PDA

View Full Version : Does your SO make you the bad guy?


snafu
January 15th, 2008, 07:50 PM
Quoting DIL from another thread

"Seriously, snafu, you might be joking about the wicked-stepmother thing, but there's a ring of truth to it.

It's not uncommon for a parent to play the good cop/bad cop game and use it to look like the child's hero. Considering the past history, he may be doing this without realizing it. He could be feeling guilty or subconsciously angry and just not be dealing with it. It's normal to feel that way, but he's got to deal with it in a more constructive way, especially for his DD's sake."


I just realized after reading this that DH doesn't want to be the bad guy- nor do his deceased wife's parents. Anyone have suggestions? I'm tired of being "the one with the problems" and needing counciling. :o

And I'm tired of sounding like a drama queen!

1dilwhosreal
January 16th, 2008, 05:04 AM
You don't sound like a drama queen at all. This behavior happens even in families that haven't faced the death of a parent. He may have already had this pattern set up with his deceased wife, and now it's out of control.

The way I'd handle it is just to tackle it head on because that is my way.

I'd take DH out to dinner so you can both talk on neural ground and tell him that you think (not feel) that he's feeling sorry for his daughter and so is going easy on her. Sadly, the death of his wife/her mother means he's gotta be the tough one as well as the easy one for her. She's gotta know he's strong enough to discipline her and she needs that now more than ever. It's the discipline (I'm not talking spanking and yelling here, but the rules that are hard and fast) that will help her stay grounded and feel comforted even though she'll fight it all the way. That's how she'll know that she's not a poor little orphan Annie. Life is fragile, but she can still be strong because she's got someone strong to depend on.

JMHO, I hope you get other responses with better ideas.

Beth
January 16th, 2008, 09:19 AM
I knew someone whose father was killed in a airplane crash when he was around 10 years old. His mother felt so much guilt over his death that she was unable to discipline her children. She gave them whatever they needed. The family became totally disfunctional. The chidren were unable to survive on their own or keep relationships. None ever married and there were no grandchildren. Fast forward 40 years, two of the children became dependent on drugs and/or alcohol and eventually passed away from their lifestyles.

This was the worst scenario I have seen from the loss of a parent. But it happened. No one wants to be the bad guy, but being a parent is not a popularity contest. Children especially need the surviving parent to be strong for them. They need their guidance. It may be that the entire family needs counceling to help get past their loss. You are not the bad guy, it's just that no one else sees what's going on. They are not moving forward IMO. I wish you well.

Snafu, I didn't read the other threads on what's going on, so I hope I understood your concerns correctly. :)

snafu
January 16th, 2008, 03:47 PM
I'm going to wait until I can talk with my DH rationally about this. I've realized that in addtion to being upset with my DSD (& she is darling) I'm more upset with my DH (for not monitoring her as he said he would & thus being a protective/responsible dad), but I'm also upset with myself- I was so ticked off that he'd put me in the position of the "wicked step-witch" when they got DSD's cell that I allowed my anger to cloud my judgement. SHE is MY daughter too! (step doesn't have to be a four letter word). Kids act out when they want attention- this may have been a way (a least partcially) for her to say "pay attention to me"- then get back at daddy by running up the phone bill & blowing off the rules.

I found the following "Bill(s) of Rights" I want to start having family meetings:rolleyes:; but before that I'd like each of us to have (&read) these...


Stepparent’s Bill of Rights
I will be part of the decision making process in my marriage and family at all times
People of outside my immediate family, including ex's, in laws, and children cannot make plans that affect my life without my consent.
I will not be responsible for the welfare of children for whom I can set no limits.
I must be consulted about which children will live with us, when they can visit and how long.
I will not be solely responsible for housework; chores will be distributed fairly.
I will be consulted on all family financial matters.
Others may not violate my private space at home, nor take or use my possessions without my permission.
I will not be treated like an outsider in my own home.
My spouse and stepchildren will treat me with respect.
Our marriage is our first priority, and we will address all issues together.


The Stepchild’s Bill of Rights

1. A stepchild will be allowed to have a voice in family discussions. This does not mean the child's wants and needs are paramount but that they must be considered.
2. A stepchild has the right to respectfully state his or her feelings and to have those feelings respected.
3. A stepchild under the age of majority shall have the right to a fair set of rules that apply equally to stepchild and bio child.
5. A stepchild will not be responsible for housework and other chores that are not distributed equally and fairly. Ditto punishment.
6. A stepchild has a right to private space, and to expect that others will not take or use any of his or her possessions without asking permission.
7. A stepchild will NEVER be treated as a second-class citizen in his or her own home, nor will he or she be made to feel as if he or she is an intruder.
8. A stepchild has the right to feel at home in his or her custodial parent's home.
9. A stepchild has the right to spend time with, even alone with, his or her biological parent, whether custodial or not.
10. A stepchild has the right to hear his or her biological parent, custodial or not, talked about with respect. Referring to a stepchild's parent in a derogatory fashion is ALWAYS wrong. You, the stepparent, may not like the biological parent, but that parent is important in the child's life.
11. A stepchild has the right to love and want to be with his or her parents, regardless of how a new spouse or mate may feel about the old one.
12. A stepchild is allowed to not immediately fall in love with the new stepparent and should not be forced to call the new stepparent anything resembling a "mom" or "dad" name.

(Maybe I should have started a new thread under step-families)

1dilwhosreal
January 17th, 2008, 12:55 PM
snafu, you really seem to be on the right path. I am so impressed with your patience and your desire to help create a happy family.

snafu
January 31st, 2008, 09:04 PM
I need some help with this :o- I'm going to send the following to my DH along with the "Bills of Rights". I added "I should never be placed in the position of being the “bad guy” – i.e. Bio parent/grandparents say you could have/do ______ except stepparent doesn’t think you should/won't let you" to the bill. I need suggestions - please (I also intend to send a waaay different letter to DSD with the bills of rights)



We have been married for three years now & we still do not function as a family and I find this unacceptable. I feel that I have not been considered as a full partner in our marriage. I would like you to read the following “Bills of Rights” and I wish to discuss them with you. I expect changes to be made if you want the four of us to function as a family (and this marriage to work).
Some of the changes that need to be made are as follows: YOU need to spend one-on-one time with your daughter-make time; we both need to be better parents to her; we (the four of us) need to do things as a family (go to a sporting event, movie, or something); I need to be totally honest with you about things. I often don’t give my complete, honest opinion as you have indicated in the past that I’m insensitive to the fact you lost your first wife and if I don’t see things from your point of view I’m insensitive.
Another issue that I have become very upset about is that you have higher expectations of my son, than you do for your daughter. You don’t enforce rules you’ve made, you’ve asked her to clean up after herself & when she didn’t you did it for her, and so on. You do some of the same things for your daughter that we both get frustrated with my ex doing for my son. I don’t like the examples being set for either child.

nonnymouse
January 31st, 2008, 09:40 PM
snafu-This is really open, direct and honest. It's obvious how much thought and effort you've put in this and how much you care about doing your part to make everything work for your whole family. I really admire that your being accountable for saying what your expectations are in writing. I have nothing to add I just wanted to say I hope it is as well received as it deserves to be.

snafu
February 1st, 2008, 04:37 AM
Is it too blunt?



Right now- I'm pizzed to hell- many of the things I wanted done when we got married weren't. Now, that I'm doing quite a bit of research, it turns out what I wanted (well-most of it) was the right things to do to have a successful blended family. The things my DH wanted (& for the most part got-she's his daughter) garenteen (sp) strife & discord - :mad:

1dilwhosreal
February 1st, 2008, 04:41 AM
Okay, I'm going to reveal my biases. First, I always want the marriage to survive if at all possible. Second, try to avoid putting some things in writing. When they are read, they come across much more harsh than is probably intended. I really believe that the problem with communication is mostly how we've said things as opposed to what needs to be said. For example:


...I find this unacceptable. I feel that I have not been considered as a full partner in our marriage. I would like you to read the following “Bills of Rights” and I wish to discuss them with you. I expect changes to be made if you want the four of us to function as a family (and this marriage to work)... Some of the changes that need to be made are as follows: YOU need to spend one-on-one time with your daughter-make time

This may come across as an ultimatum or an escalation. Men definitely do not like to feel strong-armed or blamed for problems. There are times when it is necessary, but you have to be prepared for the consequences. If he says: "Well, I'm not changing, and it's all your fault;" and he's already been threatened with the failure of the marriage-- what are you prepared to do about it? Walk away?

Another issue that I have become very upset about is that you have higher expectations of my son, than you do for your daughter. You don’t enforce rules you’ve made, you’ve asked her to clean up after herself & when she didn’t you did it for her, and so on. You do some of the same things for your daughter that we both get frustrated with my ex doing for my son. I don’t like the examples being set for either child.

Comparing children is a very touchy area. Addressing it (or not) is a time bomb. Instead of saying your daughter vs. my son, it might be better to talk about how important it is that expectations and discipline be consistent for the family. Then use the events with the children as examples of when you've all been inconsistent. Your first goal must be to get on the same page. You might have different parenting styles-- and that's actually good for the children-- but you need to work together. Once you agree on a parenting philosophy, then you can address the specific needs.

Are you still in counseling together? It might be a good idea to run through this with a mediator.

nonnymouse
February 1st, 2008, 05:26 AM
Is it too blunt?



Right now- I'm pizzed to hell- many of the things I wanted done when we got married weren't. Now, that I'm doing quite a bit of research, it turns out what I wanted (well-most of it) was the right things to do to have a successful blended family. The things my DH wanted (& for the most part got-she's his daughter) garenteen (sp) strife & discord - :mad:

I would not be a good judge of weather it is too blunt or not for your DH. I like blunt. I want everyones cards to be on the table so we can work out any problems it makes me feel comfortable and heard but not everyone is like that.

snafu
February 1st, 2008, 08:42 AM
Thanks for the input. I think I'll still give him the "Bills" and tell him we need to discuss them. I'll try to have my examples in notes for myself- as otherwise I'll get flustered & screw up.



DIL- no we're not going to counciling at this time. I'm tired of being the one who goes to the councilor, our 3rd anniversery was this week & I'm tired of the fact that when it comes to his daughter he's abdicated most parental responsibility - but if I try to parent her he objects/doesn't like it - or puts me in the position of being the wicked step_itch. She's basically become a parentless child with few rules/responsbilites (except for the ones she wants) but LOTS of privaledges (sp) who gets most of the things ($$$$) she wants and I don't want this type of influence on my DS.

Edit- I've ordered a book from the library by Hope Edelman- called Motherless Daughters -ok I requested all the books she's written & may try reading them with my DSD -oh god I'm crying as I'm typing this...

nonnymouse
February 1st, 2008, 09:23 AM
I'm so sorry snafu. Hug.

Grace
February 7th, 2008, 01:01 PM
Snafu - I was just wondering how you are doing. I hope your talk with DH went well and you are doing OK.

snafu
February 7th, 2008, 04:50 PM
Nah... I've not talked with him yet...I'm trying to figure out a way to get him to actually listen to me. As many of you who have MIL/IL problems have come to realize that you also have a DH problem...well, I've finally realized that I've got a big DH problem. He doesn't listen to me if it conflicts with his perceptions/ when to comes to being married partners. He will listen to his deceased wife's best friend, the councilor, his ILs, etc., but not to me.

First example: DSD wanted braces (IMO she needed them due to the way her teeth overlapped-her front 2 top teeth were being pushed backwards towards the roof of her mouth) DH said no. I discussed it with him along with my concerns- he ignored my concerns. His reasoning was that if she wanted braces she could pay for them once she was out of college & had a job.
Fast forward a few months (after I'd discussed the issue with the deceased wife's best friend) he decided -without discussing it with me- that she was getting braces & I found out by accident.

Second example: I didn't want his ILs having keys to our new home. (The councilor had also told me that they shouldn't have keys.) He didn't listen to me- he gave them keys. Only a year and a half later- after the councilor had a private talk with him did he ask his ILs for the keys back.

If anyone has suggestions I'd like to hear them-but please don't refer me to the councilor- I refuse to have to get someone else to make him listen to me.

(For those of you not familiar with me, my DH's first wife passed away @ 34/35 yrs of age- hense "his ILs". Check out my thread on Pseudo ILs if you wish to know why I no longer call them my ILs)

nonnymouse
February 7th, 2008, 11:41 PM
Nah... I've not talked with him yet...I'm trying to figure out a way to get him to actually listen to me. As many of you who have MIL/IL problems have come to realize that you also have a DH problem...well, I've finally realized that I've got a big DH problem. He doesn't listen to me if it conflicts with his perceptions/ when to comes to being married partners. He will listen to his deceased wife's best friend, the councilor, his ILs, etc., but not to me.

Ouch, snafu. You make it clear how painful this is. I'm sorry to say I have been on the other side of this with my husband about many things. I will be the one to say no and not get on board with his ideafor months/a couple years. I never really thought of it as you put it here for the first couple years.

I started trying to address this tendency in myself last year when I realized how often I had said "No. No. No." And then would change my mind on the issue after thinking it over and giving it a lot of time to percolate in my brain. (Usually after he stopped pressing his side of the issue.)

I am now starting to understand myself better and I tell him, "It's not that your wrong its that I'm not ready. I need at least X before I'll be ready."

It didn't have anything to do with my DH. I just don't think the same way he does and I change slowly. I know it was irritating but hurtful? It just wouldn't have dawned on me.

Does your DH think enough like you to realize how his decision making effects you?

snafu
February 9th, 2008, 03:01 PM
Thanks nonny-

I'm trying a different approach- I'd actually checked out 2 copies of Motherless Daughters (one in my name & one in DS's name). I've been reading one since it came in- I've left it where it can be seen & read it in the livingroom (I normally read in bed), but I didn't say anything about it except when DH asked about it - I said it was a good book, and left it at that. Now, that the second book has come in, I've given it to DH and simply said "I want you to read this, after you read this & if you agree I'd like to buy a copy for DSD." He said he'd read it :).

Maybe he needs to hear things from another person so he doesn't feel as if he's been judged as a poor parent-

snafu
February 13th, 2008, 04:16 PM
I'm sending copies of the "bills" to both DH & DSD. The letter to him is basically- we need to discuss these. The following is the letter to DSD-

"DSD, I found these in the internet. I need you to read these & then I need to discuss them with you within the next few weeks. I do not know how many of step-kid’s rights you feel have been violated-in regards to you, but I feel that quite a few have been violated. In addition, many of my “rights” have been violated as well & that’s made me very angry, unfortunately that that has affected my behavior & I’m sorry."


note:
I've recently hit enraged (with DS's behavior as it pertains to DSD) - a friend told me (correctly I feel ) that this is the way he (DH) is and he's not going to change. She also told me "Listen to what you're saying snafu. (pause) You're saying "I want the four of us to be a family." That doesn't sound like that's what he wants. If he doesn't want it, its not going to happen. You have to decided if this is how you want to live the rest of your life, because its never going to change." :(

I wanted all of us to be a family- instead there's 2 families in this house - family 1 = DH & DSD; family 2 = DH, snafu, & my DS:(

snafu
February 18th, 2008, 07:37 AM
update- we had a talk yesterday - we'll see what happens -

1dilwhosreal
February 18th, 2008, 09:25 AM
(((((((((snafu))))))))))

snafu
September 5th, 2008, 06:53 AM
I'm throwing in the towel - He's going to get what he wants - seperate families. I'm tired of everything has to be his way.

Get this I'm the bad guy :rolleyes: because his DD doesn't alway dress appropraitely for church & doesn't always follow the school dress code - amoung other things (he doesn't enforce rules at home equally & if I point it out &/or remind his DD to follow the rules - he quits enforceing the rules with my DS :rolleyes: - and he's blind to it).

Why am I the bad guy? - because my DS has just questioned things for the first time. I talked calmly & rationally with my DH about it (I didn't hold it in & blow up -yea!). I told him that I needed him to step up & enforce the rules or we'll be having real problems with my DS not following rules because DH's DD doesn't have to. I told him I'm not going to pound my head into the wall anymore - he needs to enforce rules with HIS daughter - not me - she's a teen & I'm not her mother. (her deceased mother's family & her dad have taught her that she doesn't have to listen to me & she's a teen on top of it)

He defends her....even though he agrees with me :confused:

nonnymouse
September 5th, 2008, 07:33 AM
I'm throwing in the towel - He's going to get what he wants - seperate families. I'm tired of everything has to be his way.

Get this I'm the bad guy :rolleyes: because his DD doesn't alway dress appropraitely for church & doesn't always follow the school dress code - amoung other things (he doesn't enforce rules at home equally & if I point it out &/or remind his DD to follow the rules - he quits enforceing the rules with my DS :rolleyes: - and he's blind to it).

Why am I the bad guy? - because my DS has just questioned things for the first time. I talked calmly & rationally with my DS about it (I didn't hold it in & blow up -yea!). I told him that I needed him to step up & enforce the rules or we'll be having real problems with my DS not following rules because DH's DD doesn't have to. I told him I'm not going to pound my head into the wall anymore - he needs to enforce rules with HIS daughter - not me - she's a teen & I'm not her mother. (her deceased mother's family & her dad have taught her that she doesn't have to listen to me & she's a teen on top of it)

He defends her....even though he agrees with me :confused:He holds you accountable for her not dressing right for church instead of holding her accountable or he doesn't want you to say anything about weather she follows guidelines or not? Does he want you to not say anything about it when he isn't enforcing/she is breaking rules but thinks it falls to you to 'fix' magically without ruffling feathers?

So sorry, snafu.

snafu
September 5th, 2008, 09:54 AM
The impression I get is that I'm a) not to say anything about it & b) not to try to "fix" it either and c) I'm not responsible for it


Get this - he said he didn't say anything because he didn't want to embarass her :confused::eek: - because a friend of hers had spent the night & was going to church with us (snafu bangs head into wall). This WAS NOT the first time she'd worn short shorts to church - nor was it the first time DH & I had talked about it :rolleyes: - he always makes excuses - even though he says he agrees - I told him I WAS EMBARASSSED - when a lady at church told DSD that her shorts were too short, told me, then told DH that his DD was going to get cold (he said he'd let his DD wear his jacket if she got too cold:rolleyes:)

I've decided that IF she wears things that are inappropriate I'll go to church seperately & sit away from them - If someone asks why I'll tell them the truth. Also, if DS asks me about the "rules" I'll tell him the truth too.

latelearner
September 5th, 2008, 10:09 AM
Oh snafu, I'm so sorry. Your DSD sounds like a handful and she wouldn't be that way if her dad enforced the rules. He's not doing her any favours, you and I know that, and probably he does too but just can't do it.

I agree about your DS getting conflicting messages and this works in a non step family as well by the way. My middle sister was pretty brutal as a teenager and my parents just couldn't handle her and she managed to get away with alot (dressing inappropriately etc). My younger eyes were watching intentlly and when they turned their rule enforcing attitude towards me I resisted HARD. This double standard that your DH has towards your DS and DSD is wrong on so many levels.

I wish you continued tolerance snafu, your patience is phenomenal.

april
September 5th, 2008, 11:28 AM
Snafu, I just got this crazy idea out of the blue. Ignore if it is completely ridiculous. (If nothing else, it may entertain you at least.)

I've read somewhere that in difficult marital situations it helps sometimes to do something completely unexpected of you. The example that was given there was about a wife who did all the housework for years, served her husband and son hand and foot and they took it for granted. Although she did not like the situation and discussed it with them many times, nothing changed. One day she made a decision, came home and announced that she feels that the way she looks is not appropriate for her as a wife and mother of such successful and noble men. She feels she embarrasses them and so she needs to take immediate action. Therefore, she made appointments for hairdressing, manicure, massage, several times a week, joined the sport club, hired individual trainer, bought some new clothes and ordered more etc. Their dinner for today and tomorrow is in the fridge and after that they are on their own. And she kept her word. She went on all those appointments, lost weight, got a new hairstyle, became an elegant woman. And her DH and DS, after initial choke started doing housework. They only asked each other:
- Do you know where mom is?
- I think today she is in the sportclub.
The marriage started working.

I am not sure how real this example is, but there is something in it that I find attractive. In your case (I am hiding under the table just in case ;)), how about if you, once in a while, embarrass THEM (DH and DSD)? What would happen if YOU came to church once in ultrashort dress? (already covered my head with a pillow), or, not so dramatic, if you left for your own business leaving the mess for them to clear behind?

snafu
September 5th, 2008, 12:33 PM
April - DH likes me in short dresses/ skirts :p

I think I will ignore the trash/food she leaves on her desk in her room - evil thought -take pictures & up them up around school - if we get bugs then DH will have to deal with it :cool: (while DS & I do stay in a hotel:p)

If she dresses inapproprately - I could wear something "fun" & visit DH at work- & get the students talking


Don't get me wrong - DH has his good points - but when it comes to his DD - I'm left out in the cold & screwed over.

I've booked a trip to Disney for me and DS -:D. We're going in Oct. (DH knows)

DH told his DD she'd get a trip to Hawaii for her 16th B-day (without asking me) & we're supposed to make this a family trip. Then, when we talked about it I'd wanted to go Disney while my DS is still young enough to belive in magic (this is something I've wanted to do even BEFORE I met DH) . DH wants Hawaii first & Disney 2 years after that. NOPE- to any of my input - can you picture an 18-19 yr old girl at Disney with a 12-13 yr old boy & parents :eek:

I've told him he and his DD can go to Hawaii without me - I honestly thing they'd enjoy it more - if we all went together, they'd make me misserable.

And to think - all I ever wanted for my DSD was to be a positive role model & be someone she could talk to:(

I HAVE A HUGE DH PROBLEM - 'cause, by his actions, he doesn't want me to have anything to do with his DD - unless its to play "happy families"

elaine
September 5th, 2008, 01:13 PM
(((snafu)))

snafu
December 10th, 2008, 07:49 AM
(I really need a bang head smilie :rolleyes:)

DH (in a poor, pitiful me voice) told me that all he wants for Xmas is for me & his DD to have a realtionship (argh!!!!!!!!!!!)

Get this - he's undermined me continually - in reguards to building a family relationship- during the course of our marriage.

He whined that he does stuff with my DS why don't I do stuff with his DD? (Wiskey, Tango, Foxtrot!) So who's fault is it (in his opinion) that his DD & I don't have a relationship - mine of course. :mad::rolleyes::mad:

I let him have it - the last time I went to the councilor she told me that I should be doing a lot of things - they were ALL things I'd tried when we first got married & D(dumbass) H and his deceased wife's parents (aka the Pseudo ILs) shot down & totally ignored. I told him that it was due to his behavior & the Pseudo ILs behavior that his DD & I don't have a realtionship & I've given up.

1DH+4Kids=Happyus
December 11th, 2008, 12:59 PM
Have the Pseudo ILs been held at bay at least?

snafu
December 11th, 2008, 07:46 PM
Yep, they are semi -cut off :(

I realize now that we will never have the realtionship I'd thought/hoped we'd have. I do try to include them :o - DSD is their only grandchild - when we went out for my DS's b-day I made sure they were invited, & they were invited for Thanksgiving.

they made their bed & now have to lie in it - they have only themselves to blame :(

DH no longer tries to force them down my throat either (I'm no longer willing to play "happy families")

1DH+4Kids=Happyus
December 13th, 2008, 06:47 AM
Snafu - is there any way to get them into counseling?

snafu
January 5th, 2009, 06:58 AM
Nope.


But, as part of my New Years Resolution was to no longer be a doormat - I'm going to take back the power in my own home -

I'm going to need support - I'm in the habit of backing down/not saying anything (more of not saying anything- safer that way, I can't be "punished" if I don't say anything) {can you tell I grew up in a disfunctional home?}

Lynnie
January 9th, 2009, 08:24 PM
No, we have always done things together and with our children and now with their families.

In my family and extended families if there has been a nose put out of joint ... then we would walk away and have a break, maybe a week, maybe a year ... whatever time span it took to get over the problem ... when we seen each other again we would be overjoyed and knew how much each other was missed ...

Never a harsh word was spoken or ever spoken between us ... words hurt more than deeds, deeds are forgivable because we all have our faults (like walking away) but harsh words said to hurt, to get a reaction, may not be really meant and may be forgiven in time but never will be forgotten in our hearts or minds because of the deep hurt they cause to our souls.

Huge Hugs Lynnie :)

Lizzie
January 15th, 2009, 09:30 AM
Well said Lynnie!

Harsh words are the worst thing. Like you say, they stay forever in your heart.

Something like speaking your mind in a letter.....never a good idea as it can be read and re read

My D H is always the good guy here! Especially with my son who definitely favours him to me, DH makes me the bad guy by never singing from the same hymn sheet as me or backing me up when I have reason to complain.

Dont get me wrong DH is a great guy but he certainly gets satisfaction out of being the good guy although he probably doesnt realise this himself. It must be great to be held in such high esteem GRRRRRRH!

Lynnie
January 15th, 2009, 08:05 PM
Well said Lynnie!

Harsh words are the worst thing. Like you say, they stay forever in your heart.

Something like speaking your mind in a letter.....never a good idea as it can be read and re read

My D H is always the good guy here! Especially with my son who definitely favours him to me, DH makes me the bad guy by never singing from the same hymn sheet as me or backing me up when I have reason to complain.

Dont get me wrong DH is a great guy but he certainly gets satisfaction out of being the good guy although he probably doesnt realise this himself. It must be great to be held in such high esteem GRRRRRRH!

G'day Lizzie, thankyou, harsh words can tear a loving family apart and although both sides want or would like to undo the damage harsh words have created ... it's never the same ... the relationships are never as deep again. That's why a site of this nature is so needed, so as others can learn by other's mistakes, maybe saving a loving relationship.

Husband have it easy and are the family hero but that's cool ...
it's us that gets the flowers and chocolates :banana:
it's them that get the socks and ties :rofl:

snafu
March 24th, 2009, 07:44 PM
Hawaii is back on (maybe). I told DH he'd have to take care of setting it up - he keeps talking about it, but to my knowledge he hasn't done anything to make it a reality :rolleyes:. The only thing he said to me was to ask if I wanted to help plan it - at this time there's 2-3 months before the dates we could go - oh well :rolleyes:

To my knowledge he's done nothing about booking a hotel, flights, travel plans...etc :rolleyes:

The only thing I've told him is that I want seperate rooms for us and the kids (I go stir crazy stuck in a room with the 4 of us & I'd be miserable/probally make everyone else miserable - I've learned I NEED some alone time)

marky
March 27th, 2011, 02:24 PM
Have you ever felt this burning desire to see someone you liked or even loved? Even if you did not know this women for a long time, but you still missed her for some reasons?