousin. So everyone knew each other before becoming a family and are always respectful to one another. The only problem is my great great uncle. Because at his age his mental health had deteriorated quite considerably and because of that he tends to say brazen and hurtful things unintentionally which tend to frighten the smaller children. Also despite his age and mental health, he is in excellent physical condition unlike my grandmothers he is able to walk without a cane and can walk long distances without getting tired. This proves to be quite tedious for us as we all have to look for him as he tends to wander around the house as he had once fallen into the pool. Despite this, he is one of the main sources of humor within our household as he enjoys telling us wild tales about his youth and speaks to everyone as if they were small children. However I can't picture life without him as taking care of him and stopping him from getting hurt made both sides of the family work together more and brought us closer

Snow January 5th, 2014 05:57 PM

Re: Living with extended family is it a better choice
 
You should write a book! May I ask, how large is the house?

John Smith January 6th, 2014 05:13 AM

Re: Living with extended family is it a better choice
 
The house has 7 rooms upstairs each with its own tv and toilet. There is a guest house in which my dads mom uncle and great great uncle live in. The guest house has its own separate living room. There is one main living room where the family spends most of their time in during the day. There is a dining room where everyone has dinner and an 8 car garage.


All times are GMT -7. The time now is 06:15 PM.

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.7.3
Copyright ©2000 - 2020, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Copyright 2007, The BlueSparks Network