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-   -   My GODFATHER may be my REAL DAD!!! Any advice please!!! (http://www.friendsandfamilyforum.com/showthread.php?t=7196)

Vet35 March 7th, 2015 12:42 AM

My GODFATHER may be my REAL DAD!!! Any advice please!!!
 
I'm 34. At a recent ceremony was the first time I've ever had photos taken of me and my godfather side by side apart from when I was a baby. (I haven't seen him for years)
I look just like him, exactly the same facial features, expressions physique, posture.
People who know him insisted I looked like him and his family which I dismissed until I saw the recent photos of me and him. The photos freaked me out, as well as my siblings and other family members. I mean seriously FREAKED US OUT!!! When I show friends the photos of the ceremony they always ask, "Is that your dad?" and look at me strangely when I say, "no he's my godfather". People say we are spitting image.
For YEARS mom has said, "there's something I have to tell you but will say when the time is right".
I don't look like any family members.

I called my godfather a month ago to ask if we could meet to talk as I had "questions about my life" and since then he's done radio silence. Normally we talk via phone on a weekly basis and he says things like, "you must understand, how much I love you from deep down in my heart". I bumped into him since and he looked like a frightened, frail rabbit.
Can't ask mum because she's developed mental health issues and I don't want to stress her even more.

Not sure what to do next if he keeps avoiding me. I don't want to ruin his career (he's a reverend) but I need him to be honest because I've trusted him, we have a great friendship. This is all so strange!

Any advice please?

Mrs X March 7th, 2015 12:52 AM

Re: My GODFATHER may be my REAL DAD!!! Any advice please!!!
 
Hi Vet35 and welcome. :) - You have every right to ask your mother to tell you what is bothering her. - If she has mental health issues anyway and you are already supporting her, surely this can only help her.

It sounds like you and your godfather have a friendship anyway. Why couldn't you just ask him questions? It wouldn't exactly have to be a public conversation.

Is your dad still on the scene though?

Vet35 March 7th, 2015 02:45 AM

Re: My GODFATHER may be my REAL DAD!!! Any advice please!!!
 
Hi Mrs X
Thanks for taking the time to read. Thanks for replying.
My dad hasn't brought us up. My parents were divorced before I was conceived 😬. I still see him every now and again though.
I would love to ask my godfather questions and prefer to ask him these face to face. But ever since I told him I wanted to meet up for coffee to ask "life questions" he seems to be on the run. Not like him at all he normally reschedules meetings for me (not that I expect him to) and always returns calls and messages, so this feels strange and hurts a little if I'm honest. I have a strong feeling he knows what I am going to ask and is scared.

My mum is not in a good state if I'm really honest. She shouts, growls, wails, marches, writes the word 'redemption' on large sheets of paper and scatters them around the floor in her house. She has counselling but behaves well in front of medical professionals so they suspect she is unwell but don't have enough to go on.
I have asked my siblings to sit with me while I ask mum but they don't want to. They're frightened as well as she has been violent in the past.
I'm nervous that if I ask her about this, she'll explode. I might ask if another family member could come with me. I hope they will as I'll feel safer. What do you think?

LucyVanPelt March 7th, 2015 03:24 AM

Re: My GODFATHER may be my REAL DAD!!! Any advice please!!!
 
There's an old Inuit proverb, "What will you do once you know?"

If you learn that your godfather is your biological father, it won't change anything about you. You are who you are; your core identity will not change.

Depending on the truth, this might change your relationship with your mother. It has already changed your relationship with your godfather because he's running. Will it affect his job? Will it change your relationship with your siblings? Will it affect your mother?

If you can say it and mean it, you could just come right out and say, "Mom, I know my godfather is my father. I forgive you." If this is part of the stress of mental illness, it might help not to carry that burden.


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